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#264846 - 12/02/08 05:18 AM Bridges Burned Before Lessons Learned
Stretch73 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/27/08
Posts: 336
Loc: Sea Isle City, NJ
Last night I received a private message from one of my critics. He told me that I am not trustworthy because I have never posted my story in its entirety on this site. I have no plans to ever do so. My history I have and will ever consider posting is only what people need to know, nothing more and nothing less. ďI was physically and sexually abused as a child.Ē Iíll save all the juicy details for myself.

Considering the happenings of the last few days, it is obvious to me that tensions are flaring, hearts are being broken, and trust is being taken for granted. This only proves how significantly broken some are, including myself. Some of us handle resentment and finger-pointing differently, and when faced with the notion of returning to the shell we have broken free from by talking about our past and our problems, we shy away sometimes, and sometimes we throw tantrums. I am hardly without contempt and responsibility for just that. I can certainly lend a helping hand to anxiety and frustration by aggravating the problem oh so much.

My intent is never to hurt anyone, but sadly, I always seem to bring the worst out of people, most especially here. I have a habit of not being judgmental, but maybe more honest than I should. I negate understanding how other people feel and how I make them feel. I understand that issue. I guess I just have a certain way of doing things and itís hard to break free from the daily norm to conform to what everyone thinks is a problem. As Iíve admitted to in the past, I lack apathy and empathy.

There was a time in my life when I was backed into a corner, and I thought the only possibility of freedom was to either fight my way out or love my way out. I chose fighting back. I chose war over diplomacy. I didnít know any other way. I was just a kid, but a kid who had to grow up fast. I suppose had that kid been helped out of the corner, maybe he wouldíve turned out quite differently. Iíve been fighting my way through brick walls for such a long time that I didnít see that ladder leading up.

When I first got to this site, I spoke briefly with Muldoon (Tom) on the site and on the telephone. He insisted that instead of calling obstacles in my life a ďfight,Ē but rather a ďchallenge.Ē Itís true, I should do that. The thing is, Iím just so used to fighting that I donít realize thereís a difference. To say that I didnít think my post would get a negative reaction from some would be untrue, but I didnít think such an uproar would be forthcoming either. I have seen everyoneís point, particularly Andyís, and maybe we can work things out somehow and move on from this little episode.

I can promise my continuance of honesty, and Iíll work on the way I treat all of you. I canít make any promises on that one, but Iíll try. This post is not meant to be an apology, because frankly, Iím not sorry. I could write sorry in this little space _______, but if I did, it wouldnít mean anything and Iím not about to lie to make you all feel comfortable. I think thatís understandable, right? Besides, why would anyone want an empty apology?

Can someone point me in the direction of the room where the Healing Circle is taking place?

Take care, to the members of this site and that site.

Rich




Edited by Stretch73 (12/02/08 05:19 AM)
_________________________
"I was so poor growing up, that if I wasn't born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with." Rodney Dangerfield

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#264859 - 12/02/08 08:19 AM Re: Bridges Burned Before Lessons Learned [Re: Stretch73]
Gerald2007 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 157
Loc: Southeastern US
Rich,
Your post shows that you have been spening some time thinking about your stuff. For what it's worth, I think that is good.

Burned bridges can be rebuilt. But rebuilding a bridge may land you at slightly different road or point on your journey. And that can also be a good thing!

In my opinion, how, when, how much, or even if you disclose is your decision alone.

Take care,
Gerald

_________________________
Alumnus: Weekend of Recovery - Dahlonega, May 2008 and May 2009
We are bound together by the pain of the past and our hopes for the future.

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#264869 - 12/02/08 12:08 PM Re: Bridges Burned Before Lessons Learned [Re: Gerald2007]
endlessjourney Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 518
Loc: Cincinnati Ohio
Good post. I didn't get to read the passage you mentioned but what ever it is, I know its easy to pick up that sword and start battling anything that comes your way. The hard part is putting that sword down and letting go. I still struggle with that at times and I've been working on it for years. Its been getting better tho.

_________________________
Truth is the very reason we strive to live. It surrounds and resides within us. Accepting the truths we already know and seeking out those we do not is a direct path to inner balance and joy. For life is not a means to an end, but a journey. Life comes and goes but the truth will always live on.

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#264873 - 12/02/08 12:16 PM Re: Bridges Burned Before Lessons Learned [Re: endlessjourney]
Roofus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 233
Loc: Utah
Hey Rich,

You may want to talk to Michael (M3) about joining our HC on Sunday evenings if that works for you. Let's see you're East coast... so... 9PM Eastern, 8PM Central, 7PM Mountain, 6PM Pacific. Just PM Michael.

Allen


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#264887 - 12/02/08 03:10 PM Re: Bridges Burned Before Lessons Learned [Re: Roofus]
Niels Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/07/05
Posts: 196
It is important to know - when to fight and when to run. Over the years I have become better at picking what is worth fighting for and what is not important. I loose and get battlefatique if I pick every fight. In the serenity prayer - we ask for serenity to accept the things we cannot change and courage to change the things we can - and wisdom to know the difference. On a forum we only have our words to show who we are (and a few pictures) and we have to be careful with each other. Men come here to find allies in recovery from childhood sexual abuse. We have different personalities and sensibilities, so I have learned that I have to be careful with other peoples hearts when I choose my words. I can only be honest and be myself. Warts and all.

_________________________
I live in my own little world - but that is OK! - They know me here.

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#264963 - 12/02/08 11:14 PM Re: Bridges Burned Before Lessons Learned [Re: Niels]
Stretch73 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/27/08
Posts: 336
Loc: Sea Isle City, NJ
That's good advise, Niels. I'll consider it. wink

Rich

_________________________
"I was so poor growing up, that if I wasn't born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with." Rodney Dangerfield

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