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#263709 - 11/25/08 09:41 AM REALLY confused
ceegee Offline


Registered: 11/14/08
Posts: 21
Loc: WV, USA
So many thoughts have been racing through my head since I began recovering "memories" of my abuse. I put quotes because I am not sure anymore.
I have been always sure I was heterosexual. I have had homo-erotic dreams a couple of times. Each time, I was performing oral sex on a guy. A few times I had gay fantasies, but I quickly pushed them out of my head. I never was attracted to any man I met. My wife accused me of being homosexual since I stopped wanting sex with her and I vehemently denied it.
However, recently since these "memories" have come back I've been having thoughts of sex with men. Here's my dilemma. Did my recovered memories of abuse draw out my bisexual tendencies, or are my "memories" of abuse just a homosexual fantasy. Considering the fact that I never felt anger over my abuse makes me wonder if it happened. The only emotion I felt when thinking of the abuse was fear and guilt. Also, I am pretty sure I am not homosexual because I know what a woman with a sexy body and nice legs does to me.
I really need help with this one guys.



Edited by ceegee (11/25/08 09:58 AM)
_________________________
Sometimes we need to pause in our pursuit of happiness, and just BE happy- Author unknown

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#263713 - 11/25/08 10:24 AM Re: REALLY confused [Re: ceegee]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
ceegee,
Heterosexual men who HAVE NOT been sexually abused in their youth will have the occasional homo-erotic dream. While these dreams may be disturbing, may cause a guy to doubt or question his sexual orientation, these dreams are a very common occurence to a great number of men.

In and of themselves these dreams are nothing to be alarmed about. Too often men focus on the imagery of the dream as opposed to exploring it's significance. The dream is a picture, nothing more. Describe the picture, what do you see and then interpret the meaning as it pertains to the emotional and psychological you - not the sexual you. The dream is not about sex!!! You can PM me if you wish.

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#263716 - 11/25/08 10:52 AM Re: REALLY confused [Re: ceegee]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
cg, don't know if you have discovered it yet, but we have a forum with threads that address this particular issue. you can check it out: questioning sexual identity forum
also, finding this website and participating initiates a sequence of events akin to opening pandora's box, so be prepared. but take it slowly. you came here not by accident. that which brought you to this place will see you through to the end step by step.
it is often suggested that partners of those in recovery join here as a separate person, as they too have been know to receive some benefits from participating. in the event that you are concerned about her seeing your posts, you can join as a financially supporting member which would enable you acess to the private portion of the website where only those who have paid dues can contribute. if that does not appeal to you or her, then there are other webs out there that where she could possibly find a good base of support such as after silence.

also, hopefully male survivor will serve as a springboard for developing a broad base of support, this website being only one aspect of a pre>
_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#263738 - 11/25/08 06:08 PM Re: REALLY confused [Re: Sans Logos]
siranthonysghost Offline


Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 24
Loc: Hawaii
Ceegee,

I understand your feelings only too well. I too have had to honestly ask myself how I feel about members of the same sex when it comes to attraction. I was abused by two older men as a child and so I would find myself trying to recreate that scenario in my more self-destructive times. I also found that straight porn made me a bit uncomfortable and gay porn was the more arousing of the two, was this because i was gay? (I cannot stress enough the importance of avoiding pornography while trying to heal from CSA issues if not altogether, it only holds you back!) or was it because this was my first sexual encounter was like and I am seeking to re-live it? I think what really helped me to understand and find my own answer was asking myself if (despite the stigmas of society or family) could i have a happy, healthy and loving relationship with another man? While many men find that this is truly what they want, the answer for me was no. I simply could not see myself being truly happy in that scenario. I put aside my own fears of what actually being gay would mean and took a long and sincere look inside myself. I still have homo erotic dreams as well, I probably always will. But it is important to realize why we have these dreams and why we act out the way we do. Only you can answer this question for yourself, but if you are seeing a therapist, this would be a great topic to bring up at a session.

Good luck my friend.

-mike





Edited by siranthonysghost (11/25/08 06:09 PM)

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#263739 - 11/25/08 06:09 PM Re: REALLY confused [Re: Sans Logos]
Dusty Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/15/08
Posts: 280
Loc: Australia
Ceegee
I f your “memories” are recent give them time and value. I remembered all my life and still had to have them validated by my abusers. Also if they are recent you may be in a selfish place and your wife may be asking more for reassurance that you still love her, not nessarly asking for sex.
We are all sexual beings, we all have fantasies and if I lived up to some I’ve had I would be a real tortured soul.
Re the gay thing I have never questioned that in my heart even though I was married for 19 years and wanted more sex from her than she was prepared to give. My advice is to follow your heart, don’t do anything risky and try taking some time out of your pain to show some love to your wife each day.
Dusty


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#263740 - 11/25/08 06:12 PM Re: REALLY confused [Re: Dusty Boy]
Dusty Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/15/08
Posts: 280
Loc: Australia
Ceegee
when i saw my post i realised that I ment Re the gay thing I'm gay and never------
dusty


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#265015 - 12/03/08 10:12 AM Re: REALLY confused [Re: siranthonysghost]
ceegee Offline


Registered: 11/14/08
Posts: 21
Loc: WV, USA
I have never felt affection for another man. I cannot imagine having a loving relationship with a man. I look at men on the street and feel nothing. Those times I fantasized about sex with a man, he was always faceless, anonymous. Perhaps that is how I saw my abuser as the abuse happened.

_________________________
Sometimes we need to pause in our pursuit of happiness, and just BE happy- Author unknown

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