Newest Members
lilac, The Wife Of, smusab, whiteflag, North101
12287 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
cards (33), korbin2003 (39), Rosemary (53), Zebra (47)
Who's Online
1 registered (1 invisible), 30 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12287 Members
73 Forums
63212 Topics
442011 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#262408 - 11/18/08 02:12 AM .
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
.


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 06:48 PM)

Top
#262416 - 11/18/08 02:47 AM Re: overcoming the feeling of powerlessness... [Re: bardo213]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Eye-contact and body language are both important forms of communication. You can talk tough, but if you look at the floor and present a lack of confidence in your posturing, a lot of more-confident guys will be able to smell that one out. The "freezing-up" may be a form of self-protection too, especially when around much stronger, masculine men. And there are people that are not only both masculine and confident but who also are really good with words. How are you doing with working on your self-esteem issues, hence your confidence issues?

Don't beat yourself up, my man. Keep on working on your self-esteem and your eye-contact, and any problems with posturing and confidence will follow progress on self-esteem. Part of this is just aging, and part of this is the unresolved side-effects of what was done to you. Wait until you get up in age and then you have to struggle to hang-on to what you have in the face of the competition from the younger and now stronger bucks!

Brother from another mother? Isn't that a step-brother?

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



Top
#262470 - 11/18/08 12:37 PM Re: overcoming the feeling of powerlessness... [Re: Trucker51]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 858
Loc: washington
Hello Brother from another mother,

Not a step, it's an emotional thing...!!!

I'm down like soil...!!! (Can you dig it...???)

I totally suck in the verbage department, but I must say there is a lot of power in laser beam eye contact and saying nothing at all. (A great way to keep them guessing).

Always stand up, when given the opportunity and square up your body with your opponent.

Speed often beats power...!!!

Keep your legs spread at a comfortable distance as you draw power and traction from the ground. (Legs together,easy tip over).

It's not cowardice to retreat or evade as it is a game of angles (never expose your back while doing this) and ALWAYS re-square.

If your hair is long (like mine) know that they will go for that,but also realize everyone has a neck.

maybe practice posing in the mirror or taking a martial arts course.


I actually have problems going the other direction, sometimes the wounded warrior needs to just shut this ALL OFF.

I am more often more content these days just wearing my leather security blanket and just being out there living life. (thanks one brown arm)...(just kidding)


Forget about all that macho shit...and learn to play guitar...!!!

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

Top
#262624 - 11/19/08 01:10 AM . [Re: 1islandboy]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
.


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 06:49 PM)

Top
#262775 - 11/19/08 09:38 PM Re: overcoming the feeling of powerlessness... [Re: bardo213]
RickG Offline


Registered: 11/19/08
Posts: 2
s'up...interesting topic...had this discussion with my therapists this afternoon. With me when I find myself in 1 on 1 situations with men, at a table, at work, in a public restroom, wherever I get totally freaked...like a major panic attack. I go through this thing later where I just beat myself up because I feel so powerless when in those situations like I have some kind of beacon that is broadcasting "victim right here victim right here". It is hard to describe but I feel that I cannot defend myself in any way against that one man. I get it that it is related to the SA I suffered...but why can't I just function like a normal man instead of feeling like the worlds biggest weakling....I am in decent shape, athletic, intelligent, even have some defense training.....still it is automatic: panic, anxiety, nervousness, sweating, difficulty breathing when I find myself in any kind of situation that isolates me with another man. 2 men and I am fine....a baseball team of them and I am fine....just that 1 on 1 situation and I am screwed for the day. So, I spend lots of time trying to avoid those situations....it makes employment difficult in some instances....just wanted to share this for some reason....my therapists says that I should embrace it and be proud of it as I am instinctively setting "boundaries"...thing is I don't feel better later on just....like a coward.

_______________________________________________________________
A mind once expanded by a new idea
never regains its original dimensions.
author unknown


Top
#262793 - 11/19/08 10:33 PM Re: overcoming the feeling of powerlessness... [Re: RickG]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
This is a hard one to conquer. There are so many ways that I allow myself to feel powerless and inferior around other men - if they are more successful (perceived), or older (so I think they are more mature), or more outgoing (which means they have their act together), etc. I think a big part of overcoming the feelings of powerlessness is in realizing that those feelings are what I'm allowing, not what someone is inflicting on me.

_________________________
Eddie

Top
#262892 - 11/20/08 02:09 PM . [Re: EGL]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
.


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 06:49 PM)

Top
#262896 - 11/20/08 02:45 PM Re: overcoming the feeling of powerlessness... [Re: bardo213]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
lm, my b-fam, you are taking the right first step in noticing and questioning these tendencies that got installed somewhere along the way.

to paraphrase a good buddy of yours mine and ours, it's time to de-whelm from overwhelming. it's just a matter of habit, carried over from days of powerlessness. recognizing it, then taking steps to inhibit it is the right approach.

engaging the crazy mind to 'figure it out' gets you no where but more tail chasing. it's the thinking that keeps us entrapped in the first place. so debunk and de-whelm and deflate!

it's simple..... you feel 'less than' around certain types of character, well then strive to build your own character in those areas. rather than be frightened by such displays or recognitions of power, simply study and incorporate them into your own energies. then bunk, whelm, and flate!

now, the caveat, is that if you are desiring to obtain such attributes for false reasons, or simply to bolster an anemic self-image, well then i would say definitely skip this advice.

the first thing that would have to be accomplished in the case of the latter, would be a healthy cleansing of the attitudes that led you to tend to lie down and be a welcome mat when so cued from those who seem 'superior' [mostly shame based notions, which you have already noted and are aware of].

it takes time for us to grow into our own power, but as i said, you are approaching it the right way, by first noticing the lack, and striving to inhibit your reaction, and create new action choices.

strive to increase your power in the field of your talent, and all the rest will fall into place, and that which is not a significant component, will merely dissolve.

triggers and anxiety makers: those are the keys to discovering the truth about yourself, so develop a attitude of welcome to those. as they say, keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

i have found that to be very good advice for building confidence and certitude in relationships with others whom i choose to be involved with.

just more random thoughts spilling out....

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top
#263076 - 11/22/08 01:38 AM . [Re: Sans Logos]
bardo213 Offline
Guest

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
.


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 06:49 PM)

Top
#263116 - 11/22/08 09:45 AM Re: overcoming the feeling of powerlessness... [Re: bardo213]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
yea, and even at the age of 55 i find i still have a problem accepting the limitations of things that i will never be able to control, such as social workplace dynamics. i just get better and better at the lessons of the school of acceptance and learn to stop measuring my insides by the group majority's outsides. and i get to come here and vent about it, and that helps for sure, as you say.

hopefully this option does not go away anytime soon.

rock on male survivor!

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.