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#275564 - 02/16/09 09:32 PM Re: Straight or not [Re: Survivinguy]
SIDUDE Offline


Registered: 02/05/09
Posts: 47
Loc: New York
Originally Posted By: Survivinguy
Originally Posted By: michael banks
Normal is one of the most useless words that people use to define themselves.


I agree completely - the idea of normal is what causes everyone such anxiety and isolation.


Normal is a social and cutural dictate!


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#275585 - 02/16/09 11:14 PM Re: Straight or not [Re: SIDUDE]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
that certainly seems to be the consensus from when the topic of normalcy has arisen in the past here on the site.

if you do a search here on the word normal you'll net a alot of results which will give you a lot to read about how other male survivors are dealing with the topic, that's for sure.

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#275589 - 02/16/09 11:36 PM Re: Straight or not [Re: Sans Logos]
lars3229 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/03/08
Posts: 800
Loc: Iowa
Actually, lately I've come to think of all of us here as normal. It's the rest of the world that isn't.

I mean, think of it this way, the "normal" people here are actually addressing, working on and dealing with their problems while the rest of the world just hides behind them.

Personally, I'm quite happy to be surrounded by so many normal people.

Peace all,

lars

_________________________
You may trod me
in the very dirt
But still,
like dust,
I'll rise.

-Maya Angelou

"I quite often remember to forget these sorts of things."
-Winnie the Pooh, The Tigger Movie

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#276500 - 02/21/09 09:12 PM Re: Straight or not [Re: lars3229]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
[Michael steps up on his soapbox.]

As survivors, our thoughts and feelings of sex are tainted and skewed. Thus, I think we are even more apt to buy into the false idea of defining our sexuality strictly on our physical attraction. By doing so, we can be easily confused, especially since our physical attraction can be towards our preference and towards our abuser. Our bodies are taught to react sexually to all sorts of stimulus that may or may not fall in line with our sexuality and there really isn't much we can do about it than to understand it and manage it.

For that reason, I really think we should look at emotional connections. Who do you want to share your secrets with and grow old with? Who are you romantically attracted to? Who do you connect with? I think this would be a better guide for us than to start from the sexual/physical point. I also think this is safer.

[Michael steps down off soap box.]

Good luck, peace and love...

Michael


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#277107 - 02/25/09 01:24 PM Re: Straight or not [Re: M3]
DESPERATELY TYIN Offline


Registered: 02/15/09
Posts: 7
M3
I read your "soapbox" piece with great interest because it spoke volumes about what partners want as well.That is so what I want between me and my husband"someone to share our secrets with ,to grow old with,to connect with and to be romantic with". My problem is that this is what seems to be always unavailable.The sex seems to be available to everyone.You see why we are all confused.Perhaps making yourself emotionally available would be the greatest gift you could give any significant other.I know it would be for me.Physicalcommitment would be easy if the fear of emotional commitment was overcome don't you think.
Still want to try


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#277302 - 02/26/09 01:16 PM Re: Straight or not [Re: wes-b]
overcomer4life Offline


Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
Y'all are helping me BIG TIME! Keep talking! LOL!!!!!!!!

I have found (through EXPERIENCE...if you wanna call that research) that I don't particularly like men or women. I like love. That has been my dilemma all this time. Wanting so bad to hear someone say those three magic words, even if I knew they didn't mean them. They meant them for the moment!!! To feel somebody's arms around me as I snored (lol)! To wake up and have someone who was there because they WANTED TO BE...they could be male or female. They met the need...that's all I have cared about.

I want to be 100% straight instead of 50% either!! But the process of becoming that is hard.

Society says that it is ok to be gay or bi - especially if you are a product of CSA! Being a Christian (by choice, not by hearsay from mama and the crew), I believe it to be against the teachings of God and have TOLD HIM that I want to change. I do WELL for a moment...........then in seconds that moment becomes a thing of the past as I give in again to satisfy the temporary need to be held, accepted, appreciated, admired.......loved!? Not sure....

So...uh...you guys keep talking. At this very moment, you are the posters on the classroom wall and I am SO learning from you!

LOL!


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#277305 - 02/26/09 01:20 PM Re: Straight or not [Re: M3]
overcomer4life Offline


Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
Originally Posted By: M3
[Michael steps up on his soapbox.]

As survivors, our thoughts and feelings of sex are tainted and skewed. [Michael steps down off soap box.]


Michael


NO SIR! YOU GET BACK UP THERE NOW! THIS INSTANT!!!!! If we were in church, I would raise a collection for you simply for that first statement! You preached!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOW!

I don't know if a healthy attitude toward sex is even possible considering what my dad's brother, my older male cousins, and the captain of the football team in high school did to me...when i was either too young to defend myself or being held down and made to take it!!!!!!!!!!! WOW! Get back up there sir!!!


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#277307 - 02/26/09 01:23 PM Re: Straight or not [Re: overcomer4life]
overcomer4life Offline


Registered: 02/25/09
Posts: 198
*giving Mr. Soapbox a standing ovation*


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#277310 - 02/26/09 01:31 PM Re: Straight or not [Re: SIDUDE]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
sorry, just saw this.....it's not because he is gay that he is not conflicted.....he's just not conflicted. ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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