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#263587 - 11/24/08 01:36 PM Re: 8-Year-Old Arizona Boy Kills Father: Abuse?? [Re: onlyakid]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3389
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Quote:
‘what happens in this house stays in this house.’
WOW - that hit me upside the head like a 2x4 - I cannot even begin to count the number of times i heard that line in the house I grew up in (and - yes - I was abused in that house while growing up) - NO ONE says a line like that to a kid unless they DON'T want the kid to tell others of the things that are going on inside the house...

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

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#263608 - 11/24/08 03:21 PM Re: 8-Year-Old Arizona Boy Kills Father: Abuse?? [Re: TJ jeff]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1238
Loc: NY
yeah, I was told those EXACT words growing up.

I once told the school nurse how I got the bruises on my body and I didn't know that she was taking notes. Later that night, I received hell from my dad because the school nurse called him and said she had my verbal statements written down. He told me that social services was going to come and brake up the family and said that I had to take it all back. So the next day I went to school and as soon as I arrived, the nurse and another lady were there waiting for me and I recanted everything that I had said the day before about my brother beating me unconscious and laying on top of me putting his hand over my mouth and pinching my nose shut, while at the same time, sitting on my chest with his knees covering my arms so that I was unable to move of fight him off of me (true) and that I made it all up. That was his favorite position, BTW.
They knew that i was lying. It was obvious since I could not look them in the eye. They said that nothing would happen to my family and that I would be safe, but I knew that wasn't true either.
They let me go that day, but for the next couple weeks the principle would call me into his office and the nurse and that lady would be there and they would ask me all sorts of questions, it made me so nervous. At that point I did not trust them at all and was pretty sure they were doing this for their own agenda, so I acted like a piece of stone and looked them in the eyes while lying and say that nothing was going on at home.

But they asked me why I had said it in the first place. The truth was that I was anxiety stricken and to the fullest meaning of the word exhausted, I had not slept for a lot of days, so i just told the nurse that first time in a very casual, monotone way, and when she would ask a question I did not hesitate to answer because I was just so tired.
I later told them that I was angry at my parents and just wanted attention-my dad told me to say just that and so I did and eventually they stopped checking in with me.

The strange thing is that the physical abuse from my brother stopped for a while, for like atleast a month and my parents really paid attention and did not allow him to abuse me or the dog. But, eventually things went back to the way they were, and was not shocked in the least, I expected things to go back to the way they were sooner than that. At least it stopped for a little while, but it really did not matter because I was always expecting it anyway. at that point I accepted the way my life was. Kinda sad.

Later on in my early twenties, I guess a few years ago, when i was a Paramedic, I remember seeing kids in some of the homes that I was called to that were obviously being physical abused, I think because it happened to me I could pick it up, but I never had an axe to grind. I would call social services and report objectively what I witnessed: obvious signs: bilateral burns, cigarette burns, the kid acting very silent around the care taker and the care taker acting very clingy around the child, wanting to stay in VERY close proximity, but the child just looking sad and alone, stories about injuries that could not possibly explain the injuries. As a Paramedic, one is trained that it is their judgement call to report what they see, they don't have to. I always figured that it was a good idea to call, because who knows how many time another EMS worker was called to that particular house with similar complaints.--Maybe my call would be the 5th call that they would receive in a 6 month period and they would actually check out the case. I was always trying to avoid witch-hunts, but alot of the homes that I was called to were group or foster homes!

Sorry, I will shut up now, I did not want to hijack this post

Logan



Edited by Logan (11/24/08 03:42 PM)
_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#263614 - 11/24/08 04:06 PM Re: 8-Year-Old Arizona Boy Kills Father: Abuse?? [Re: TJ jeff]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2469
Loc: UK
Originally Posted By: TJ jeff
Quote:
‘what happens in this house stays in this house.’
WOW - that hit me upside the head like a 2x4 - I cannot even begin to count the number of times i heard that line in the house I grew up in (and - yes - I was abused in that house while growing up) - NO ONE says a line like that to a kid unless they DON'T want the kid to tell others of the things that are going on inside the house...


Actually those are the exact same words that would be used in my house too, but i assumed that is what all parents say to their kids, isn't that what everybody says? i've always thought that's just what everybody says, am i wrong?

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#263622 - 11/24/08 04:27 PM Re: 8-Year-Old Arizona Boy Kills Father: Abuse?? [Re: king tut]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1238
Loc: NY
I know that if I have a family of my own, I will not say that, i will try to have good communication with every member of of the house and make sure that everybody can express them selves so they get the support that they need, I don't think one needs to hit kids to discipline them. i believe the purpose or a punishment is to teach a kid and change bad behaviors, and not to hurt them of be spiteful towards them.

Lewis, in some sense of the statement, i think a functional family can exist with first trying to solve problems in the household without spreading ones dirty laundry all over town, but at the same time, one must be aware that the problem is the dirty laundry it self and that it must be taken care of for the sake and stability of the family, for if it is allowed to fester, than one is not adequitly dealing with it and the family is no longer Functional. I hope that made sense. One statement that I can say for sure is that secrets and silence causes lots of pain down the road.

logan



Edited by Logan (11/24/08 04:28 PM)
_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#263677 - 11/24/08 11:19 PM Re: 8-Year-Old Arizona Boy Kills Father: Abuse?? [Re: Logan]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
I saw the workup of this on ABC's Nightline. They had videos of the interview of the boy. He is not big. He is not tough. He is not aggressive. He probably couldn't even handle a gun. He was easy to manipulate in the interview. He is being framed.

Allen = pufferfish whistle


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#263887 - 11/26/08 09:14 PM Re: 8-Year-Old Arizona Boy Kills Father: Abuse?? [Re: pufferfish]
jacobtk Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/08/03
Posts: 527
The prosecutors released more information about their investigation:

Quote:
An 8-year-old St. Johns boy charged with double-homicide may have kept a written record of spankings by his parents, vowing that the 1,000th would be his limit, according to a police records released Friday.

A search affidavit by Sgt. Lucas Rodriguez says the child "is believed to have made ledgers and or communicated in the form of writings about his intentions. (The boy) told a CPS . . . worker that when he reached one thousand spankings . . . that would be his limit. (The boy) kept a tally of his spankings on a piece of paper."


The boy's grandparents claimed that they weren't surprised that the boy was accused. They seemed to think that the boy was being mistreated or abused.

_________________________
Every day I die again, and again I’m reborn/Every day I have to find the courage/To walk out into the street/With arms out/Got a love you can’t defeat/Neither down nor out/There’s nothing you have that I need/I can breathe/Breathe now - U2

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#264094 - 11/27/08 09:24 PM Re: 8-Year-Old Arizona Boy Kills Father: Abuse?? [Re: jacobtk]
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
1,000 spankings? Assuming this kid was counting since he learned to write, and that he learned to write around age 6, that makes more than nine spankings a WEEK. I didn't like when my father spanked me (he used a belt); but jaysus, even HE only did it once every three or four weeks! What the motherf*ck?

_________________________
Children cannot consent; they can only comply.

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#264105 - 11/27/08 10:12 PM Re: 8-Year-Old Arizona Boy Kills Father: Abuse?? [Re: melliferal]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3389
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
I really feel for the boy - I don't know exactly how he figured his numbers - maybe he estimated a few years - or maybe he counted every single time he was hit in any way - but... - I do know from firsthand experience just how bad it tears you down inside to reach 1,000+ spankings - and yes, sometimes i did indeed get multiple spankings in 1 day...

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#276079 - 02/19/09 04:41 PM Re: 8-Year-Old Arizona Boy Kills Father: Abuse?? [Re: TJ jeff]
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
Just an update:

The kid has pleaded guilty to a single lesser charge, as part of a deal to avoid the two murder charges. Apparently he won't be going to jail, either.

_________________________
Children cannot consent; they can only comply.

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#276084 - 02/19/09 05:03 PM Re: 8-Year-Old Arizona Boy Kills Father: Abuse?? [Re: melliferal]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca


Hopefully they will provide help so this boy can come to terms with all that has happened to him.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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