My CSA wasn't isolated to a single place, so when I went to deal with it I went to a place in my mind.
I had a person let's call her a coordinator who was in a room where I was linked via a projection apparatus to a phychiatrist on the mainland. (pretty cool technically).
As a result of this meeting, this coordinator pulled a whole bunch of stuff off the web, including a newsletter from this website. I labeled this stuff, in the manilla envelope as Pandoras Box. (No computer at this time, which led me to being invisible here on my AA sponsors house/computer).
So, when I opened up Pandoras box after reading a couple of top notch CSA books I thought I was ready,but I was beyond overwhelmed. I called my sponsor and told him my situation and that, I CANNOT BE ALONE. and went over to his house that night.
Same situation at a later time, alone again in my house,I opened Pandoras Box.The pain sucked RRREEEAAALLLLLLYYY BBBAAADDD. I felt isolated and truly alone.
I am a rock, I am an island, and this suckes soooo baaaad. I felt the pain, then I embraced it.
I skated on the thin ice, next to the lunatic fridge of the radiant abyss. This led to a rallying point. Who is going to save your soul?
Beyond triggering and absolutely cathartic as contamination (be it painfull) must be removed to avoid infection and allow healing...!!!
Big Boys Don't Cry (Extreme) and Real DOGS Don't BARK.
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez