Newest Members
rhyoung, Jefferson22, OxfordArms, Anony_mous, Drew6991x
12367 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
rpalm06 (46)
Who's Online
4 registered (tbkkfile, 3 invisible), 11 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12367 Members
74 Forums
63557 Topics
444040 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#265568 - 12/06/08 06:06 AM help
mama Offline


Registered: 12/06/08
Posts: 8
My son has been abused in the local school, the school knew about the problem but did nothing, (kids are not allowed to be expelled so the perpetrater was allowed to curry on with the abuse). There for I had to remove my child from the school and put him in a boarding establishment.

His therapist says I should remove him from the bording establishment as it is not good for him, the problem is that were we live there is only the one school in a radius of 150km. My son does not want to be home schooled, as a mother I do not know what to do, I only want to do what is best for my son.

He was abused at 8 years old he is now 10 years old and loves his new school.

He has got problems with how to deal with anger.

Hope you guys can help me


Top
#265733 - 12/07/08 01:08 AM Re: help [Re: mama]
Brian Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 1563
Loc: Upstate NY
mama,

I would give serious consideration to the therapist's opinion. A 10 year old boy needs to be with a healthy, supportive family unit especially after such a traumatic experience.

Good luck,

Brian

_________________________
Recovery is Possible!

Top
#265742 - 12/07/08 03:53 AM Re: help [Re: Brian]
fromtoday Offline


Registered: 10/04/08
Posts: 74
Loc: UK
I second Brians post, maybe he's frightened of coming home because he finds it difficult to process whats happened and it's easier to "forget" at the boarding school.

I don't want to frighten you but it's important also to realise that you son will be a very vunerable little boy to the moment and this leaves him open to further abuse.

Maybe homeschooling wouldn't suit him because his peers have been so important to him through the abuse, could you move house to be close to the school, does his current school accept day residents?

Love S

_________________________
Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide,
No escape from reality
Open your eyes, Look up to the skies and see.....
_________________________________________________
Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody

Top
#265752 - 12/07/08 08:31 AM Re: help [Re: fromtoday]
mama Offline


Registered: 12/06/08
Posts: 8
His current school does accept day scollers, but cannot move to be closer to the school.

We do realice he is a vunerable little boy but I dont now howe to cope.

We as a family also got a lot of flax for moving the kids from school seeing as it is such a small comunity.

I have a daughter as well that I moved to the same boarding school as the one I moved my sun too to trie and make it eachier for him.


Top
#265949 - 12/08/08 12:19 PM Re: help [Re: mama]
fromtoday Offline


Registered: 10/04/08
Posts: 74
Loc: UK
Hi Mama,
It must be difficult, are you persuing any legal issues against the perpetrator, I'm getting from your post that the issue has been played down in the community or possibly not believed.

Have a read of some of the stories on these pages, this is not to frighten you but just to give you hope, if somebody would have stepped in when these men were young like your boy their future would have been very different.

Your sons therapist is most likely learning much more about your sons true feelings than what he's telling you, Listen to the therapist and ask their advice, you have been thrown into this experience there is no easy option or way out but you have a chance to help your son's recovery, sooner rather than later.

_________________________
Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide,
No escape from reality
Open your eyes, Look up to the skies and see.....
_________________________________________________
Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody

Top
#267083 - 12/14/08 09:22 AM . [Re: fromtoday]
Paul1959 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/17/06
Posts: 525
Loc: NYC
.


Top
#267170 - 12/14/08 08:37 PM Re: help [Re: Paul1959]
mama Offline


Registered: 12/06/08
Posts: 8
Hi Fromtoday

Yes it was played down in the community, They never denied that it was happening just that I am over reacting, my son is not the only one this happened to, one little boy started wetting his bed another boy lost wait. I am the only one who moved my kid even though you move your child you are still part of the comunity and still mix with these people seee them at shops and church. Because I took a stand my son was teased by the other kids and does not get invited by any of the local kids anymore.

I know my son is sharing more with his therapist than with me, when this all happened he saw himself as a failure and weak because he could not stop this from happening

There was reasons why we did not go the legal way

Mama


Top
#267235 - 12/15/08 01:01 AM Re: help [Re: mama]
Dusty Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/15/08
Posts: 280
Loc: Australia
If i were in your position I would ask the therapist why he has that opinion, and mabe even take time with the T and child to discus the school issues, T's dont always get it right.
As a parent sometimes you have to let your kids have dificult times and be there to support them when they come back to the nest.
I did a parent effectiveness course and it was a valuuable help enabling me to be there for my daughter.
Good on you for asking for help here I wish you well

Dusty


Top
#267239 - 12/15/08 01:14 AM Re: help [Re: Dusty Boy]
Zooey Offline


Registered: 11/23/08
Posts: 8
Loc: FL
Your child is happier at the boarding school because he's far removed from the site of the incident, but I don't believe that he should be in that environment. Like the other posts read, he is far too vulnerable and his family needs to protect him from further abuse.

That's just my opinion. I don't mean to frighten you.


Top
#267250 - 12/15/08 09:04 AM Re: help [Re: Zooey]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Speaking from the perspective of someone who spent a couple years in boarding school and of someone who in his adult life has worked at times with kids who were attending boarding school I'll say that it can be either a really negative thing or somewhat positive.

For me I don't think it was one or the other, but I've seen where in some cases the boarding environment is healthier for the kid than whatever he was dealing with before. For others it had a very negative impact leading to further sexual victimization among other abuses at the hands of both staff and students.

One last thing: If your child is in boarding school you need to be doubly vigilant in attending to his needs and letting him know he's loved and cared about by you. You need to be to every one of his special events. You need to be sending him weekly care packages and provide him a cell phone so he can call you and you can call him. When he has a leave from the school you need to be there to pick him up and take him home. Don't let him languish away the leave time in a lonely dormitory.

Best wishes to both of you.

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

Top
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.