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#262895 - 11/20/08 02:30 PM Adult sexual abuse?
Spanish Metal Offline


Registered: 11/20/08
Posts: 3
My boyfriend has just let me know that he was sexually abused as an adult. He was 20 years old & it went on for a year. He says he felt trapped & had no where to go. He had a very hard family life & his father was quite mentally/physically abusive. He states it was with an older man that he had trusted & it's hard for me to understand how a grown adult could let this happen. Please help me understand. I am desperate to help him & help myself accept that he was a victim.


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#262897 - 11/20/08 02:48 PM Re: Adult sexual abuse? [Re: Spanish Metal]
fromtoday Offline


Registered: 10/04/08
Posts: 74
Loc: UK
welcome Spanish Metal,
It should help to read some of the posts on this board, it's sad, but many survivors of childhood trauma find themselves in different abusive situations as they mature.

The more you read the more you will understand.
I'm sad for your boyfriend, I hope you both receive the help and understanding you deserve.
S



Edited by fromtoday (11/20/08 02:49 PM)
Edit Reason: sorry typos
_________________________
Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide,
No escape from reality
Open your eyes, Look up to the skies and see.....
_________________________________________________
Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody

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#262898 - 11/20/08 02:57 PM Re: Adult sexual abuse? [Re: fromtoday]
Spanish Metal Offline


Registered: 11/20/08
Posts: 3
Thank you.

I've tried going thru the posts, but I can't find anything that discusses sexual abuse as an adult. He was never sexually abused as a child so it seems to be an unusual situation???


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#262900 - 11/20/08 03:04 PM Re: Adult sexual abuse? [Re: Spanish Metal]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
It might be surprising to the non-initiated, but a very many men have been sexually abused in adulthood. The reason it can be surprising to discover this is that men are extremely relectant to talk about it.

Stick around and keep asking the question, you'll be surprised by the responses you get.

How do you help him? He goes into counseling, that's how you help.

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#262901 - 11/20/08 03:17 PM Re: Adult sexual abuse? [Re: joelRT]
Spanish Metal Offline


Registered: 11/20/08
Posts: 3
He did therapy in the beginning, but doesn't anymore. It's been 14 years since it happened. He seems to handle it quite well but telling me about it seemed extremely painful & embarrassing. The big issue at hand seems to be, how will this affect our relationship?


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#262905 - 11/20/08 03:38 PM Re: Adult sexual abuse? [Re: Spanish Metal]
fromtoday Offline


Registered: 10/04/08
Posts: 74
Loc: UK
Hi Spanish Metal,
If you take a look through the Male side of the forum you can read that many of the men have been through abuse in adulthood, either by exposing themselves to abusive relationships or putting themselves into dangerous situations. I'm sad to say that your boyfriends experience will not be unusual.
I know its difficult at the moment but hold onto the fact that the your boyfriend must trust you and feel safe to discuss this with you.
My experience is that the trama associated with abuse comes in flows, he may have previously received counselling but maybe with new awareness he needs more help.
You say that he was physically/emotionally abused as a child by his father, this is more than enough to cause the damage required for him to be unable to protect himself in a potentially abusive relationship.
You will find vast amounts of information her regarding the effect abuse has on relationships.
Take Care S

_________________________
Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide,
No escape from reality
Open your eyes, Look up to the skies and see.....
_________________________________________________
Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody

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#262944 - 11/20/08 08:29 PM Re: Adult sexual abuse? [Re: fromtoday]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5778
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Just as a reminder, you can look at the male survivor posts but we ask that partners and others who are not male survivors not post there.


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#262947 - 11/20/08 08:40 PM Re: Adult sexual abuse? [Re: fromtoday]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 859
Loc: washington
Spanish Metal,

This comes not from experience, but I can see that between when I was a child and my boundaries were violated, to the time I dealt with my lack of boundaries, I was vulnerable.

Grown adult physically...Yes...How about the rest of the story...???

There is a disconnect from childhood. (Damage already done)

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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