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#261076 - 11/11/08 12:08 PM It's Growing!!!
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2578
It's Growing!!!

What you ask?

My Love! For who I am. For who God has made me. For other people! For God! Sure I still have issues and troubles, but I realize that despite them, I'm not a bad person. I'm not deserving of hate in the eyes of God. I can be loved! I am Loved!

It's growing more each day!

I'm free! Free for what I feel is the first time in my entire life! Freed by my Lord and Savior! Glory!

Where did it start? Well I suppose with conception, or perhaps even longer ago than that.... when a man laid down His life for all of creation! However for me, that freedom was felt for the first time at the Kirkridge WoR in the middle of October 2008! For the first time I was able to let go of the self hatred and loathing. I was able to be loved by others. Others who knew! To be ok! To not have the continual thought in my head "If they really knew me...." Becuase I had let it out! I had opened my heart and they didn't hurt me! They didn't hate me as I hated myself!

I have been made free! I put down those heavy burdens that I had been holding on to and carrying for so long! Jesus removed the restraints, the things that I could not remove, but I had continued to carry the burden myself. Continued to hold on.

God led me to and connected me with others that carried a similar weight. Others who knew, who understood.

Yes there are still hard days! Yes there are still times filled with tension and anxiety, but the heavy weight that held me down and pulled me under each and every day, has been lifted away!

In the words of a song writer and later a great leader, "Free at last! Free at last! I thank God Almighty, I'm free at last!"


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#261077 - 11/11/08 12:23 PM Re: It's Growing!!! [Re: JustScott]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6867
Loc: USA
Yes, Scott

This is where I am also.

Some might not think so because I have dumped all my dirty laundry on this MS Board. But this posting of my pain has been like throwing it in the dirty clothes hamper. Then for some reason I am not carrying it around.

Allen

aka pufferfish whistle


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#261099 - 11/11/08 04:43 PM Re: It's Growing!!! [Re: pufferfish]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Scott,

Glad to hear you are doing so well.
Keep up the good work on healing yourself.
Your progress gives all of us survivors hope for better days.

Remember that on those days you can't love yourself.
Let us love you until you can love yourself.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#261429 - 11/13/08 01:17 AM Re: It's Growing!!! [Re: michael banks]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
wow, i am speechless Scott, completely speechless, i wish i had words, but you blow me away, i don't know what to say, it makes me want to cry, it does make me cry (even as i type), in a good way, i find myself reading your words closer and closer each time i look at your post, keep growing

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#261434 - 11/13/08 03:20 AM Re: It's Growing!!! [Re: JustScott]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Scott,

You rock! I am so proud of you. And I do see the difference in you. I was privileged to see that transformation right before my eyes at Kirkridge. It was dramatic, at least to me it was. I'll never forget it.

You are loved and I am honored to know you bud. Go knock 'em dead on Sunday. Of course I mean that figuratively hehehe.

Mike

_________________________
My Story

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#261445 - 11/13/08 09:44 AM Re: It's Growing!!! [Re: Barkabus]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2578
Originally Posted By: Barkabus

You are loved and I am honored to know you bud. Go knock 'em dead on Sunday. Of course I mean that figuratively hehehe.

Mike


Thanks Everyone!!

:-)

For those who don't know, I'm sharing a skit God gave me and my testimony on Sunday at church..... Lots of prayers please!!!!! (Yes.... testimony will mention.... CSA).





Edited by JustScott (11/13/08 09:44 AM)

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#261460 - 11/13/08 12:36 PM Re: It's Growing!!! [Re: JustScott]
LN3(SS) Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/08
Posts: 486
Loc: MD
Scott,

Glad to see you doing this. I am honored to know you. My best wishes go with you on Sunday.

Brian

_________________________
"When we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field, and I will be the last to step off, and I will leave no one behind. Dead, or alive, we will all come home together." LTG Hal Moore, Jr., USA (Ret.)

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#261463 - 11/13/08 01:03 PM Re: It's Growing!!! [Re: LN3(SS)]
Davesc Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 67
Loc: NJ
Good luck on Sunday Scott. I read the skit and it is great I am going to give it to our youth minister who does that kind of thing with the kids at our church. Well done and God bless, Dave

_________________________
Davesc
_______________________________________
Thankful Wor Kirkridge Alumni Oct 2008

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#261492 - 11/13/08 05:57 PM Re: It's Growing!!! [Re: Davesc]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Break a leg Scott! (Its a theatrical term, hoping for a good performance)

I know what you mean about being free. I've been free now for about,,, hmmm lets see, 5 days. What a feeling eh!

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#261520 - 11/13/08 09:10 PM Re: It's Growing!!! [Re: Geeders]
Pete2004 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/04
Posts: 958
Loc: North Carolina
Scott:

Man, I am so proud of you!...... Prayer works and He hears and answers!

Peter

_________________________
There is a destiny that makes us brothers;
No one goes his way alone;
What we send into the lives of others,
comes back into our own. (Edwin Markham)

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