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#260926 - 11/10/08 03:25 PM .
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 06:48 PM)

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#260938 - 11/10/08 07:08 PM Re: in need of some advice to help my brother out... [Re: bardo213]
ttoon Offline
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MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
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Edited by ttoon (11/16/08 10:04 AM)
_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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#261469 - 11/13/08 02:05 PM . [Re: ttoon]
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 06:48 PM)

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#261516 - 11/13/08 08:53 PM Re: in need of some advice to help my brother out... [Re: bardo213]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
Lynchmob, families can be so difficult to navigate!

Part of the problem here is, if I read it correctly, your step-mother's attempts to make everything "right."

Sometimes, we need to utilize "tough love" to make people face up to their own responsibilites. Because if they know that there is a "safety net" there, i.e., family that will bail them out, they may never learn.

You might wish to try and expalain this to your step-mom. And do not let guilt force you into protecting your brother from a lesson he needs to learn. That's called enabling. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's true.

I recommend letting your brother know you are there for him, but are not going to bail him out. Guilt shouldn't be a motivator. If you can help financially and wish to do so for reasons unrelated to what he has done for you in the past, go ahead.

As far as the DUI's go, this is serious if it is his second offence. This one you should steer completely clear of. I had a DUI once and a night in jail and the associated fines cured me of driving drunk. Seems like he has yet to learn that lesson. Let him learn it before he kills or hurts someone.

Paul

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#261533 - 11/13/08 09:57 PM Re: in need of some advice to help my brother out... [Re: Tinman]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
lynchmob,

Sometimes the most loving thing we can do for those we love is to allow them to suffer the conquences of their own behavior.
At times to rescue someone from themselves just delays the inevitable.
He needs to find his own way out of the predictment that he has placed himself in.
Most people don't seek help until they hit bottom and have no other choice.
And until he is willing to seek help on his own there is not
much that you can do for him.
I know that what I am saying sounds harsh and will be diffecult to do.

Wish you and your brother the best.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#261557 - 11/14/08 03:35 AM . [Re: michael banks]
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
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Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 06:48 PM)

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