age 5 - grandparents trip to PA for 2 weeks.
at the time of appraching the first hotel the first night
my memory is lost. I remember going up a hill that spiraled to the hop where a hotel was I only went half way up
age 10 - Cousin invited me over to his house I was to help with homework he instead locked me in his room and itroduced me to sex. On the way home from school the next day I had the dry heaves. I would have rather chosen when I wante to be sexual.
age 11 - older cousin locked me and my brother in a bathroom made us strip and pee on ourselves. He then went into his bedroom down the hall and played with his dick so as we left the bathroom we were subjected to that.
at age 12-15 I was molested by a father figure (my dad died when I was 12) so now not only did I miss my dad he was replaced by someone who molested children.
at age 16 I was beat by half of my gym class about 20 kids on a daily basis for 8 months of so.
at 21 I went out at night to study for college, outsde in an alley by the library which had just closed I was assaluted and in the middle of this I started to cry out dont hurt me three times He let me go. (oral happened) annal was going to he was up againt me when I cried out. That was tramatic to say the least.
around 30 I was in a mens group working on abuse issues.
an older man my dad's age (if he were alive) offerend to give me amassage, after I asked for a hug and then a second one. On the second one it got very sexual, the next day I went to the president of the group and two days later we had a meeting to decide what to do.
at 35 a friend named mike in a group for survivors took advantage of me when I visited his family.
at 38 a friend who was starting a group for male survivors wanted me to be his BF so he tried to sabitoge my marriage (at the time it was still a good marriage) We were moving and he got naked in my apt when I was home and asked me to undress.
He was a friend, but as I am beginning to see other survivors can have trouble with boundaries too.
at 41 I met a friend online who lived close to me, I think he knew of me prior to joining. after he met me in person after like 8 months he never spoke of sexual things. by our third visit that changed he touched me when I asked for a hug.
This really hurt I trusted him and we had become friends.
I am sure I have learned from all of these things, but there is more.
at 44 I moved in with someone that was my friend after loosing my job. He was the nicest person to me, and reated me wonderful until I hopped on a bus and moved back to PA to live with him. I was fired in the middle of my shift, and this friend visited me in MI so he knew where I worked. I strongly suspect he had me fired, and when I moved in the doors were boldted so I could not get out and the garage was paddlelocked
He kept me locked in the house only going out with him. He was in my coumseling sessions, and he took me in to make me his slave and so called bf. My life was controlled by him.
We were together 24/7.
sat 11-15 was the second annaversary of moving out and in to an apt.
the day after thanksgiving I was with his family members and him I wanted to see them one more time. I let him carry something in my apt. He wanted to know what happened between us and started to play with me. There was never an us he planned this whole thing from the get go
Now I am in a great relationship but I have had to go through a lot of counseling, and growth. I am working On a book and illustarting some of my poetry to publish more poems.
I am also thinking of working on my degree in music therapy
wish me luck
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni*** The Round Table
, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat