for me dissociation was a "good thing" for many years...recently i have discovered that it happens more often than i ever thought - and it seems to be tied with moments of intense rage that kind of bring me back to this place and time...it seems to be more of a reminder now that i am more aware of what this is of a past that was horrific and a way of gradually dealing with that past...is it disturbing??? yup! all part of the journey and never minimizing what happened for to dissociate means something awful did IN FACT happen...

me ke aloha no

When I was in elementary school and when my mother would go to see my teacher about my progress in my studies.
They would always tell my mother that I was very quiet,well behaved boy in class but I did not pay attention to instruction because I was constantly daydreaming in class.
I would get lost looking out the window or drawing pictures in my notebook.
I have always had a hard staying focused in reality and sometimes still do.
I always felt as if there was something wrong with me in this respect.

When I read a book I have always been able to get so focus on it that I leave where ever I was at.
And transfer myself into the story as if that was my realty.
It is so vivid for me and to this day I love to read.

Until a few months ago I didn't realize that Idissociated.
I just thought that something was wrong with me.
It hasn't been a totally bad thing, for instance during my abuse I could just go away and not be there.
But it can be embarrassing thing when I am talking to someone and I miss what they say because I have drifted off with a thought.

Today I understand why I learned to cope with life this way.
It was the only way I could survive the neglect ,emotional and verbal abuse that I suffered as a child.
I was dissociating long before I ever ran across my perp.

Mike

i do it too

Dissociation is not necessarily strictly the province of trauma survivors. I've heard it compared to highway driving, where one is doing one thing while mentally they are somewhere else. As a former bike courier I experienced this while riding. When in that state it felt like a zen experience where I was going at top speed on a busy street and my mind was drifting to thinking about what to have for dinner, etc. However, when it came on I forced myself to snap out of it since my full presence was required for obvious safety reasons. By comparison I can remember fragments from when the abuse was going on and the last thing I did was snap out of my dissociation. It saved me from realizing the full extent of the trauma that was happening. JS

.

i have DID like some others here. i think talking with other guys who have had it for longer time is what helps the most.. so i guess same goes to you all.. i think talking helps..

what i hate is the fear of being crazy.. or to lose it someday

I was terrified the first time Ihad highway forgetfulness. I didn't tell anyone as it seemed it might be like the drinking blackouts. Then I heard some people talking about it and realized it was normal. I still don't understand how it happens but anyway I don't recall it happening for at least thirty years now. Hey thats kind of a pun Ha:-} Can't take credit for it as it was an accidental joke.

Hi Daniel welcome back

I wanna share this story, I shared it with a few in chat but I would also like to share here as well.

Over xmas break from my college career I decided to visit my Grandparents in PA. I was home with immediately family in MI.

I had been helping my grandmother with a number of tasks around her house.

I was unloading the dishwasher when I accidentally broke two dishes. At first I couldn't figure out how I did it. It wasn't until later when I processed it that I had dissociated and just checked out temporarily.

Thank god my Grandparents were gracious about the whole thing, saying since they didn't know what dish broke it didn't matter, god bless them.

It's scary when that happens, and often just for a couple seconds, I've had it happen while I'm driving which freaks me out even more.

I've learned exercise helps keep me grounded, burning off steam helps me as well.

Thanks for letting me share.

Charlie.

Charlie,

I am glad you shared this. I was in chat with you.

I had an episode tonight while in chat.

Donnie

I recall alot of what you described in elementary school, although at that time my lack of focus and attention wasn't related to abuse. Instead, it was due to my having a learning disability which made it impossible for me to function in a large classroom setting. Thankfully thru testing my disability was diagnosed in grade 5, following which I was placed in a smaller classroom and given insturction on how to organize the work expected of me within the time allowed in a completely sef-directed fashion. This has served me well throughout my secondary and post-secondary studies, especially in university where self-directed study and efficent time management is the key to success. JS