It's been awhile since I've been here...just popped in to say "Hi"...
Aside from a couple of emotionally charged emails several months ago, I've effectively broken all contact with my SO.
I've recently gotten involved with a new guy and I found myself experiencing alot of things I feel might be interesting to partners that are considering leaving a partner they've been with for many years.
It's difficult.
I've always accepted the fact that the relationship I'd spent the majority of my life in was a little "left of center" when it came to "normal" by definition. I just never realized, in the throws of it, how far away it actually was....
It's been difficult for me to trust again. It's been difficult to believe what I'm hearing. I find myself forever waiting for the other shoe to fall. Earlier tonight, I put off having sex with him, yet again, and I can't even identify a good reason.
I sound like a survivor, and I'm not. But I was in a 30 year relationship with one.
Maybe this is all happening too soon. I wasn't really looking to get into anything for awhile. This just presented itself, we started hanging out, started going for coffee, talking... He's so open...it just happened. It's SO nice, I'm actually afraid of it.

Always,
Liv

Liv,

Put and E on the end of your name and what's that spell? Live or live....

best of luck to you moving forward, slow and steady wins the race.

always,
Kelly

Liv,

I can only imagine how difficult it must be to trust again, to wait for the other shoe to drop, to recognize how affected one has become by the years of trying to love a CSA survivor. The fact is, there are men out there without a history of CSA who may still hurt, reject and betray you, so you must always trust your instincts and not go where it doesn't feel right.

At the same time, I believe there are good men out there who want to love and be loved by a good woman: you!

Be free... Start fresh. Give the new guy the benefit of the doubt. If he doesn't deserve you, move on. Again. You've survived worse.

Remember you may find joy. Do it for those of us who are still struggling to make our relationships with our survivors work.

Don't look back too much. Otherwise the abusers win all over again.