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#26429 - 12/07/02 03:28 AM God .... what a night
Chey-Wy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 241
Loc: Cheyenne, WY
Tonight I went to the theater with my mother. That seems to be my social life since my father passes away .. to be the designated driver for my mother and her widdow friends. But that is not the issue here.

We arived at the theater early ... mother can never be late .... and everybody got a cup of coffee. I was tired and not really wanting to be there but I was looking forward to a relaxing evening. The play was " A Christmas Story". It is about a little boy that wants a BB gun for Christmas .... and does everyting wrong to get it. Even uses the F word when helping his father change a flat tire.

Well, we were sitting there drinking our coffee, and who walks in. Ted, my first perp. I hadn't seen Ted since I left the church. Actually, Ted is a good part of the reason that I left the church. Ted's wife died in July or August and Ted had re-joined the church choir and the Hand-bell choir ..... both were activities that I really enjoyed. Ted Raped me 10 days before Dr. Laughlin ( the minister at the church did) Ted immediately came over and started making small talk. Ted was drunk as usual. I tried to keep a safe distance but Ted just kept following me. Thank God that the play was about to start.

At intermission Ted started again. There were several other people from the church at the play. Ted told me that " You know how MY house was designed for entertaining .... I need to have you and your mother over for some "Christmas Cheer" ( Yea right Ted ....you will wait until mom goes into the bathroom and then start groping me) He raped me in the house with his wife upstairs .... and groped me in church several times when there were people right around the corner) ( WHY DIDN"T I EVER SCREAM OUT? ... Probably because he scares me)

I don't remember much of the second act or the play..... all I remember is having flashbacks ... to Ted's basement ... The Green walls in the room where he raped me .... To the hallway in the church .... where he groped me ..... to the Cadilac with the leopard skin upolostry where he molested me when my car broke down and I needed a ride home.

I have to stop ... I am shaking to badly ....

I also got into a fight with my attorney today ... he says I am being too impatient ..... Fuck... he told me he would have a letter for me in five days .... and it was two and a half weeks before he got it back to me. The church has had the letter for 10 days .... and has not acknowledged the letter ..... and I am afraid that when they "address" the letter it will be at a session meeting .... in front of 30 church members. I have told my attorney this .... and that this is the last thing that I want ..... because I know what a bunch of gossips the session members are.

One other thing. I saw 10 people from the church at the play tonight. Not one of them said that they missed me in the choir.... that they missed seeing me in church. I did run into a friend at the grocery store the other day .... and she said that she had heard that I had left the church. She said that she had heard it from her mother that sings in the choir. I have not left the church .... but have chosen not to attend... I love how the rumors get started. That is why I am so concerned about this going to session ..... the rumors will be that I seduced Dr. Laughin ( the minister) instead of the truth being told. I want the story to be told ... when it is told .... by me.

I need to try and get some sleep ... I'll go and take the sleeping pills that don't help ... and toss and turn all night .... my bed looks like it has been through a blender every morning when I wake up.

Thanks guys,

John

_________________________
From the Song MOUNTAINS by Lonestar.

Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb

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#26430 - 12/07/02 08:21 AM Re: God .... what a night
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
( ( ( John ) ) )
Those are gentle brotherly hugs or pats on the back or waves of brotherly love or whatever you want them to be...

Believe it or not, I'm speechless ...

and I hurt for you, my friend. \:\(

Wuame

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#26431 - 12/07/02 05:11 PM Re: God .... what a night
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
John
you have a remarkable amount of strength and tolerance, may of us would have just hit him !

I'm sure this will carry you through to the result you deserve

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#26432 - 12/08/02 11:27 AM Re: God .... what a night
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
Hi John,

Too bad that something that could have been at least a little distraction became a fright again.

John, would it make sense to have your lawyer write a letter to Ted threatening him with exposure if he comes near you again? It would be like a restraining order but not quite as legal. You have been in therapy and your T, with your permission, could talk about the harm he did to you, if the jerk tried to make trouble for you.

It just seems to me that letting this man know that you as an adult have issues of him sexually assaulting you, might be a good way to get him to kep his distance--and to keep his mouth zipped thightly My point would only be what would make you comfortab;e and help you feel safe since you live in a small city with this man.

Peace to you friend.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#26433 - 12/08/02 12:42 PM Re: God .... what a night
Richard Gartner, PhD Offline
Past President
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/20/00
Posts: 404
Loc: New York, NY, USA
These are good ideas. In the meantime, take one day at a time.

_________________________
www.richardgartner.com

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#26434 - 12/08/02 12:45 PM Re: God .... what a night
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
good advice Bob, John I am sorry you had to see him and that it had to ruin the play. I saw the movie version, and it was quite funny. You need to have a good time, too bad he keeps popping in.

Take care of yourself.

MJ

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#26435 - 12/08/02 05:24 PM Re: God .... what a night
Chey-Wy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 241
Loc: Cheyenne, WY
I want to thank everyone for their support. Today ( Sunday ) things seem better. Also, I got an e-mail from my attorney. He gave me a time line of what he expects to happen and when and what he will do if it doesn't.

As for Ted. I have never confronted Ted. I know that he will say that it was consentual. YEA RIGHT TED. When you grab the top botton of someones 501's and rip them off that is consentual. I did get in touch with Brian B14. ( has several post on here) He is a police officer. I am going to talk to him tonight about what to do with Ted and what can be done to Ted. I know that you guys are right. Living in a town the size of Cheyenne I am going to see him around. It would be nice if it were HIM and not me that had to avoid the other person. Also, it pisses me off every time I see him driving his fancy new Cadilac ... while I am driving my 8 year old pickup. I figured it out the other day. What I have spent on therapy and meds over the last 10 years. ( I could be driving the new truck that I saw the other day)

My T is out of town until after Christmas and I think I am going to put my life ( and all the issues) on hold until after Christmas. Tim ( attorney) did tell me that if he hasn't gotten a response from the church by Wed. he is going to give the church a call. I should be busy at work and with my part time Christmas job. Actually busier at the part time than at work ... but the important thing is that I won't have a lot of free time on my hands.

Thanks for all the support everyone

John

_________________________
From the Song MOUNTAINS by Lonestar.

Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb

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#26436 - 12/08/02 07:05 PM Re: God .... what a night
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
John, I'm glad your attorney has a time line, and I hope he sticks to it & sticks it to the church & especially "Cadillac Ted!" Maybe "Mr. Cadillac" can be made to pay for your T & meds for the last 10 years & the next 10 if you need them, buy you that new truck, and turn over that Cadillac to you to boot!

If not, may his gas tank be filled with sugar, his tires with rusty nails, his days with misery & shame, his nights with restlessness & nightmares. Furthermore may the fleas of a thousand camels infest his armpits!

Hey, I know that sounds like an impossible dream, but I heard a sermon by that title this morning, and they do happen!

Even when they don't, impossible dreams are sometimes about the only thing that keeps me going!

As for you my friend, may you find peace & justice, with healing & joy in increasing measure!

Wuame

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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