Im starting to feel like my perp was the right one like he has to be doin something right for he is married and has kids and im struggling to get by I start to feel like hes doing something right and Im the wrong person.
It's just amazing how in this culture that worships material/socioeconomic success as the worth of a person has a victim of child abuse feeling inferior to his abuser.
I have not and hopefully never will have any knowledge of any of my perps as far as what/how they are currently doing, but if I were to find out that any of my abusers are now living in posh circumstances, I'm sure I would feel like that too-- with me living on top ramen the last week of every month.
One of the things I have worked on is freeing myself from the mindset my culture has conditioned me to have about materially well off people being automatically superior to me.
It's taken a lot of work but I have made progress.
It makes me smile sometimes to think of a couple times when I totally threw someone into cognitive dissonance by not showing any sign whatever of being impressed by their wealth.
Of course, once their bragging gets all but completely ignored, they then resort to trying to turn the spotlight on my failures instead..asking things like..."So what are you doing with your life?" or some such question.
I say "Living." And they start working on getting the conversation around to how much money I
make, and that's about the time I just start just getting plain hostile.
Them: "So ...your an artist. ...You make pretty good money doing that?"
Me: "So....how many times to I have to flush to make you go away?"
I don't have a problem with people having money, but the ones who have that need to fixate on it as proof of their superiority get on my nerves real fast!
I suppose that's part of the reason I don't have affluent friends...so few seem to be able to get over themselves.
But what that shows me is that having stuff must really not be all that gr8! I mean I'm sure it's nice in a lot of ways, but if people who have all that still feel so insecure that they have a compulsive need to lord it over those less comfortable, and constantly remind everyone how successful they are, then they clearly still have serious problems.
What I have, if I'm not currently using it in some way, just sits there but what I am is always in my face and I wud much rather be working on that than the nice shiny stuff that sits there and maybe impresses those who are duped by the consumerist definition of success.