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#26246 - 04/16/02 06:13 PM I have a question??????
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
What has worked best for people on the board...one on one or group....I know I need to talk to someone about my abuse and realy dont want to..but thats another story....and Im just wondering if I should do a group or one on one...and I heard that the more I talk about my abuse the easer it will get for me..is that true????...does it get easer to talk about?
Thanks

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#26247 - 04/16/02 06:41 PM Re: I have a question??????
Anonymous
Unregistered


Depends on what you're looking for. And of course,who you're communicating with. There are people out there who'll screw you up more than you are now. The same search-words that bring survivors to websites like this also bring predators. I've run into a few. They'll start out being friendly then want the details of your abuse. Pretty soon you realize he's not a survivor. He's a predator milking you for the juicy details while he fondles his whang. These guys are thick-as-fleas at survivor websites. As for groups I think it depends on whether your abuser was male or female. In my case,after 42 years I finnally sought therapy at the local Chapman University Community Clinic (Orange,Ca). First meeting was with a guy. After that I requested to meet with female therapists only.


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#26248 - 04/16/02 07:56 PM Re: I have a question??????
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Thanks tinfoil,
I can see your point as to the type of people that want all the gory details of my abuse, Im not real comfortable talking about it to me, so dont think I have much to worry about saying it online right now. Not in the detail I would think someone like that would want anyway..who knows...but I will be carful..thanks for the warning.....

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#26249 - 04/16/02 08:19 PM Re: I have a question??????
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
I asked the state for help after telling my wife...they refered me to a female therapist that was good with SA male PTSD...she checked me into a hospital...if you are going that nuts..hit the ER!!!! You really sound like you need inside help!!!! Do a fly in 3 week treatment here in Baltimore...for SA-PTSD...uses one on one and group therapy...8 hours a day..7 days a week...room and board...really helped me pull out of just what you are going through now! You are a survivor...you are still alive...get some pro help..the best that you can find!!! Outside help is full of predators...groups can just be hook up places. I live right over the hill from you...you are right near me...E-mail me??? Predators love SA survivors because they are easy!!! Look out!! Go pro only!!!

Eddie


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#26250 - 04/16/02 09:57 PM Re: I have a question??????
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Hi getteddie,
think you for your post...I sent you a p.m.. let me know if you get it....

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#26251 - 04/17/02 12:08 AM Re: I have a question??????
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
It is not nessessary to talk about the abuse in detail James. Take some deep breaths, and go slow. Too much too fast is not always good.

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#26252 - 04/17/02 12:17 AM Re: I have a question??????
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
michael joseph,
very true. Sometimes people try to say to much too fast and it gets very overwhelming, plus it opens a person up to get taken advantage of.

I have found that various things help in healing. These range from organizations where you meet other survivors like Voices (or NOMSV conferences) to meeting fellow survivors and forming a friendship with them to one-on-one therapy, group therapy and even online forums. I am not sure if one size ever fits all and if any one thing is the right thing. I just know that as you feel comfortable and you begin to talk about things or break the silence of your abuse, you are healing.

It is one step at a time.. and it is a process that does take time.

Don

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#26253 - 04/17/02 02:29 AM Re: I have a question??????
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
I know what u mean about to much to soon..I think thats what I did with my wife when I told her everything about my abuse...now Im a basket case....I cant seem to shake the these fellings Im having..I think I pushed myself to hard....I guess no matte how hard I try there just isnt going to be an easy answer to all of this.....thanks for all the suport as I try to come to grips with all of this....

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#26254 - 04/17/02 02:31 AM Re: I have a question??????
fenics Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/25/02
Posts: 25
Loc: Midlands UK
In many if not most cases survivors enter therapy for reasons other than the abuse. It is as if they cannot believe that the abuse is responsible for the self-hatred, depression, lack of trust, etc, etc. It may also be an unconscious choice to allow time to build trust before revealing the truth.

I would suggest that it is a waste of time (and money) to go into therapy unless you really want to get involved in it. But you do not need to reveal the abuse straight away or at all. If you want help to stop harming yourself then do it, and focus on that. Later on you may feel differently and may want to address the abuse. Going at your own pace includes the choice of if, when and how to reveal things. Do not do so just because it is the textbook answer.

And as for the sharks, just ignore them. They may watch our discussions but they cannot hurt us in cyberspace. Just be careful to not give away too many personal details or even addresses as some have done.

fenics


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#26255 - 04/17/02 03:30 PM Re: I have a question??????
wobble Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/04/01
Posts: 7
Loc: Spanish Fork, Ut, USA
James,

I agree that you have to pick what atmosphere works better for you. Personally, I like having other people's support in group therapy. I have been going for over a year and it's helped. I didn't want to tell my story at first but it's all good.


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