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#270125 - 01/06/09 03:39 PM Re: Disgraced pastor Haggard: "I was abused as chi [Re: MarkK]
dancr6 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
Mark, your comment made me think back to my own "fog", before I started working on my healing, and I have to agree with you. The pain that I unintentionally inflicted on people around me wasn't obvious initially and it took time before I realized the possible impact and was able to apologize. I'll go forward trying to remember that and add it to the storehouse of compassion I'm building. I have very little fear of self-correction.

_________________________
I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

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#270333 - 01/07/09 11:13 PM Re: Disgraced pastor Haggard: "I was abused as chi [Re: dancr6]
HurtinginMD Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/01/08
Posts: 74
Loc: Cranston, RI
I have my 2 cents to throw into this discussion:

First of all...If you are unwilling to believe Ted Haggard's story of abuse then why should any of us be believed. Do we have witnesses who actually saw our perps abuse us... NO..they did it in secret behind closed doors or away from sight. If he is not to be believed than how can any of us expect others to believe us.

Secondly......show me someone..anyone on this site who has not carried around a painful secret while at the same time putting ona front like nothing is wrong.... I'm sure most of us have done this. We carried the abuse and its results while trying to put on an air of normalcy.

Third.... i find it ironic that the people who preach tolerance turn around and act intolerant.... Hypocrisy anyone????

I for one will give Ted Haggard the benefit of the doubt.... God knows i've made my mistakes.. i won't condemn him for his.

DB (aka HurtinginMD)

_________________________
I want always to be a boy and have fun... (Peter Pan)

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#272745 - 01/26/09 04:33 PM Re: Disgraced pastor Haggard: "I was abused as chi [Re: HurtinginMD]
Niels Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/07/05
Posts: 196
Disgraced pastor Haggard faces more gay sex accusations

Eric Gorski - Associated Press Writer - 1/25/2009 6:20:00 AM

DENVER - Disgraced evangelical leader Ted Haggard's former church disclosed Friday that the homosexual scandal that caused his downfall extends to a young male church volunteer who reported having a sexual relationship with Haggard - a revelation that comes as Haggard tries to repair his public image.

Brady Boyd, who succeeded Haggard as senior pastor of the 10,000-member New Life Church in Colorado Springs, told The Associated Press that the man came forward to church officials in late 2006 shortly after a Denver male prostitute claimed to have had a three-year cash-for-sex relationship with Haggard.

Boyd said an "overwhelming pool of evidence" pointed to an "inappropriate, consensual sexual relationship" that "went on for a long period of time ... it wasn't a one-time act." Boyd said the man was in his early 20s at the time. He said he was certain the man was of legal age when it began.

Reached Friday night, Haggard declined to comment and said all interviews would have to be arranged through a publicist for HBO, which is airing a documentary about him this month.

Boyd said the church reached a legal settlement to pay the man for counseling and college tuition, with one condition being that none of the parties involved discuss the matter publicly.

Boyd said a Colorado Springs TV station reached him Thursday to say the young man was planning to provide a detailed report of his relationship with Haggard to the station. Boyd said the church preferred to keep the matter private, but it was the man's decision to go public.

The disclosure comes as Haggard, 52, is about to give a series of high-profile interviews to promote the cable documentary about his time in exile. He is scheduled to appear on CNN's Larry King Live on Thursday, the date of the documentary's premiere, and already has taped "The Oprah Winfrey Show."

In early 2007, New Life Church disclosed that an investigation uncovered new evidence that Haggard engaged in "sordid conversation" and "improper relationships" - but didn't go into detail. Earlier, a church board member had said there was no evidence that Haggard had sexual relations with anyone but Mike Jones, the former male prostitute.

Haggard confessed to undisclosed "sexual immorality" after Jones' allegations and resigned as president of the National Association of Evangelicals and from New Life Church, where he faced being fired.

Anticipating criticism of the settlement with the former church volunteer, Boyd said Friday that it was in the best interests of all involved. He would not name the volunteer or the settlement amount.

"It wasn't at all a settlement to make him be quiet or not tell his story," Boyd said. "Our desire was to help him. Here was a young man who wanted to get on with his life. We considered it more compassionate assistance - certainly not hush money. I know what's what everyone will want to say because that's the most salacious thing to say, but that's not at all what it was."

He said that "secondarily, it's not great for our church either" that the story be told. Boyd said Haggard knew about the settlement two years ago.

In a letter e-mailed Friday to New Life Church members, Boyd said of the settlement and agreement not to talk: "This decision was made not as an attempt to conceal wrongdoings, but to protect him from those who would seek to exploit him. His actions now suggest that he has changed his mind."

The letter said the church "received reports of a number of incidents of inappropriate behavior" after Haggard's fall. "In each case, we have tried our very best to do the right thing each time, including disciplinary action when appropriate."

Boyd said the "inappropriate behavior" referred to the man who was the volunteer involved with Haggard. After Haggard's fall, another church staff member resigned after admitting to what was described as "sexual misconduct."

Boyd said the church will not take action against the man if he tells his story in the press.

"We have legal standing to do that, but not the desire to," he said.

Boyd said he had spoken to the man once and came away with the impression that he was speaking out because of the documentary. "I think what caused this young man to be a bit aggravated was Ted being seen as a victim, when he himself had experienced a great deal of hurt," Boyd said. "I seriously doubt this man would have come forward if the documentary had not been made."

In an AP interview this month before an appearance in front of TV critics in California, Haggard described his sexuality as complex and something that can't be put into "stereotypical boxes."

_________________________
I live in my own little world - but that is OK! - They know me here.

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#272776 - 01/26/09 09:45 PM Re: Disgraced pastor Haggard: "I was abused as chi [Re: Niels]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Man,

This post has alot of leg.
I wonder why?

Is it because we like beating on a dead horse
so we don't have to see our simmilars in his life to ours
Or how we like to see the mighty fall.

It is oblivious to me that he is and probably never was quailified to led a church.
Per the decribtion for leadership in the bible.

But he has all the quailifications for membership here.
I hope to one day hear his story here on M/S and to chat with him.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#272817 - 01/27/09 01:38 AM Re: Disgraced pastor Haggard: "I was abused as chi [Re: michael banks]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
What's that Biblical thingy about it being easier to see the straw in the other guy's eye than the stick in my own?

Look, I've posted above about how I require a full public apology from the man for the tremendous harm his words have done to homosexuals and Christians alike. I find his actions reprehensible in the extreme. That being said, if indeed he is a genuine survivor then I, first, have to cut him some slack and give him the benefit of the doubt.

Should we maybe start a thread about how we ourselves as survivors have commited some terribly evil deeds all in the name of our inner & secret pains?

I'd go first, of course, only it's just that once I get started there won't be any room left on the page for anyone else to add anything....................

So come on guys, let's stop wailing on a fellow victim and instead start owning up to our own shit.....Who wants to go first?????????

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#273003 - 01/28/09 01:56 PM Re: Disgraced pastor Haggard: "I was abused as chi [Re: joelRT]
Niels Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/07/05
Posts: 196
Well after hearing how he groomed and coerced this 22 year member of his congregation -

Wictim of Ted Haggards sexual abuse goes public on Channel 13

I can not imagine that MS would compromise the safety of the sexually victimized men on this site, by ever letting a sexual predator like Ted Haggard in here ??? Does this site harbor sexual predators ?

_________________________
I live in my own little world - but that is OK! - They know me here.

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#273005 - 01/28/09 02:39 PM Re: Disgraced pastor Haggard: "I was abused as chi [Re: Niels]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
i do so love this thread. we won't accept the fact that Ted's a victim - he's just saying it to cover up his actions. But we will believe he's a perpetrator if someone else says he was a victim of Ted's.

i do wonder sometimes how much of this imbalance is because of Ted's past profession...

M


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#273012 - 01/28/09 03:44 PM Re: Disgraced pastor Haggard: "I was abused as chi [Re: MarkK]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6713
Loc: USA
I don't know quite what to make of all of this.

Usually I resort to the dictionery under these circumstances.

Here is the dictionary definition of "Haggard":

haggard adj. 1.a. Appearing worn and exhausted; gaunt. b. Wild or distraught in appearance. 2. Wild and intractable. Used of a hawk in falconry. --hag·gard n. An adult hawk captured for training.

The way it appears to me is that we don't really have enough information to judge the man. We don't know whether he is a sociopath or as he insists an honest nice guy who got caught with his pants down.

If he is a sociopath, it is possible for sociopaths to be very persuasive about who they are and where they have been. They often lie to get out of a tight spot. They are convincing liars and can have very attractive personalities. According to one psychiatrist who has written a book on the subject (Dr. Paul Meier), there are lots of sociopaths who are in the "ministry".

Allen

pufferfish whistle


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#273021 - 01/28/09 05:07 PM Re: Disgraced pastor Haggard: "I was abused as chi [Re: pufferfish]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
well i feel much better now....he just now apologized to the gay community on oprah, but then he just took it back by saying that god wants us to live as heterosexuals.

thank god i have moved beyond this discussion, and further that my opinion of my own standing in god's eyes does not have to be funneled thru the approval of the right wing evangelical posse's perspective. judge, and you shall be judged accordingly.

live and let live, love and let love ... this whole event signals for me, and for many, the end of the era of tyranny of the religious right. consider the discussion now moot. consider it dismissed.

now, back to our regularly scheduled life,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#273022 - 01/28/09 05:31 PM Re: Disgraced pastor Haggard: "I was abused as chi [Re: Sans Logos]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
God is so good! (Hmmm, I wonder if Ted would allow a Queer like me to pronouce those words). Anyhooo, I had an emergency app at my doc's office (referred me to psychiatry, yikes!) so I missed miss Ted and his latest performance at bamboozeling the gulible public. Good thing to, my TV would surely have imploded.

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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