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#265342 - 12/05/08 05:58 AM A summary of my story
Edinson Offline


Registered: 12/02/08
Posts: 3
Loc: UK
Dear All,

Thank you for your welcoming messages. I have not yet been able to check out the whole site but I am really exited that I have found something like this.

I am currently reading "Victims No Longer" by Mike Lew. However this is was printed about 20 years ago and was wandering if there ara any more upto date books out there.

I was sexually abused by my brother when I was about 10 years old. It has been dificult to come to terms with it and I have been to several types of counselling for the past five years and I still find it very difficult to discuss it with people close to me.

I have found it really difficult to deal with my sexuality and not being able to connect peepople in a sexual way that being men or women. I love women and the sensuality of their love and the softness and tenderness when making love. When I do have sex with men is always very furtive and when I am in a very drunk state. I guess if I am frank, I do enjoy the sex, but I do prefer sex with the ladies.

I wish I could tell people that I am gay but tha would mean that I would be lying to them and to myself. I wish I could tell people that I am straight but I feel the same way. And to call myself BISEXUAL always sounds like an easy way out or an excuse. I also feel very strongly that, had not been for the sexual abuse as a child, I would not feel atractted to other men.

Previous to my brother's abuse a was molested by a neibour who made me perform oral sex on him. I was about six or seven years old. and before that when I was aproximately four I was also abused by one of my eldest sister.

I am 40 years old. I was married for 5 years but we split up three years ego now. I sometimes feel lonely, but I do realise that I do not feel emotionally strong enough to start a new relationship, and sometimes I feel that I might not be able to ever have one.

It has been very gratifying to find this Survivors site and find that I am not alone in this world.


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#265372 - 12/05/08 09:01 AM Re: A summary of my story [Re: Edinson]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Edinson:

Welcome to MS. Here you will find understanding and acceptance. And from the sounds of your story, you are already well on the road to feeling better about yourself. Sure, this road has potholes, and pitfalls, but its very much a road worth travelling. And you'll see lots of us on the same road you are, going in both directions because that's how it works. Somedays you will feel really great; others will feel like you are going backwards. It takes time, and patience. Give yourself permission to experience it all, and you will soon find new friends, and coping mechanisms within you that you didn't know you have. Hidden treasures, that's what they are! Hidden until you need them most, and then SURPRISE! You'll find out in time.

Welcome again Edinson!
Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#265408 - 12/05/08 01:06 PM Re: A summary of my story [Re: Geeders]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Welcome to our support site. I think that you will find us to be a caring and supportive bunch of guys. I would suggest looking through our bookstore off of the homepage and maybe cross-referencing some of the titles through Amazon.com to see how recent that they are. Amazon will also give you a synopsis and related titles by the author. Therapist Mic Hunter, who wrote the classic recovery book ABUSED BOYS nearly 20 years ago, has had several more recent works. His last book came out last year and is about military SA. He works through the substance-abuse facility Hazelden in Minnesota and has an office in St. Paul. One of our members (Ken Singer) is currently writing his own book but I don't as yet know of a release date. There are portions of his book in several topics on the site.

On this site they are fond of promoting Mike Lew's book. This site also runs several intensive recovery weekends yearly in the US and Canada, and we are still hopeful that we can include either the UK or Europe in that schedule soon. One of our most senior members is a Professor at Oxford, and we have several other members from the UK too.

I found this recent link from Larry, (Roadrunner) that you might find useful: http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=265002#Post265002 Larry is the Professor that I mentioned above

Glad that you found us. You are not alone here. Remember that what happened was not your fault.

Most of the action is on the survivor forum.

Again, welcome to MS.

Mark



Edited by Trucker51 (12/05/08 01:26 PM)
Edit Reason: Added link
_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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