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#268264 - 12/21/08 11:52 PM the broken hearted in christ...
1love4christ Offline


Registered: 12/18/08
Posts: 46
Loc: ca, usa
hey, i was able to learn male survivors accept and believe jesus christ as their savior. I wanted to ask how you deal with the old age question of: "where were you god when I was being sexually abused and how did you intervene?" this is something i battle with time to time as a victim. personally, i know our trust is broken but i think that there should be a legitimate answer to god's place and purpose during the times we are deeply being assaulted.

my best answer to this question has been jesus christ. the intercedding that we deeply wanted has occurred already and that we must wait until jesus christ to come back to finalize the work of god. therefore, i am hopeful to know that pain is being sacrificed for souls because it is the only reason why jesus is waiting to come back, when everyone has heard the gospel. this gives me hope...i would like to hear how you deal with this and share anything that helps you that can help me.

i want to add however, that as of recently, i've learned to cry and be angry at god and accept that he still loves me. this too has helped me realize that he is a loving god who did not neglect me.

thanks
_________________________
nestor

_________________________
nestor

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#268288 - 12/22/08 10:32 AM Re: the broken hearted in christ... [Re: 1love4christ]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
Greetings, 1Love-4-christ. Hey, well maybe-sort, of accepting Christ. This topic has been haunting me off and on. I was/am in a quandry on my feelings toward HIM. I posted a "letter to God and His Mother (I'm a Catholic) retired. Like in military retired. However like in military being retired, one can be recalled to active duty, and I suppose that as my feelings now stand I just might unretire and come back to active duty in my God and my religion. Now if you care to see just what my letter was about feel free, it's in spirituality. Plus my latest post, in the same site, I found Christmas. I now realise that I cannot do this with out HIM. Wishing you a blessed Christmas day in healing, my Friend/Brother.
Pete (Irishmoose)



Edited by petercorbett (12/22/08 11:06 PM)
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#268311 - 12/22/08 03:37 PM Re: the broken hearted in christ... [Re: petercorbett]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca

--------------------trigger warning----------------------------
-------some people maybe offended by my belief and views--------




Nestor,

As I see it god gave all men free will to do as one chooses. So each man will make those decisions based on his spiritual condition. Those who are truely close to god will usually make those decisions which are more Christ like. They usually will be in the best for the welbeing of all people.

But those who are loss or those who seek after evil will only seek out those things that fulfill their base desires.
Some people find pleasure in hurting and satisfying their sexual needs with children.Which was our misfortune to cross paths with such an individual.
It was this persons'decision to victimize us. So he is responsible for his choices(sins).

The way I believe that all god did was to allow this person the same free choice that he gave to all mankind. So can we be blamed for what another man chooses to do. So why should god be blamed for what any man chooses to do. Did he not make that choice on his own.

I also believe that god uses all things that happen in our lives to prepare us to do those things which god intends for that person to do in his life to fulfill gods' will for him.

That is my opinion on this topic.

Mike


_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#268313 - 12/22/08 03:54 PM Re: the broken hearted in christ... [Re: michael banks]
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
Nestor,

That is a very tough question. One that I still have trouble with from time to time. However, the only answer I can come up with is that God was there enduring the abuse with me.

Check out my post of 3 years ago for my take on where God was while I was being abused. I Found Christmas

You hang in there and I hope you find the answers you are looking for.

Love ya
Darrel

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#270075 - 01/06/09 10:08 AM Re: the broken hearted in christ... [Re: Derdlecar]
nathan555 Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 230
Loc: Australia
It was only 3 months ago my mother finally disclosed to me at 58 that when I was 2 I was minded by a pedophile and his wife. memories came flooding back. now I had an explanation for my disconectedness and regularly wanting to be alone in my confusion and unresolved pain.

I have been a Christian since the age of 17 and since 21 believed resolutely that Jesus IS the answer.

My first comfort was recalling that in my childhood my aunt showed me the love of God. and the power of the hymn "Jesus loves me"
powerful because His love is my healing

I have seen recently that Jesus suffered to take my pain.
my greatest struggle now is those around me, including my parents and a Christian band who played at an event where I gave my testomony for the first time - who want me to be silent.

I am fortunate to have Christian friends who are survivors in my large Church.

can anyone help me understand those who want me to "just forget it and move on"

_________________________
5 depending on God's grace gives hope
6 my dark side , my hurt inner being my struggle
8 looking to the day of overcomming

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#270090 - 01/06/09 11:44 AM Re: the broken hearted in christ... [Re: nathan555]
Juni Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 502
Loc: Florida, WPB
Hi Nathan,

Thank God for you! Only those men who suffered can be a true light of help and healing to others, like JC. You will be used, I feel it.

As for those you want you to be silent. Perhaps not every venue will be the right place for your story but some certainly will be. You will know when the right time has comes.

God speaks to us through various ways, three of them are His word, the Holy Spirit, and people. The most important part of communication is listening. Listen to your friends and consider what they are saying, then go to God in prayer, then stand still and listen for his reply. The answer will come.

Forgiving is not possible unless we have experienced forgiveness ourselves, because we can not give what we have not received. We have experienced God's forgiveness so we can forgive. Forgetting is another issue and some confuse things here because of a common phrased that is misused, “forgive and forget.” This is meant to say that we forgive (which means we no longer seek compensation for a particular act) and we forget the need for compensation. God does not want us to go around in life not learning from our experiences. We grow in wisdom and knowledge.

Our experiences are ours forever. Some things affect us for years and we respond in certain ways because of them. Sometimes we need help to learn how to respond in a way that is no longer damaging or detrimental to our life and relationships. This takes time. You can not just "just forget it and move on”; you’ve been damaged and forever changed. Recovery takes time and in most cases is a lifelong process. Because our friends have not experienced the damage that comes from SA most will not truely understand because they lack the maturity or expereince. The finest part of recovery is when you are able to turn around and use your experience to help other to continue living as normally as possible. You will be used for that purpose.

IHN
Juni




Edited by Juni (01/09/09 12:25 PM)
Edit Reason: spelling
_________________________
Today I'm O.K.
One day at a time I make the journey.

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#270092 - 01/06/09 11:49 AM Re: the broken hearted in christ... [Re: Juni]
nathan555 Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 230
Loc: Australia
thanks Juni

_________________________
5 depending on God's grace gives hope
6 my dark side , my hurt inner being my struggle
8 looking to the day of overcomming

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#270105 - 01/06/09 01:19 PM Re: the broken hearted in christ... [Re: nathan555]
GentleSoul Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/05/07
Posts: 236
Loc: Manhattan
I may not be a religious man but I do believe in a Higher Power. I also believe everything happens for a reason. One illusion I partake in is that I endured my CSA so that I can better help other Survivors. Granted this is nothing but delusional rantings from an attention starved narcissist, forever looking for validation and approval; I'd like to think myself as someone who can contribute greatly to ease the suffering of Survivors. Again, recall my disclaimer. I've had some amazing insights, epiphanies, and breakthroughs that I couldn't have concocted on my own. Although I'm wondering if I can still have this delusional grandeur if my abuse was as bad or worse than the worst here. One delusional question I ask myself is 'What if God is prepping me for something greater, a noble purpose?' But then again, I'm so grateful (although regret) that there others out there who know and understand my pain. So in that sense, I'm grateful I'm not alone. Sorry for rambling. What I'm trying to say is that everything happens for a reason - scientists and clergy agree to this phenomena. What I'm hoping is that one day you'll all find what this reason is.

_________________________
I can finally admit I pretend to say and do nice things so people will think I'm a standout guy.

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#270179 - 01/06/09 11:46 PM Re: the broken hearted in christ... [Re: GentleSoul]
expom Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 123
Loc: Australia
Hi Nestor,
I, too, have struggled long and hard with this one. In April 08 I attended a 'Victim No Longer' weekend workshop here in Australia with Mike Lew and met other honorable men struggling to come to terms with our childhood experiences. The following weekend I was with a dozen guys from the church I attend. Our focus passage was one of my favourites - Psalm 139. I was hit between the eyes with verse 16 saying that all my days were recorded before they took place. "How could God allow what happened to me at the same time as loving me and knowing that I would come to know Him?". I refused to talk to God about anything else until He settled it in my mind. As with other replies, I agree that God is not to blame for what happened to me but I can reconcile that He was there with me - afterall I have survived when many didn't. I know that things could have a whole lot worse - for that I genuinely thank God. I also, now, have a route out of my pain and am already in a position to help shed some light onto the path of others so they can see their next step. Don't get me wrong, I still feel that my future has been damaged because of what I endured. Just like an amputation, I cannot retrieve what has been stolen - but I know and trust the only being that can. Without that I believe my future would be severely blighted. When my today gets too tough I find myself quoting "Ah Lord God, you who made the heavens, nothing, no absolutely nothing, nothing is impossible for You.

_________________________
I endured all my yesterdays. I prevail in all of my todays. I exercise my right to be able to enjoy my tomorrows. I choose not to do it alone.

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#270590 - 01/09/09 09:08 PM Re: the broken hearted in christ... [Re: expom]
nathan555 Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 230
Loc: Australia
A question to guys who love God and trust Him
I am a Christian I understand the power of prayer etc

I was in a recovery group and had this wall of pain in my head I asked the facilitator

God had shown him it was a wall of pain and shame
I have let Jesus renew the outside of the wall
but the other side is the darkness and mess of and from the abuse

I can pull the wall down

but how do I get cleansed from the darkness, the memories of the abuse, the habitual masturbating, gluttony, smoking in seceat,
the fantacies when masturbating - male (yes - I see that as shameful sin and please I don't want anyone contradicting my view of my understanding of myself as fantacising but straight) and female.

please


a week ago I talked to a well meaning telephone councellor
mentioned I had a ss fantacy and he immediatly said I was bi
and I could live two lives

it seemed attractive but each intruded into the other
its hopeless

man - I was just fantacising
how dare he condemn me to be bi !!

that sure is the devil's trap

been down that track before - those who encourage ss thoughts
they are sort of abusers except as an adult I should have ended the conversation
these particular telephone councellors suggest ringing them back stating their shift breaking their boundaries
promoting dependance etc

I'd like to do more work applying Gal 6 and Rom 6 - 8

does anyone know any Bible passage about recovering from abuse?

_________________________
5 depending on God's grace gives hope
6 my dark side , my hurt inner being my struggle
8 looking to the day of overcomming

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