It is fascinating with the updated software to be able to see what old threads people are reading.
I found this post from someone with a PhD in Sexuality & I have long thought that having a sex therapist
(something quite different from this poster) would be of benefit, even as a "first contact support resource" here at MS.
Here's some food for thought.
Here's the long response from Dr. Ralph:
It is very difficult to discuss in a general manner any aspect of human sexuality. In part this is because healthy people function with autonomy and learn to be self-determining in exploring all aspects of their sexuality. So each individual learns to value or devalue aspects of their sexuality in the course of their life. Simply put, no theory will explain your feelings, or serve to interpret the meaning of the behavior.
To help clarify why some people engage in sexual behaviors that appear to be inconsistent with their expressed orientation, I must first discuss the three components of sexual identity: i.e., biological sex, gender behaviors, and orientations. Each of these causes such confusion that they deserve a little discussion.
Biological sex is seemingly easy enough. It consists of the chromosomes, hormones, and the external and internal genitalia. So unless you are a Transgendered person, simply check M for “male” and F for “female.”
The second component of sexuality relates to a wide range of culturally ascribed gender roles for male and female behaviors. Gender identity, is how each person enacts their sense of masculinity or femininity throughout their life. It is one's psychological sense of being male or female.
The concept of gender identity [how each of us enacts a range of masculine and/or feminine roles] varies from person to person with acceptable roles being determined by the dominant culture. So what is masculine may well depends on such variables as culture, race, historical moment, etc. You can tell nothing of a person’s sexual orientation from observing how they enact their gender. To ascribe an orientation to a person’s ability to act “masculine” or “feminine” will only lead to confusion.
In the course of a lifetime gay, bisexual, and heterosexual oriented individuals enact their gender identity through a range of shared behaviors. Ironically, attempting to rigidly maintaining ascribed roles and behaviors associated with masculinity and femininity appears to be detrimental to the individuals’ development, and most people learn to comfortably assume and share roles as needed.
Confusion occurs when too readily assume feelings and behavior are indicative of a person’s sexual orientation. Orientation is a matter of psychological, emotional, and social intimacy. It is not the biological sex or the nature of the sexual activity [i.e., oral, anal, whatever, etc.]. All sexual acts are neutral and not indicative of a person’s sexual orientation. Exploring oral and anal sex occur surprising equally among heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual individuals.
So, take a deep breath and listen carefully to how I define sexual orientation: It is a psychological, emotional, and social attraction and primary bonding with members of the same, other, or both genders---that may express itself in a range of sexual behaviors.
Now, before you categorize yourself as [bisexual, heterosexual, or homosexual], you should know that there is no biological evidence to support the existence of sexual orientations. I don’t argue this point. The terms and concept related to sexual orientation emerge during the 19th century. They are scientific terms used to classify observed patterns of know sexual behavior. So, the terms do not exist in the original>
:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::