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#264101 - 11/27/08 09:59 PM "god is going to leave you if you tell"
potchoman Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/08
Posts: 18
Loc: colorado
well here goes...that was what was said to me by the first priest (Fr. Albert) that raped me...the second one (Fr. Gouveia) said as he anally raped me that i would make a nice little girl...i am working this in many ways and am need of some input from anyone who knows from the standpoint of a survivor...thanks in advance...


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#264104 - 11/27/08 10:08 PM Re: "god is going to leave you if you tell" [Re: potchoman]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Hi potchoman,

It's insidious the things the abusers did to ensure the silence of their victims, as well as to humiliate them further than they were already doing. My abuser brother used to call me "little sister" as his way of reminding me that I was there to service him in the way a female would. It's hard to overcome these type of memories of the abuse and the scars they left on us, but I think it is possible. You're doing the right thing to do that by talking about it and how it affects you.

Eddie

_________________________
Eddie

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#264154 - 11/28/08 09:27 AM Re: "god is going to leave you if you tell" [Re: EGL]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977



"You are going to make some one a good wife some day," he said. I remember thinking that was a compliment when I was very young.

After asking "why?" for too many years, I guess I am resigned to consider that...the statement alone, is enough of an indictment, when placed into the context of having been said before during or after any adult rapes a three or four year old.

The next logical step might be to consider that everything he said was tempered by his own selfish desires and fears. Because I just cannot imagine the huge amount of rationalization necessary to do it...to hurt so much, then, come back and do it again and again.

How reliable is any information when it's only purpose is to manipulate, coerce? And, what does it suggest about any individual...how much strength does it take, courage does it take, how "big of a man" do you have to be to fool a three year old?

I guess, now, it isn't, "What was he thinking?" but, more likely, "How was he thinking?" that I think about now. And, as I consider that, I find compassion for the little three year old that was fooled so completely, wanted to believe so much.

The hard part has always been, maybe...every dog can bite but, will every dog bite? As you hold out your hand again and, take that risk...


:-)


Dave

_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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#264175 - 11/28/08 11:45 AM Re: "god is going to leave you if you tell" [Re: ttoon]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
potchoman,

I can just imagine how you feel. The man who abused me was as much into the shaming and humiliation he could inflict on a child as he was into the sex - if not more. He told me God only lets this happen to retards and rejects. He also warned me of how awful it would be if the minister of our church ever found out (the abuser was a deacon). He would call a meeting of the Session and they would take me into a secret room under the old part of the church where I would be passed around among them. Then they would vote and send me to hell.

As Eddie suggests above, you're doing the right thing by talking about this here. Talking is a great way to break the silence and reject the lies - and all those things you heard were among the worst lies any abuser could tell to a boy. You were always, special, always important, always deserving of love and respect. Talking will help you see that the same is still true today.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#264278 - 11/29/08 02:48 AM Re: "god is going to leave you if you tell" [Re: roadrunner]
potchoman Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/21/08
Posts: 18
Loc: colorado
Thanks to all of you...it was not easy to reveal this here for me especially the part abput being a nice little girl...i dont feel so alone...i cannot say anything more except thanks...

potchoman


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