Newest Members
Lumpy, squeekinby, rhyoung, Jefferson22, OxfordArms
12369 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
freddie (65), Max10 (56), Medos (46), PJinLB (47), TheWookinizer (27), tofeno (40)
Who's Online
3 registered (traveler, Obi, tbkkfile), 12 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12369 Members
74 Forums
63579 Topics
444199 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#267593 - 12/17/08 09:00 PM Straight or not
trustwho Offline


Registered: 08/09/08
Posts: 7
Loc: minneapolis,mn
I need some feed back. Sexualy abused as child. Married 15 years and paid to be with another man for sex. Scared to death


Top
#267605 - 12/17/08 11:01 PM Re: Straight or not [Re: trustwho]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
It is normal for survivors to act out with other men. Sexual Orientation confusion is common as well and as you progress in your recovery I think you'll get your answer. One big thing is you need to try to be faithful to your wife. I know that can be difficult but you need to work on it on this site or preferably with a therapist who has experience with Male CSA.

Jason

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


Top
#267622 - 12/18/08 01:12 AM Re: Straight or not [Re: onlyakid]
wes-b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 438
Loc: Western, Canada

Brother,

There are many of us who have walked in those shoes... focus on your healing and recovery, you can do it! Remember, there are a whole lot of people here to help and support you along the way. Jason gave you sage advice, grab it and run with it.

With love, Wes

_________________________
Happy to be a recovering survivor. :-)

Continuing to meet more of my fellows as I "Trudge the Road of Happy Destiny".

My Story, 1st pass

Top
#267688 - 12/18/08 11:08 AM Re: Straight or not [Re: onlyakid]
trustwho Offline


Registered: 08/09/08
Posts: 7
Loc: minneapolis,mn
Thank you I was so scared as I am hiv neg. and I am playing with fire. I have read about penatration and how it feels good and now that is what I fantasise about. I feel so confused and have a wonderful wife and daughter and I am realy hurting inside. I have had alot go on in this last year got realy sick was out of work for 5 mounths. I couldn't drive had to pushed in a wheel chair to physical therapy. I am in the process of filing bankrupcy and lost my sister in september 3 days before her 46 birthday. I did not cry at the funeral but lately have been shedding tears here and there. sorry for so long realy needed someone to vent to.


Top
#267740 - 12/18/08 03:59 PM Re: Straight or not [Re: trustwho]
trb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 16
Loc: Tulsa Oklahoma metro area
Glad your here and I am one of those that have walked in your shoes as Wes says.... (been there done that got the tee shirt) now trying to figure out and life a life with integrity. I also think Jason's advice is spot on, however I would add that it is defintently work lots of work and anymore I subscribe to the old creed "progress not prefection" creed.

I keep working but ain't there yet - but the work has been worth it so far even if the journey is not completed yet. (probably never will be)

Take care and be carefull and safe

_________________________
Hanging in there One Day at a Time
RB (trb)

Top
#271630 - 01/16/09 10:20 PM Re: Straight or not [Re: trustwho]
nathan555 Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 230
Loc: Australia
man apart from beinpaid for gay sex
its my struggle too

I have concluded that for me - oh shit this is hartd to say
memories of sexuialy abused as a child / flash backs
set off unwanted gay feelings

I concluded I have sexual desire
perverted by a man fondling my rocks and setting off sexual feelings
he had no right to do

don't know if it helps you but it breaks my fear to talk it over

I am chosig not to have gay sex
but its a struggle to resist the desire

Nathan 568


Top
#271854 - 01/18/09 09:07 PM Re: Straight or not [Re: nathan555]
Roofus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 233
Loc: Utah
Well, tough question. to be honest, I don't think you have given enough information for anyone to really tell you if you're str8 or not.

Just because you've had sex with a man (whether you paid for it or not) does not mean you're gay or even bi. I perceive sexuality as existing on a spectrum, as if you're looking at a spectrum of color between black and white. On one extreme there is true black and on the other there is true white. everything in between is a shade of grey, but nothing in between is true black or true white. Sexuality is the same, some people lean a little more toward the "black" side, and others more toward the "white" side... or you could say the "gay" side and "str8" side. some people extend a bit further to one side or the other. few are all the way to one side or the other, and most fall somewhere around the middle.

So, where are you? It sounds like the jury is out. I have had sex with a woman, but I am most definitely gay. I'm not a lipstick carrying purse packing, high heels kicking one... but damnit I prefer my kind of plumbing.

I think what you need to do is a lot of soul searching. I mean... what typically gets you up? and be honest with yourself. its easy to lie to yourself and say what society wants you to say... even to yourself. The most important part of self discovery is self honesty. so... if you really find yourself turned on by guys, then you might have something to go on. If sex with your wife is difficult, and/or you have to imagine "other" things... you might have more to go on. The key is... be honest with yourself, find out where you are on that scale, and then accept it, embrace it, and love it.

Good luck to you .
Allen


Top
#274470 - 02/08/09 02:48 PM Re: Straight or not [Re: Roofus]
riveerboy Offline


Registered: 02/04/09
Posts: 84
Loc: Indiana
The Human Condition. Seems like we are all stuck in that dilema. I find that I am aroused by visual, words, and thoughts. My senses are a bridge from the outer world to the inner. Men, women, and sexuality somehow they bore deep into the depths of something inside of me. Whatever power there is driving these feelings is also inside of me. All I can do is try to seek what is inside without making a mistake, or worst, making an unforgiveable mistake. The worst part is trying to move forward without repressing the movement. Putting a label on things can make everything more difficult. First is being a human being and second, for me, is healing. Pursueing things in life can be a powerful current that can catch us up and sweep us away. Especially when others have a way of stepping in and tugging you along.

The only thought that popped in is guilt. You had sex with a guy and paid. If there is guilt it will also be an inhibitor to keep you from looking honestly at your situation. Guilt is a big deal breaker in healing, in growing. Good Luck.


Top
#274973 - 02/12/09 05:58 PM Re: Straight or not [Re: riveerboy]
nathan555 Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 230
Loc: Australia
Riverboy wrote:
"Men, women, and sexuality somehow they bore deep into the depths of something inside of me. Whatever power there is driving these feelings is also inside of me."

anyone able to help me? today I am being driven by these feelings.

I want to get control
instead of these feelings controlling me

being made worse by trying to give up smoking - shouldn't have started again but then I was triggered

Nathan


Top
#274975 - 02/12/09 06:12 PM Re: Straight or not [Re: nathan555]
wes-b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 438
Loc: Western, Canada

Nathan, my brother...

I may sound like a broken record (in the age of mp3's)... but calling my fellows and surrendering control to God as I understand Her is what works for me... when I allow my wounded brain to convince me that my will can do it I am sure to falter.

When it gets too much and I struggle with surrender I can go for a walk or find a household project to address -- manual labour works to keep me in the present --

With love and prayers, Wes

_________________________
Happy to be a recovering survivor. :-)

Continuing to meet more of my fellows as I "Trudge the Road of Happy Destiny".

My Story, 1st pass

Top
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.