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#265102 - 12/03/08 08:54 PM Law & Order SVU - December 2, 2008
Fissy Tsickens Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
I don't know if any of you watched this or caught the very end. The premise of the show was a female marine was raped by a male marine. She was impregnated and decided to keep the baby. Then she was found murdered in the trunk of her car, the premature baby savagely hacked out of her womb.

(Throughout the show, the theme of the female detective's PTSD from a sexual assault recurs continually).

Towards the end, the marine sergeant suspected of the crime was exhonorated by DNA, and they figure out the rapist/murderer was an officer/pilot from raped/murdered marine's unit.

Here's the point of my post: at the very end, the female detective is talking with the now-innocent sergeant. He assures her that the effects of her abuse eventually lessen and things get better. Then he looked into her eyes and said something like, "Believe me." At that point, it was apparent that the male marine sergeant had at some point been sexually abused, too. Well, between that, and the baby having been ripped from the womb and thrown into the river, I completely lost it. Cried like a baby like I haven't in months. Having lived through CSA, being an ex-Air Force staff sergeant, and having had twin sons born prematurely and only living for a few hours, it was all too close to home. For the first time in the sixteen years since we lost the twins, I told my wife that I felt like God didn't trust me with sons, like I'd abuse them as I'd been abused (which I've NEVER had any desire to do...I'm very protective of my kids and everyone elses...I've been an educator for 20+ years). I've felt like it was my fault we lost the twins all along.She made a brief comment like, "that's not true," but nothing more. Made me wonder if maybe SHE thinks it's my fault, too. We just lost our T and haven't seen a new one yet. Should make for an interesting discussion when we find a new one.

Did anyone else see this episode, and catch that exchange at the very end? My wife didn't pick up on it at all.

Peace,

John

_________________________
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Iíll never see

It may sound absurd...but donít be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wonít you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Itís not easy to be me

Top
#265107 - 12/03/08 09:33 PM Re: Law & Order SVU - December 2, 2008 [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
OICU812 Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 48
Loc: US
Originally Posted By: Fissy Tsickens
I don't know if any of you watched this or caught the very end. The premise of the show was a female marine was raped by a male marine. She was impregnated and decided to keep the baby. Then she was found murdered in the trunk of her car, the premature baby savagely hacked out of her womb.

(Throughout the show, the theme of the female detective's PTSD from a sexual assault recurs continually).

Towards the end, the marine sergeant suspected of the crime was exhonorated by DNA, and they figure out the rapist/murderer was an officer/pilot from raped/murdered marine's unit.

Here's the point of my post: at the very end, the female detective is talking with the now-innocent sergeant. He assures her that the effects of her abuse eventually lessen and things get better. Then he looked into her eyes and said something like, "Believe me." At that point, it was apparent that the male marine sergeant had at some point been sexually abused, too. Well, between that, and the baby having been ripped from the womb and thrown into the river, I completely lost it. Cried like a baby like I haven't in months. Having lived through CSA, being an ex-Air Force staff sergeant, and having had twin sons born prematurely and only living for a few hours, it was all too close to home. For the first time in the sixteen years since we lost the twins, I told my wife that I felt like God didn't trust me with sons, like I'd abuse them as I'd been abused (which I've NEVER had any desire to do...I'm very protective of my kids and everyone elses...I've been an educator for 20+ years). I've felt like it was my fault we lost the twins all along.She made a brief comment like, "that's not true," but nothing more. Made me wonder if maybe SHE thinks it's my fault, too. We just lost our T and haven't seen a new one yet. Should make for an interesting discussion when we find a new one.

Did anyone else see this episode, and catch that exchange at the very end? My wife didn't pick up on it at all.

Peace,

John


I don't watch Law & Order SVU because I find that most episodes deal with abuse and I find it very triggering. However, I would like to point out that this is listed as myth 6 on Malesurvivors main page and a classical depiction of the "vampire syndrome":

Originally Posted By: Malesurvivors
Myth #6 - The "Vampire Syndrome"—that is, boys who are sexually abused, like the victims of Count Dracula, go on to "bite" or sexually abuse others.

This myth is especially dangerous because it can create a terrible stigma for the child, that he is destined to become an offender. Boys might be treated as potential perpetrators rather than victims who need help. While it is true that most perpetrators have histories of sexual abuse, it is NOT true that most victims go on to become perpetrators. Research by Jane Gilgun, Judith Becker and John Hunter found a primary difference between perpetrators who were sexually abused and sexually abused males who never perpetrated: non-perpetrators told about the abuse, and were believed and supported by significant people in their lives. Again, the majority of victims do not go on to become adolescent or adult perpetrators; and those who do perpetrate in adolescence usually don't perpetrate as adults if they get help when they are young.


If you don't have any desire to hurt any one sexually than you never will, its that simple. I am very sorry for all of your losses, its when I see people who have gone though so much more than me that I doubt I have PTSD.

Hope that helped
sincerely,


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#265125 - 12/04/08 12:23 AM Re: Law & Order SVU - December 2, 2008 [Re: OICU812]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
I caught that part too, I watch SVU every week but it takes a lot of preparation for me... it gets to messing with me real bad.

I was discharged from the Corps in a way that was touched upon during the episode which made it really hard to get through. There are some really bad leaders out there that do abuse their positions, like mine did, in order to do what they want and then cover their tracks as they did with me. That is not a standard in the military though... it's just that some of the high ranking individuals have learned to manipulate their power to give them advantage.

The character that you were talking about really depicted a lot of the guys I knew and me myself back then.... always do the right thing inspite of the recourse and protect eachother. True leadership was always respected because they earned it. Besides, I could lay claim that the majority of us who chose the military were abused in one form or another. I know that's true for us jarheads. The corps is where I learned to truly trust, my first home and real family.

_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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#265285 - 12/04/08 09:16 PM Re: Law & Order SVU - December 2, 2008 [Re: usmc97]
G5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 203
Loc: New Jersey
Hey John,

In no way were the twins taken away from you because of your past and the 'possibility' of you abusing them. No way. No how. This I say based on the man I met at the WoR. We have to figure out a way to stop blaming ourselves for what happened to us as children and any terrible thing that happens again to us along the way.

Your twins, God bless them, are sorely missed for sure. You would've been (and are) a wonderful father to them as well as to your other children. It may be a small blessing that you saw this episode and that you were able to experience your pain in losing the two. You are not to blame and I ask that you try to put that shame aside and focus on how great a dad you would've been to them......I think they realize that also. Could they be helping you in your journey? I'd like to think so.

Best wishes,
Chris

ps: feel free to email me if you'd like

_________________________
WoR Kirkridge '08
WoR Alta Advanced '09
International Conference '10, '12
Oprah 200
PA Support Group
WoR Alta Advanced '12
"Silence Buster"

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#265500 - 12/05/08 10:36 PM Re: Law & Order SVU - December 2, 2008 [Re: G5]
Fissy Tsickens Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
Hey, guys.

Thanks so much for your responses and input. It's been kind of a tough "rest of the week." I've broken down several more times; once at work, which kind of freaked me out. I was able to close my office door before anyone saw me. I really didn't want to try to explain THAT at work, though I'm working on building up the courage to disclose to my secretary and another colleague. My T and wife both thought it would be good for me to have a support network at the office. Now I guess they're right.

Peace,

John

_________________________
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home Iíll never see

It may sound absurd...but donít be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but wonít you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
Itís not easy to be me

Top
#265543 - 12/06/08 12:50 AM Re: Law & Order SVU - December 2, 2008 [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1241
Loc: NY
I did not read this post or any of the replies. That Show I don't like. I think that it give the public an unrealistic view of what survivors have to deal with---its not nice and tidy and over in one hour.

I also try to actively avoid things that I know can and very well maybe triggering!!!

I just wanted to say, please next time add a *Trigger Warning* at the beginning of the post, even if it may be obvious.

Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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