No lack of self-expression there! I loved this line - I just couldn't let it get passed up by all the subsequent responses.

I think I have to qualify myself as a survivor with a fully secured set of blinders on this issue - I haven't let myself think this stuff out too far.

I'm married, I love my wife, I'm a father of two and I'm okay with my role as it is right now. I don't find myself struggling with denial of desires or feelings (I can't say I'm 100% straight without a single thought of anything else) but I'm content with my relationship with my wife so I guess I haven't spent too much time thinking about the other thoughts. Wow - is that ever a Charlie Brown (wishy washy) answer.

Oh well - it's all I have so far.

I was csa by a man an evil man
who violated me against my will
and part of his evil deed was setting off sexual pleasure
so he set within me a same sex grove

but I don't have to be ruled by that
I do not have to take it as my orientation

in fact the csa I experienced made me sexually disorientated

Nathan

survivinguy, what a refreshing attitude! it is good witness to find that there are men who had been abused, yet who are not conflicted about their sexual orientation. you merely accept that it is what it is, without apology, without shame.

sweet!

ron

Survivinguy,

Glad to see that i am not the only one who does not struggle with same sex attraction. Was starting to feel totally unique and not normal. But right now I don't have alot of sexual desire one way or the other. Really just an non issue.
Just dealing with things as they come lately and my plate has been over flowing as of late.

Mike

MB,

Sorry to hear your plate is full or over flowing!

"unique and not normal" for not struggling with same sex attraction - that's a switch isn't it?

Watching my gay friends struggle with feeling 'not normal' in society and then hearing that not struggling with same sex attraction makes you feel 'not normal' among fellow MS'ers - makes me think sometimes just accepting ourselves for wherever we find ourselves and giving up on 'normal' would make a whole lot of people a whole lot more content....maybe.

PM me if you want to share whatever is on your plate, I think I have some room on my salad plate.

Surving,

Normal is one of the most useless words that people use to define themselves.

What is normal? Is that not a very individualistic term.
What is normal for you maynot be normal for me.

Mike

I agree completely - the idea of normal is what causes everyone such anxiety and isolation.

Hi guys.

Yep, Michael had got it right. "NORMAL" is a useless word.

Straight or not? Well i was married for almost 36 yrs. I had two sons, i've got 2 boy grandkis. Soon I will be seperated from my wife, by emotions (my lack of) and distance.

Looking back on my life, almost 70 yrs, I have come to the conclusion that I shouldn't have been married in the first place. I never had any emotional attractions to girls/females. My "mother" was my first complete abuser. A male friend of the family took over from her. He gave me as a young boy his complete attention. He took an interest in me. He "taught" me things (good and bad). He gave me some emotional attraction and then on to sexual pleasures. My story is posted elsewhere. All my emotions throught my life was always towards males. Both sexually and pure emotionally. Emotionally towards my fellow brothers in that orphanage/Home, then onward throught my military career, and into my late adult years.

I have tons of emotions to my son and grand sons, I have tons of emotions toward my military friends (all males) all these are non sexual emotions.

But i never had any kind of emotions in my life for girls/females. With a brief exception in a span of 6 months with a very kind and loving German girl. (not my wife).

I have received all my "nurturing" emotionally and sexually from my main sexual abuser. I was his for years. All of my great sexual pleasures have come from a male, so very long ago. I have come to the conclusion both in my soul and what i have learned about myself in therapy. That i probably was always meant to be gay, just under the concious level of my mind all along.

Gay or straight? For me the choice is clear, gay. But for me I really don't care if i am "NORMAL" or not.

But for my brothers/friends on this particular subject.
I will accept YOU for just being YOU, whatever sexual orientation that you choose. I hope that this makes some sense to some one.

Heal well my brothers/friends.

Pete (Irishmoose)

Hi,
I was abused when I was 10. I definitely lean heavily toward the straight side but have had sexual encounters with men -- most when I was still in my 20s, a couple after 30. I have come to the conclusion, for myself anyway, that my interest in gay sex is more fantasy than reality. For years, I wondered if I just "did not want" to be gay and that I fantasized to meet that need or whatnot yet stopped short of actually having gay sex. Now, 20 years or so after my first gay encounter (willing, anyway) I am confident in my hetrosexuality, though not ignorant of my openness to the other side. What probably helped me reach some conclusion or comfort level is some gay friends -- three of them, over the years, who, in just observing me and getting to know me all were like, "Yep, it's clear you love women ... but can appreciate a guy now and then." Don't know if that helps at all, but ...

That is because he is gay, a hetrosexual man is bound to have major conflicts, just my 2 cents.....