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#263882 - 11/26/08 08:43 PM ...
St3v3n Offline


Registered: 11/26/08
Posts: 102
...


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#263922 - 11/26/08 11:35 PM Re: So damn vulnerable [Re: St3v3n]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 858
Loc: washington
cool



Edited by 1islandboy (11/26/08 11:50 PM)
Edit Reason: accidental double posting
_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#263925 - 11/26/08 11:41 PM Re: So damn vulnerable [Re: St3v3n]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 858
Loc: washington
St3v3n,

First I would like to welcome you to MS.

2.5 yrs with a T sounds like you're headed the right direction.

As far as the puzzle (with missing pieces and progress are concerned) I have found reading (above all else)has helped me first to identify what I was even dealing with...(I was lost in the oblivion of drugs and alcohol).

Victims no longer/Speaking our truth/ and Beyond betrayal are just a few of my favorites.

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#263932 - 11/27/08 12:40 AM ... [Re: 1islandboy]
St3v3n Offline


Registered: 11/26/08
Posts: 102
...


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#264042 - 11/27/08 01:16 PM Re: So damn vulnerable [Re: St3v3n]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 858
Loc: washington
St3v3n,

Personally,I wouldn't worry about perfect grammer, some of us like myself, are far removed from perfect english, and are quite prone to slang, and throwing in commas, with reckless abandon. (When I came to this site I couldn't even type).

Reading books helped me break through the shame and get me in touch with other trust issuse...

...It was like the author who wrote these books understands and relates to my issues.

I started to feel a much better sense of progress while working with my T. (having read this information first).


island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#264315 - 11/29/08 12:21 PM Re: So damn vulnerable [Re: 1islandboy]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
St3v3n,

Welcome to MaleSurvivor. I'm sorry to hear about your abuse history but you've come to the right place. You'll find great resources and information online as well as others how have had similar experiences and aftermath. You aren't alone.

So glad you like your therapist, that's so important to recovery!

I know of another gay MaleSurvivor member in The Netherlands... Niels.

What I've found is for recovery, don't worry about your sexuality or sexual preferences. It is more important to heal your inner child and sort the abuse issues out first, and then see where your sexuality lies. As children, you can be trained to respond sexually to about anything, even objects, but that doesn't necessarily make that your sexual preference. Sometimes sorting out the past will reveal more about the present.

Glad you found us!

Peace and love,

Michael


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#264362 - 11/29/08 04:12 PM Re: So damn vulnerable [Re: M3]
Niels Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/07/05
Posts: 196
Yes welcome to MS. I hope you will find some good allies in your recovery process here.





Edited by Niels (12/10/08 07:59 AM)
Edit Reason: privacy-trust issues-post deleted
_________________________
I live in my own little world - but that is OK! - They know me here.

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#264370 - 11/29/08 04:39 PM Re: So damn vulnerable [Re: St3v3n]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
First let me join my voice to those of all the other guys and wish a warm welcome to MS. I hope that you too, as so many of us have, will find yourself at home here.
Originally Posted By: St3v3n
I started getting serious panic attacks when i was about 18 and began drinking because of it, i'd only dare to go out after a few beers.Ofcourse i needed more and more up untill it started to have a reverse effect and drinking triggered the panic attacks, luckily it did and i haven't had a drink in over 3 years now.
But going out is still very much a problem and public transportation is practicly impossible for me and crowded shopping malls and music venues are also very difficult.

I just wanted to pick up on what you said above. I'm a little surprised that you don't mention having been diagnosed by your therapist as having SPD (Social Phobia Disorder).

Please don't misunderstand me, OK? I am NOT a doctor. I am however a sufferrer of SPD and I think I know the symptoms when I hear them described. If, and I say if, you have a form SPD, it is treatable. My recommendation is to go to celexa.com and read what the site has to say about the condition.

You will either recognise yourself or you won't. But if you do, then that can open up a whole new avenue of healing and wellness for you.

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#264371 - 11/29/08 04:42 PM Re: So damn vulnerable [Re: St3v3n]
wes-b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 438
Loc: Western, Canada

Welcome my brother Steven,

you have made a wonderful decision in joining MS. As I hope you see in these replies. This place is full of love and support,
Originally Posted By: St3v3n
but this is all very vague, don't know if this makes any sense to any of you but it's like having a only a few pieces of a 5000 piece puzzle.St3v3n

Steven... that makes a lot of sense my friend. I am certain that you and I are not the only ones who feel a sense of vagueness about some or all of our abuse history. Part of it, IMHO, stems from wanting it not to be true and minimizing... I still want it to be a bad dream and when I wake up it's gone and never happened...

Stick around and pick up that which is helpful and leave that which is not... BTW, some of the stuff I don't want to pick up keeps getting put in front of me, my God knows what I need and when I listen he helps me pick up all of the things that I need.

:-)

Love,

Your Brother in healing, Wes

_________________________
Happy to be a recovering survivor. :-)

Continuing to meet more of my fellows as I "Trudge the Road of Happy Destiny".

My Story, 1st pass

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#264403 - 11/29/08 08:05 PM ... [Re: wes-b]
St3v3n Offline


Registered: 11/26/08
Posts: 102
...


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#264566 - 12/01/08 12:25 AM Re: So damn vulnerable [Re: St3v3n]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Stephan,

Glad you are here and making friends here. There are a lot of really great guys.

Sorry Niels for confusing Holland and The Netherlands... that's what I get for posting early in the morning and sleep deprived! LOL blush

Originally Posted By: Stephan
But i’m sure you all know just how hard it is to stop repeating the negative things that have been said and done by our perps, and when i see myself reacting in the same way my parents did i find it extremely difficult to be nice to myself.

Yeah, I think we've all been here. This takes lots of work and there are lots of strategies for getting there. You just have to find the right strategies, the ones you feel comfortable with, and follow through.

Peace and love Stephan!

Michael


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#264590 - 12/01/08 03:39 AM Re: So damn vulnerable [Re: St3v3n]
petercorbett Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2433
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, St3v3n, Let me welcome you aboard too, as you can see you have a lot of company. But St3v3n, you are in the right place, at the right time, with the right people. True friends and brothers in healing. We here have opened up our very souls to each other, here I am HOME, and here you will get compasion, understanding and love. We all might not always agree on what we post for answers in TRYING to help each other out. But I sure need each and everyone of them in helping me. I'm 69 yrs old, those memories have just resurfaced a few months ago. So here you can vent your innermost part of your soul, and you will get understanding, compassion and love, from TRUE FRIENDS and BROTHERS, please consider me as one of them. Heal well.
Pete (Irishmoose)

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#264642 - 12/01/08 01:23 PM ... [Re: petercorbett]
St3v3n Offline


Registered: 11/26/08
Posts: 102
...


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#264923 - 12/02/08 08:13 PM Re: So damn vulnerable [Re: St3v3n]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Take care Stephan!

Peace and love...

Michael


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#265263 - 12/04/08 07:03 PM Re: So damn vulnerable [Re: St3v3n]
MichaeldR Offline


Registered: 12/02/08
Posts: 36
Loc: South Carolina
Hi, Steven:

I really identified with your experiences with your parents. My parents were much the same way. I also am agoraphobic, and although I can play in from of a stadium or concert hall filled to the rafters, if I have to AMONG those people I freak out!

thanks so much for sharing!

_________________________
Mike

My mantras:

Easy Does I - - - - - - Là où il y a la vie il y a l'espoir.
One Day At A Time - - - Là où il y a l'espoir: la vie.
First Things First- - - Where there's life there's hope.
LIVE and Let Live - - - Where there is hope: life.

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#265391 - 12/05/08 10:56 AM ... [Re: MichaeldR]
St3v3n Offline


Registered: 11/26/08
Posts: 102
...


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