Newest Members
Xr2, clt, Lumpy, squeekinby, rhyoung
12371 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
drivejoepublic (44), eagle299 (43), H18 (21), JJJ (43), mariposaman (63), SevenTwoTwo76 (39), TexAgMan (37), waiter (44), wgwarch (55)
Who's Online
6 registered (traveler, freeze-on, OCN, BraveFalcon, 2 invisible), 37 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12371 Members
74 Forums
63591 Topics
444238 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#267672 - 12/18/08 09:07 AM Another question
Asmodeus Offline


Registered: 10/25/05
Posts: 112
Loc: Vestavia, Alabama, USA
First I want to make it clear that I have no intention of hurting myself, that this is just a question. Why would someone who has been abused want to die. I can understand why I wanted to die while it was still going on. I can understand why I'm always depressed and paranoid this time of year. But I can't understand why suicidal thoughts and feelings always come back this time of year. I know these feelings will be gone in January, but I can't figure out what to do about them now. I'm already taking medicine for depresstion and I have an appointment with my psychiatrist this afternoon. Maybe I should ask him about temporarilly increasing the dose.

_________________________
I may not be perfect, but at least I'm not fake.

Top
#267700 - 12/18/08 11:56 AM Re: Another question [Re: Asmodeus]
MichaeldR Offline


Registered: 12/02/08
Posts: 36
Loc: South Carolina
Howdy, SgtPepper:

Good question. You may also ask the psychiatrist this question. I always attribute it to the shorter days. Our bodies are programmed in so many ways to keep us from harm. Have you ever noticed that on cold, rainy, cloudy days you have an instinctive desire to huddle in a warm dry place and stay there?

I believe that is nature's way (or if you would, the Universe's way or even, God's way) of telling us "it's dangerous out there, stay where it is safe".

I believe we are biologically set up to kind of remain more still, quiet and use less energy in the winter months when in former times (and not that long ago, really) food would be more scarce. Unfortunately a side effect is that we feel a little down. And those of us (and I include myself here) who are on the depressive side, be it biology or circustances, are more suseptible to having very dark moods, and suicidality.

But overall, it is less important that I know why, than doing what you are doing, asking ourselves "What Am I Going to Do About It"?

Just my $0.02,

_________________________
Mike

My mantras:

Easy Does I - - - - - - L o il y a la vie il y a l'espoir.
One Day At A Time - - - L o il y a l'espoir: la vie.
First Things First- - - Where there's life there's hope.
LIVE and Let Live - - - Where there is hope: life.

Top
#267760 - 12/18/08 05:47 PM Re: Another question [Re: MichaeldR]
beakin Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/13/08
Posts: 44
Loc: Texas
SgtPepper:

I've been suicidal at least from the age of 10. I'm finally working on the sexual abuse in my childhood and remember now why that's true.

I finally took an overdose at 18 and my family was told there was perhaps a 50/50 chance I'd make it through the evening. It had been hours since the overdose before I finally made it to the ER.

I then proceeded to try to drink myself to death for 33 years. I'm sober almost 6 years now. However, the suicidal thoughts are still with me. The difference today is that I accept that those thoughts will probably always be with me. So, I just don't let them bother me. I'm seeing a therapist about the abuse, so there's someone to talk to when the thoughts pop up particularly bad. But, I know today they're just thoughts. I don't have to act on them.

I never felt part of anything. Also felt unwanted. So, I'm not surprised that I ended up feeling like I and the world would be better off without me. However, I now know I'm worth being here. That helps me deal with it all.

Definitely talk to your therapist about this. And, talk about it here. It's amazing how sharing crazy thoughts can reduce their power. At least that's how it works for me. It's just that I spent most of my life feeling like I shouldn't share anything with anyone. Hey, you don't have to do this alone.

This is rough time of year usually for me, also. Three friends were killed in a car accident when we were 15. Other things came together that left me hating the holiday season. But, I don't need to know why so much anymore. As Mike said, it's much more about deciding what I'm going to do about it today.



ben

_________________________
Only you can do it, but you cannot do it alone.

Top
#267761 - 12/18/08 05:54 PM Re: Another question [Re: Asmodeus]
Asmodeus Offline


Registered: 10/25/05
Posts: 112
Loc: Vestavia, Alabama, USA
It should be easier to deal with now since my psychiatrist increased the dose of one of my medicines.

_________________________
I may not be perfect, but at least I'm not fake.

Top
#267882 - 12/19/08 04:46 AM Re: Another question [Re: Asmodeus]
MichaeldR Offline


Registered: 12/02/08
Posts: 36
Loc: South Carolina
Hey, Sgt.:

Great. I hope it helps. Stick around and hope to see you in a chat room. By the way, are you involved in any of the healing circle groups?

Regards,

_________________________
Mike

My mantras:

Easy Does I - - - - - - L o il y a la vie il y a l'espoir.
One Day At A Time - - - L o il y a l'espoir: la vie.
First Things First- - - Where there's life there's hope.
LIVE and Let Live - - - Where there is hope: life.

Top
#267961 - 12/19/08 03:06 PM Re: Another question [Re: MichaeldR]
Asmodeus Offline


Registered: 10/25/05
Posts: 112
Loc: Vestavia, Alabama, USA
I can already feel it helping. Even though I still didn't sleep through the night I was asleep before 11:00 last night. But no, I'm not involved in any of the healing circle groups here.

_________________________
I may not be perfect, but at least I'm not fake.

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.