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#265416 - 12/05/08 01:52 PM Frustrated with questions
Danbuff Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 249
Loc: NY state
Sorry guys,
I just pulled my post b/c I am not comfortable with my stuff sometimes.
Dan



Edited by Danbuff (12/20/08 06:38 PM)
Edit Reason: pulled by author
_________________________
When you stumble, make it part of the dance.

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#265523 - 12/05/08 11:40 PM Re: Frustrated with questions [Re: Danbuff]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi Danbuff,

I hear a feeling of disconnectedness in your post, like you don't feel as though you belong or should be plugged in anywhere. I can relate to that on a lot of levels, from friendships, family relationships, coworkers, the list seems endless at times. It's something I struggle with, and have struggled with all my life. I don't have any real answers in this one, but wanted you to know that I hear you and can relate.

On answering co-workers questions about how your weekend was after a WoR, that's really totally up to you. You only need to disclose such a thing to those in your circle that you feel safe with talking about it. You owe no information to anyone about this area of your life, as you are in control of this.

Peace to you, man,
Eddie

_________________________
Eddie

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#265604 - 12/06/08 11:39 AM Re: Frustrated with questions [Re: EGL]
Danbuff Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 249
Loc: NY state
Thanks Eddie,
I have my highs & lows like most do and thankfully turn to this place as an outlet which usually balances me. We all want and suffer the same stuff in our own unique ways.

I have wanted to do WOR a long time but have been unable. It is a new goal and I expect to learn from others and may even teach something unknowingly in that process. That is the beauty of this place.

I edited my post twice and honed it down to my issues rather than peripheral details. I have recently met a guy who knows nothing about me and while we just met, I am enjoying him tremendously. I caution myself about expecting more or getting rejected. He does not quantify my worth...only I do and that is they key to restoring balance even when I get anxious or have unrealistic thoughts and perceptions.

To my disbelief, he keeps in touch frequently and while it is only a few days, I feel more alive and am savoring the connection. He is my lesson that I am okay and I am more than pain. I am smart, fairly attractive, caring and able to be funny minus self-deprecating humor.

I am taking it slow and having faith that whatever happens will have meaning whether I like it or not.There are lessons in what happens which may not be apparent for a long time or they slap us in the face and sting...but we survive. I love the poem by Portia Nelson which helps me. I hope others here will appreciate it too. Here it is and I will post it elsewhere on the sight. But thank you Eddie...it all matters.
Dan

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS
by Portia Nelson
I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.
II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place
but, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

_________________________
When you stumble, make it part of the dance.

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#265631 - 12/06/08 03:11 PM Re: Frustrated with questions [Re: Danbuff]
MichaeldR Offline


Registered: 12/02/08
Posts: 36
Loc: South Carolina
Hi, Danbuff:

I'm relatively new here but I see that we Survivors need to take charge of our recovery. It seems that too many of us (and I include myself in this) are just waiting for something to happen.

A few weeks ago, if you had told me I would be involved in this MaleSurvivors movement and site, I probably would have told you that you're crazy. I didn't think it was a problem until it became THE problem, and probably the core issue of my life.

I'm now 45 years old and unemployed but one of the things that I have learned in the rest of my life is that I must look at what I have, and avoid looking at what I don't have. It does me no good to look at the glass half empty, at all.

So here's my gratitude list:

I am grateful that:

I'm not suicidal today (I was a month ago).
Even if I'm unemployed and broke, that I have food in the fridge and gas in the car.
I have a beautiful place to live, even if it is just a rented room from some new friends.
I have everything I really need, at this time, RIGHT NOW.
I have connected with people who care about me on this site.
I am relatively healthy (despite chronic asthma and a lung infection).
I am single and celibate (for almost 2 years), but not lonely.
I have a little hope.
I have a little faith, enough to realize that EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY!

Well, that's my Gratitude List, maybe you can come up with your own.

Best regards,


_________________________
Mike

My mantras:

Easy Does I - - - - - - Lą oł il y a la vie il y a l'espoir.
One Day At A Time - - - Lą oł il y a l'espoir: la vie.
First Things First- - - Where there's life there's hope.
LIVE and Let Live - - - Where there is hope: life.

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#265687 - 12/06/08 09:27 PM Re: Frustrated with questions [Re: MichaeldR]
Danbuff Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 249
Loc: NY state
Wow, You just blew me away Michael-David. I am in awe of your turn around and happy for you as well. Good job. I recount my own gratitude every day in meditation or simple prayer. I never allow a day to go by where I do not give thanks. It is humbling even when or especially because we feel depression, anxiety, insecurity and alone.

Yes everything will be OK and what we have is enough because all the past adversity had once seemed impossible and we make it through. You ARE a survivor in many ways. Thank you for the honor of hearing your pain and your strength. That is awesome and you have great insight about the things that do and do not matter.

Peace to you Michael-David,
Dan

_________________________
When you stumble, make it part of the dance.

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