Newest Members
Anony_mous, Drew6991x, Miro, jj843, The Abyss
12364 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Bear (42), BoyNoMore (56), Daniel_05 (40), James Landrith (44), john kay (41)
Who's Online
0 registered (), 23 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12364 Members
74 Forums
63541 Topics
443949 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#263169 - 11/22/08 02:53 PM Sex Offender - Did I Support Him or The Law?
Stretch73 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/27/08
Posts: 336
Loc: Sea Isle City, NJ
About six months back, a registered sex offender was moving into the next town south of mine. Prior to the man and his family moving into their home, there was a daily ritual of protests, involving residents from that town, my town, and other towns in the surrounding area to elimate the possibilty of this man and his family moving there. The house was even grafittied, windows were broken, the driveway spray painted "Peto" across it. (Yes, Peto, not pedo)

Several town meetings were scheduled and both members of the police department and administrative and elected officials were present to hear complaints, worries, and much anger. I sat through the entire thing and I didn't even say a God damn word. Eventually, I could not stay silent. My Mayor asked me what I thought. I told him, "Nobody here wants to hear what I have to say. They won't like it very much." After being assured that I could say what was on my mind, and knowing well and true what he said is completely false, I let go with it anyway. This is close to what I said:

"The man did something very wrong. I agree with that. However, he spent time in prison, and according to the record, he has sought help and is currently in therapy for his desires. I cannot support any witch hunt. I believe in the law and I believe the law is working right now."

With the above statement, a finger was pointed at me by a man I've known my entire life and his words were, "Well you must be one of them if you talk like that." I replied, "No, I'm not. I just believe that if we want the law to work for you and I, then we must give it a chance to work for everyone. If we don't, then it works for no one." (I've actually babysat his grandchildren, and I have been and still remain abundantly offended by his comments. But usually, everyone leaves angry town hall meetings with some sort of regret and feeling offended.)

Look, the deal is, I cannot support anything like that. I do not agree with what this man did. He did at least force himself upon and molest a child, as his offense according to the record was "aggravated sexual assault upon a minor under the age of 12." The offense disgusts me, and I have no idea how someone can be attracted to a child. The thought is unfathomable to me. But I must let the law work!

I feel more sorry for his wife and children. Certainly his wife knows and understands, but his children, as I know are very small, may not have any idea as to what has transpired and why the people in their own new neighborhood are threatening them, and defacing their home and property. I feel really, really bad for them, and I don't understand why anyone would do such a thing, knwoing this man has children and they might be traumatized by this. That is an act of abuse in itself!

Now as I lay here, as I have been for over two weeks, recuperating from my back surgery and just thinking about things, I cannot get this off my mind. Maybe some of you will think I should've picked up one of those protest signs and stand in front of this man's house, or at least written a letter to my congressman. I have a child of my own, surely I should be angry, you might think? I am angry. That's not the point. Do you know what is?

I believe in God. I believe He has a plan for all of us; the guilty also.

Last night, the man who called me out and disagreed with me at the meeting stopped by my house, because his wife had died on Wednesday from Cancer. He handed me a note and left. I opened it and it reads the following; "There's not need for you to attend the funeral, as you are obviously incapacitated due to your surgery, and besides, I'd rather not have a "peto" supporter there." Funny, how easy it is to discover what people are all about in just a few simple words. smile

I want to hear what you think. Did I do the right thing? Am I a good man? Or should I have joined the crowd?

Rich

_________________________
"I was so poor growing up, that if I wasn't born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with." Rodney Dangerfield

Top
#263177 - 11/22/08 03:18 PM Re: Sex Offender - Did I Support Him or The Law? [Re: Stretch73]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone...."

I think the bigger picture here is this man's familly, all of whom are innocent and are being victimized by a witch hunt.

I wonder what deep dark sexual secrets and perversions some of our Good cirizens keep under wraps and if, in part at least, it is due to a subconcious fear of being exposed that make some of them so zealous in their condemnation of others.

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

Top
#263185 - 11/22/08 03:35 PM Re: Sex Offender - Did I Support Him or The Law? [Re: joelRT]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5778
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Rich:
I wonder if they would have responded to you that way if they knew your victimization history. Maybe some would assume that being victimized, you were either a closet abuser or might become one.

Mob psychology is not pretty. You are correct in your conclusions and I applaud your courage to stand up for what you believe.


Top
#263215 - 11/22/08 05:40 PM Re: Sex Offender - Did I Support Him or The Law? [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
There are no easy answers in this case. But, yes, I totally agree with your decision Rich %100. The law, is the law, and it either deserves respect or does not. And do all laws deserve respect? No, obviously not, so by which criteria do we judge as to whether or not a law is just? I wish I could claim that I knew how define such a criteria without making everyone's eyes glaze over,.........but I'll do a little exploring on this issue.

What's REALLY muddling the moral argument here is this guy's wife and kids that are still with him. Does she believe he's innocent? Does she feel that the charges leveled against him were overzealous or unjustified? If not, then WHY did she choose to stay with him? Some crimes against people can't be automatically forgiven just because you "love" someone, which apparently, the mother of this man convicted of this crime has done. Her choosing to stay with a man who was convicted of such a crime must be either desperate for the income that this man can bring in or that she feels that what he did wasn't really that bad and that he isn't a threat to their children, or SOMETHING. Anyway, my point is, it's not just about him when innocent people are clinging to him to provide a household for them.

Something about this story isn't quite right to me. Why is this man's wife and mother of his children still with him after being convicted of such a crime? Certainly, by now, she must be aware of all the social ramifications and stigma that go along with living with someone such as this, for her, and their children.


Top
#263267 - 11/22/08 08:49 PM Re: Sex Offender - Did I Support Him or The Law? [Re: Hauser]
Stretch73 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/27/08
Posts: 336
Loc: Sea Isle City, NJ
Hauser,

You'll get no argument from me on why a woman would keep herself and her children in that position. (I did intend to mention it in my post, but I forgot as I had so many things going through my mind at the time. Only after I re-read it, did I realize I didn't mention that.)

When I was a kid, there was a man in my neighborhood who was also accused of such a crime and he was sent to prison. What he did and for how long is unknown to me, but I was always aware that he was a child molestor. Later on in life, in my mid-20s, I actually coached his son in Little League Baseball, who at the time was only 10 or 11.

I don't know why spouses bring themselves and their children back into an environment such as that one, and I cannot even figure out why the law always someone to re-enter their old lives where small children are present. Some things, I suppose, to be explained to me like I, myself, am a small child.

Either way, I cannot judge this man but only his crime. It's not my right to throw down the gavel again, and again, and again, until I see it fit that he live amongst the rest of us. A judge already did that.

Let me ask you this, and I am taking no sides here, so please don't take that as my intention... If a man murders another man, and is sentenced to prison for 30 years, released back into society with the true feeling of remorse for what he had done, does he deserve to live among people? He murdered a person. Why should he be placed back into the same environment, close to people that he could kill, because his history claims he has the done it before?

I can be judgmental on a lot of issues, but I believe today, as I always have, people deserve second chances!

Rich

_________________________
"I was so poor growing up, that if I wasn't born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with." Rodney Dangerfield

Top
#263270 - 11/22/08 08:54 PM Re: Sex Offender - Did I Support Him or The Law? [Re: Stretch73]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
As I sit here pondering this post my thoughts run toward looking at it metaphorically about myself. Do I want to support the fight against evil or the work of my own healing and peace?

I know the black and white thing is old, but....

The fight against evil needs a black and white world in which I must be all white so that I can feel completely un-hypocritical in my condemnation of those I call evil and those I call evil must be completely black so that I can fight the black with full ferocity without worrying about what good there might be being destroyed along with the evil.

But since the world appears to have so much bad all over the good and so much good all tangled up with the bad, and all of it all tangled up into one big yin yang, I think taking up the sword of righteousness that I don't have and fighting beings of pure evil that don't exist might not be the better idea.

You chose tolerance over hatred. Does that mean you support child molesters? No. It just means you aren't color blind.
Just realize that not being color blind often gets you painted black by those who can't handle colors.

That's my Taoist two cents.



_________________________
My Story
My Art

Top
#263272 - 11/22/08 08:57 PM Re: Sex Offender - Did I Support Him or The Law? [Re: blueshift]
Stretch73 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/27/08
Posts: 336
Loc: Sea Isle City, NJ
Yeah, but you know what Blueshift, I've never really given a shit what people think about me, because at the end of the day, what people say and think really doesn't mean a hell of a whole lot to myself or my family.

Rich

_________________________
"I was so poor growing up, that if I wasn't born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with." Rodney Dangerfield

Top
#263275 - 11/22/08 09:13 PM Re: Sex Offender - Did I Support Him or The Law? [Re: blueshift]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
BTW, just a probably needed clarification here; by you supporting tolerance over hatred I was not saying that you support tolerance of child abuse but that, to the extent that you are supporting this person having a chance to live and even possibly do some good in the world rather than have him just shut up in a concrete hole his whole life or lynched or stoned to death, as the angry mob might prefer, to that extent you supported tolerance.

There is a place for intolerance and there is a place for anger too, and even hatred..but these are all processes of nature and
all processes of nature are transitory occurrences. When we try to make them permanent fixtures, that's when we are fighting nature and ourselves.

Anger is natural but so is forgiveness I believe. Whether that forgiveness is deserved or not makes no difference. Forgiveness heals while hanging on to hatred as a virtue to be cultivated just makes mean angry people.



_________________________
My Story
My Art

Top
#263277 - 11/22/08 09:17 PM Re: Sex Offender - Did I Support Him or The Law? [Re: Stretch73]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Originally Posted By: Stretch73
Yeah, but you know what Blueshift, I've never really given a shit what people think about me, because at the end of the day, what people say and think really doesn't mean a hell of a whole lot to myself or my family.

Rich


Funny how even without disagreeing with me you still gotta make it sound like you do. lol That's OK. I still loves ya.



_________________________
My Story
My Art

Top
#263556 - 11/24/08 01:05 AM Re: Sex Offender - Did I Support Him or The Law? [Re: Stretch73]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Originally Posted By: Stretch73
I cannot even figure out why the law always someone to re-enter their old lives where small children are present. Some things, I suppose, to be explained to me like I, myself, am a small child.


Because I hope in America we bring in people for crimes they actually commit -- not ones we think they will make in the future and/or ones we profile them to make.

As for why the wife stays: I don't know how long they've been together and I don't know the details of the case, but there could be a lot of reasons why she's chosen to stay. If they've been married for decades, I can't imagine it's an easy decision to just dump him, even if he's made a huge error. For the kid's sake maybe she should, but then again maybe his victim was 17 and the kid is 3 -- not that a teen is less of a victim, but maybe younger kids aren't as big of a risk to him. Maybe he recieved a lot of treatment in prison and outside of prison and she feels he has better boundaries now? Maybe he was arrested for CP not actual molestation?

Without knowing any details it's hard to say, but I doubt it's a decision she made lightly. Fact is, a lot can change in the 20 years to life one is registered.

It's a big deal to rip a kid away from their father, even if he was in prison, even if he's a pedophile. Who's to say the effects of that wouldn't be as bad as living with stigmas? I don't know...it's a confusing issue.

What I don't get is how it's legal to stand outside of someone's house every day in a huge mob -- pitchforks and all -- protesting. If it were any other criminal but a sex offender, I don't think that would've gone down. Surely the police knew it would cause trouble and violence, and I bet they looked the other way to it. But everyone's got their moral authority on, I guess, and so they feel justified. *shrug*

Perps AND these people scared me...

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

Top
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.