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#263880 - 11/26/08 08:42 PM Advisory: fraud on site
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Everyone,

It has come to our attention that Toby/feelingafraid is actually a 22-year-old woman survivor named Sarah who suffers from problems with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). She has admitted that this is the case and she has accordingly been banned from MaleSurvivior.

If you have questions about this case or are feeling ambushed or betrayed, the best thing for you to do is to talk about it. But you should not feel foolish. Such cases do come up from time to time and on the Internet there are limits to how fast these cases can be discovered. Sometimes we catch them within a few minutes; other times it takes longer; in other situations, as in this one, the truth emerges through a confession.

If you would like to speak privately with Trish, me or any of the moderators please just let us know. I will leave this thread open in case you want to share thoughts about the matter here. This is one that triggers many guys; please try to be there for each other.

Larry, aka roadrunner
Site Administrator

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#263886 - 11/26/08 09:04 PM Re: Advisory: fraud on site [Re: roadrunner]
Stretch73 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/27/08
Posts: 336
Loc: Sea Isle City, NJ
You have got to be fucking kidding me?

_________________________
"I was so poor growing up, that if I wasn't born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with." Rodney Dangerfield

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#263888 - 11/26/08 09:18 PM Re: Advisory: fraud on site [Re: Stretch73]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
Omfg! I tried to find any posts she responded to or I did I and I don't find them. How long was she here?

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#263890 - 11/26/08 09:23 PM Re: Advisory: fraud on site [Re: Tinman]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
Shit. She is a survivor? How do we know that? How do we know she is not playing another game?

If she is a survivor, then I can't understand. There are plenty of sites for female survivors.

I want to thank the mods for this. I don't know how you even uncovered her, but I am glad you did.

There is no excuse for this. She took advantage of survivors. She was responsible for her actions!

I guess I am just spinning with this. I never even considered that anyone on here might be a fraud!

Paul

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#263891 - 11/26/08 09:26 PM Re: Advisory: fraud on site [Re: Tinman]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
I was wondering why he never responded to my PM when I invited him to lunch. Oh well, lol. LOSER!


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#263892 - 11/26/08 09:32 PM Re: Advisory: fraud on site [Re: Hauser]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2469
Loc: UK
I am suprised Toby (Sarah), you had me fooled, it's good that you came clean, but i wish you hadn't lied

I thank you anyway for any times we have talked, and hope you can work on your issues now in a better way.

I guess your signature line may now take on new meaning?

Originally Posted By: feelingafraid
Hes a little boy let him be a little boy for the boy we never got to be.
Timmy


_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#263895 - 11/26/08 09:55 PM Re: Advisory: fraud on site [Re: king tut]
ineffable Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
I met one member in chat when I first arrived here that I had "gut feelings" about
who I later found out to have DID & we are bros always.

I had gut feelings about toby when I met him in chat & talked a couple of times.
They were a different kind so I kept my distance.

I understand DID as extreme forms of moods or aspects of personality that have to split to keep the
"whole" person safe & connected, albeit sometimes unconsciously.
It all comes from extreme trauma.
That helps me be compassionate for the "committee head/chair person".

I think a lot of us have been traumatized in the past by people who misrepresented themselves to us,
some dangerously & invasively so, so...
that gets triggered again & we might be retraumatized by that.

What's important for me is to remember that the person is not the "diagnosis".
Meaning someone with DID can have "pleasant" & "personable" alters & some can have "others".
I also have a friend that lived as an "alter" for months.

I think it is important not to over react to those here that identify as DID or any future arrivals that may.
If in doubt, keep a safe distance & talk to someone you know well enough & trust.

I have gut feelings about a lot of men here on many levels that I listen closely to.
I may be stand offish as a result, but my safety & wellbeing is in my hands first & foremost.

C

_________________________
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::


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#263897 - 11/26/08 10:11 PM Re: Advisory: fraud on site [Re: ineffable]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Guys,

Here it is in a nutshell:

Originally Posted By: ineffable
I may be stand offish as a result, but my safety & wellbeing is in my hands first & foremost.

If you have any odd feelings or reservations about someone, report those to us; the safety of the site is one of the most important tasks we do here and your input is important.

And remember, as Craig comments here, that you are here first and foremost for YOURSELF. Every single one of us went through years of not mattering or not counting in someone else's scheme of things, or even in our own. Now's the time to change that.

One part of this is respecting your own alarm bells. Don't accuse anyone; most of the comments we get prove to lead nowhere, but hey, that's good! The input is still valuable for those cases where something gets scared out of the bushes.

But if you feel you need to stand back for awhile, just do so. No one can get along perfectly with everyone, after all. If you are triggered by someone and their issues, fine, keep your distance; you're not being rude. If something comes up in chat that bothers you and you feel you want to leave, do exactly that. And so on.

Larry, aka roadrunner
Site Administrator

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#263899 - 11/26/08 10:20 PM Re: Advisory: fraud on site [Re: ineffable]
Bewlayb1 Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 243
Loc: NYC
I hope that she was confronted delicately. A survivor is a survivor. Plus, she's only twenty-two and has DID. I agree that she doesn't belong on this website, for male survivors. Still, I've always had mixed feelings about excluding women. On one hand, many issues are unique to male survivors. On the other hand, the fundamental damage is the same. Both men and women experience alienation, PTSD, sexual confusion, discomfort with sex, etc.

I'm giving Sarah the benefit of the doubt that THIS story is true. I give everyone here the benefit of the doubt. I'm so distrustful outside of this site, I'd rather believe everyone and be occasionally disappointed than worry that I'm constantly being lied to.

I hope Sarah gets the help she needs. I don't feel particularly betrayed. I think we all have to remember to be compassionate.


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#263900 - 11/26/08 10:21 PM Re: Advisory: fraud on site [Re: Stretch73]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Originally Posted By: Stretch73
You have got to be fucking kidding me?

Actually, Rich, and for reasons that aren't entirely clear to me, the usual fraud on a male survivor site turns out to be a woman in her 20s-30s Sometimes she's in emotional distress herself, or is working on some kind of project, or has a lot of time on her hands or a job that gives her unrestricted or unsupervised access to the Internet.

Larry, aka roadrunner
Site Administrator

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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