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#264205 - 11/28/08 02:04 PM Re: a question about siblings [Re: Kathryn]
dusty42 Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 111
Loc: Kentucky
Dusty42 has deleted this message. I no longer feel safe here.



Edited by dusty42 (03/18/09 02:29 PM)
Edit Reason: I no longer feel safe here
_________________________
Pinky: "Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world."

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#264207 - 11/28/08 02:07 PM Re: a question about siblings [Re: Kathryn]
Kathryn Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/08/07
Posts: 303


I didn't mean to imply that children aren't "pure" victims, they are.

What I meant is that it sets up in the child the impossible choice to either identify with their victimhood or with the abuser. There's not a lot of other choices. So we tend to think either we're crap or everyone else is....

So then we're very often stuck with dealing with the triangle of victim, victimizer, rescuer. Or at least this is what it seems to me when we look at the effects it has in our intimate relationships.

K.


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#264208 - 11/28/08 02:09 PM Re: a question about siblings [Re: Kathryn]
Kathryn Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/08/07
Posts: 303


Hey dusty, he didn't hate you because you weren't good-looking enough, he hated you because he needed someone to hate. You just happened to be there.

K.


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#264269 - 11/29/08 12:58 AM Re: a question about siblings [Re: Kathryn]
dusty42 Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 111
Loc: Kentucky
Dusty42 has deleted this message. I no longer feel safe here.



Edited by dusty42 (03/18/09 02:29 PM)
Edit Reason: I no longer feel safe here
_________________________
Pinky: "Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world."

Top
#264277 - 11/29/08 02:15 AM Re: a question about siblings [Re: dusty42]
ptb Offline


Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 13
Loc: NJ
Dusty I can't answer that. Only he can. But really does it matter why? It's nothing you did, it couldn't be. It's his twisted mind that made the decision, you were just a kid and totally blameless.

~ptb~

_________________________
So what becomes of all the little boys,
Who run away from home,
Well the world just keeps gettin' bigger,
Once you get out on your own,
So here's to all the little boys,
The sandman takes you where,
You'll be sleepin' with a pillowman,
On the nickel over there.
Waits

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#264298 - 11/29/08 10:00 AM Re: a question about siblings [Re: ptb]
Kathryn Offline
Guest

Registered: 02/08/07
Posts: 303


Hey Dusty,

Who really knows why? But we can engage in speculation, and find a satisfactory story that begins to allow the grip of the question to loosen it's hold....

And it seems to me that one aspect of a likely story is that most of us split the concept of Good and Bad -- there are Good aspects of ourselves, and Bad aspects of ourselves. And we tend to project onto others these aspects.

So, for instance, if a person prizes industriousness and hates laziness, and sense we all of both industrious and lazy aspects, there's a need to project the hated parts of ourselves on others, so the white racist hates blacks for being lazy -- he/she says: "I'M not lazy -- THEY are. It's not ME it's THEM".... I'm perfectly industrious, as are all white folk....

So basically, it's a splitting operation about aspects of ourselves that we project onto others.... The Good and the Bad, Love and Hate, Me and Them. Most of us are just mixtures, as is the world around us.

Take care,
Katie


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#264303 - 11/29/08 11:02 AM Re: a question about siblings [Re: soapy bubbles]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
sb just a buncha things that come to mind

1. it was easier to abuse the last one, because at some point there are less people around to interfere with it. husbands go to work, kids go to school, except that last one who is left at home with mom. surrogate husband/intimacy needs issue?

2. abuse being about control: perhaps has something to do with life in general being in squalor and dysfunction. are you aware of any subtle destructive dynamics carried over from unresolved issues of the first marriage?

3. a belief that she could get away with it with 'this particular one'

4. a demoralizing downward spiritual spiral that culminated in a situation of sexual abuse?

obviously, the propensity had been there all along. it would be assumed that others were abused if not overtly, then covertly. it just became convenient to follow thru with the last one.

have you asked the others is they have memories of having been abused?

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#264331 - 11/29/08 01:57 PM Re: a question about siblings [Re: EGL]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Originally Posted By: EGL
I think one of the most famous examples of what you described is noted in the book called "A Child Called It" by David Pelzer. Like you described, he was singled out by his psychotic mother for particularly brutal abuse, while the other siblings were relatively unscathed in comparison.

An interesting point about this case and others that have been documented is that once David was removed from the home the mother turned her abuse on another of her boys who heretofore had been among the "favored" children.

The parent in these kinds of situations is often so mentally disturbed that they must always have a victim even if that victim was once a favorite.

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#264342 - 11/29/08 03:04 PM Re: a question about siblings [Re: WalkingSouth]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2465
Loc: UK
yes singling out just one child seems to be what happens, i think it is because you can keep one child quiet, and maybe they pick the quietest or the youngest or the most vulnerable or the easiest manipulated or the nicest looking or the smallest or easiest to physically control or manipulate or lots of reasons. they are ill people who like to keep prisoners to use whenever they want. and maybe they only want to keep one child because then they feel like all the disgusting things they do are likely to have no consequences because nobody will even find out because they have that much control.

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#264457 - 11/30/08 01:18 AM Re: a question about siblings [Re: king tut]
dusty42 Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 111
Loc: Kentucky
Dusty42 has deleted this message. I no longer feel safe here.




Edited by dusty42 (03/18/09 02:28 PM)
Edit Reason: I no longer feel safe here
_________________________
Pinky: "Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?"
The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky—try to take over the world."

Top
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