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#265183 - 12/04/08 10:27 AM Re: New here [Re: Barkabus]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2453
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, Matty, Welcome aboard, my friend, welcome to hell too. You are definately in the right place, at the right time and with the right people. Yes I felt abndoned too, but I was the one whom had moved away. After all he was the one that loved me, whereas nobody else ever did. Heal well my friend. The pain is great for sure.
Pete (Irishmoose)

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#265188 - 12/04/08 11:35 AM Re: New here [Re: petercorbett]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2469
Loc: UK
Welcome Matty,

You will find alot of people here feeling the same things as you, some people may be at the same stage as you and it is good to share your thoughts because you will find that you are not alone, and many people here have worked through many things already and can offer good insight and you will see that it is possible to get through some of these things. Don't rush into things too fast and take care, it is always tempting to jump in here and say everything that you havent been able to talk about with anyone before and have been wanting to talk about for so long (and trust me it is liberating to be able to say all these things and have people understand exactly what you mean and feel) but don't over-stretch yourself.

You have already talked about the fact that the only reason it stopped is because your neighbour left, and i'm sure you have lots of feelings about that. It is not unusual for that to be the case. When this starts at such a young age as in your case then you become conditioned to this kind of treatment. The only reason mine stopped is because they stopped doing it, and also with some intervention more recently. Many people, even though they don't like what is happening to them, may even develop a feeling of abandonement when the abuser leaves after such a long period of time, and it can be difficult to adjust. Some people even find themselves asking "does that mean there is something wrong with me?" because he just left. These kind of feelings, if for example abandonement is something that you do feel (i don't know and wont assume anything), are valid feelings and you shouldn't be afraid to talk about them, but you will find that these questions that may arise as stated or perhaps resultant feelings such as guilt for "letting it go on for so long" or the idea that you were somehow "in on it" are a consequence of the "broken" thinking due to the prolonged abuse and conditioning that you received from your abuser, even if you do not realise it quite yet.

This site should help you sort through your feelings and see that none of this was your fault and that you are a worthwhile person.

Lewis

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#265248 - 12/04/08 04:53 PM Re: New here [Re: king tut]
Matty Offline


Registered: 12/03/08
Posts: 7
Loc: US
Thank you all for the comments.

There are days I feel so much, my emotions in turmoil that I can't sort even any of it out. Then there are days I feel nothing, I just go about my day not even remembering my school day (my friend says I look like a zombie some days). For the past few days I have just laid awake either staring at the ceiling until morning, or crying. I do feel lots of guilt most times, that I should have had more control over the situation... even though the logical part of my brain says otherwise. I feel so lost without him, and yet that makes me sick to my stomach. That is the biggest part that sticks with me constantly since he left. Even though he said it was a job transfer, I feel like I pushed it on him. I was always so good to keep 'the secret' between him and I. Why did he leave me? Why did he leave me like this?

Well I am crying now and feel like I am going to throw up so I should go.

Matty


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#265253 - 12/04/08 05:32 PM Re: New here [Re: Matty]
Dusty Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/15/08
Posts: 280
Loc: Australia
Hi Matty

The guys here are really good and you will get a lot of support.
What I have learned is that molesters are most likely to work on the mind of the kids and get them to take onboard some ownership in the abuse. Let me assure you its the adult who owns the shame and guilt not the little boy who they abuse. At 10 you were too young to make adult decisions. And with your hormones only getting ready to kick in you were unable to give informed consent.
Stay strong, keep up the good work and ask as many questions as you like. You have made a good start

Dusty


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#265259 - 12/04/08 06:04 PM Re: New here [Re: Dusty Boy]
loberhead Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/08
Posts: 172
Matty,

Welcome to the site. I'm close to your age and I was also hurt by a neighbor. Sometimes I miss him, too. But, I think what I miss about him is the company and attention. I've found that I can get that through guys here. We are here to support you.

-Chris


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#265260 - 12/04/08 06:31 PM Re: New here [Re: Barkabus]
BroKen5 Offline


Registered: 11/25/08
Posts: 17
Loc: TN
Matty

I too found myself lost and confused. As stated earlier, we understand the pain, and are here to help in any way we can. Hang in there, you will make it. You are stronger then you think my young brother.

Ken

_________________________
Living in the present, shaped by the past, making a difference in tomorrows.

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#265262 - 12/04/08 06:46 PM Stolen Innocence [Re: Matty]
MichaeldR Offline


Registered: 12/02/08
Posts: 36
Loc: South Carolina
Dear Matti:

I'm sorry to hear about your prolonged abuse by your neighbor. I also was abuse by a neighbor several times as a boy.

I found a book recently at the Public library that has really impressed me. It was written by a 17 year-old girl who had been abused by an older male cousin when she was eleven and twelve. It's really a story of overcoming, and was based on her own diary entries as it was happening.

Stolen Innocence: Triumph over a childhood broken by abuse: A Memoir. By Erin Merryn. Health Communications, Inc. Deerfield Bch, Florida, 2004.

I hope your parents are helping you get to see a therapist or that you can get in touch with someone at your school about your experiences, someone caring who can help you work through this.

Best regards,

_________________________
Mike

My mantras:

Easy Does I - - - - - - L o il y a la vie il y a l'espoir.
One Day At A Time - - - L o il y a l'espoir: la vie.
First Things First- - - Where there's life there's hope.
LIVE and Let Live - - - Where there is hope: life.

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