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#261037 - 11/11/08 07:42 AM Perp brothersí brain tumour bigger than expected
Grunty1967b Offline

Registered: 07/28/05
Posts: 826
Loc: Australia
I posted a couple of months back about finding out my perp brother (whom I donít have any contact with) was diagnosed with a brain aneurism. That in itself made me think about how I felt hearing that news. What did I feel for him if anything?

I went through that process and tried as best as I could not to feel any ďyou deserve itĒ type thoughts. Nor did I go to the other extreme of overtly caring for him.

I think I put things into a place in my mind that I was able to cope with. There was a relativity minor procedure that was scheduled for him. The outcome was looking good.

I just heard this week from my parents that they could not perform this minor procedure. His tumour was very large, much larger that they thought and after he was on the operating table for a couple of hours they had to abort.

Now the reality of what could very well be a life threatening condition has been stirred up in my mind again. I think last time I down played it. Thereís no doing that this time.

I simply donít know how I feel. I know it has disturbed me but I donít know for what reasons. Itís been a week since I found out and I havenít told my wife yet. What do I say? Sheíll ask me what I think or feel and I just donít know. Plus, in telling her it will invoke a whole conversation about him and I donít feel comfortable in doing that either.

I really have no idea whatís going on here.

#261046 - 11/11/08 08:03 AM Re: Perp brothersí brain tumour bigger than expected [Re: Grunty1967b]
ttoon Offline

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977

Edited by ttoon (11/16/08 10:01 AM)
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle

#261057 - 11/11/08 08:52 AM Re: Perp brothersí brain tumour bigger than expected [Re: ttoon]
NatureDrum Offline
New Here

Registered: 12/08/07
Posts: 116
I think, "I simply don't know how I feel," is a perfectly acceptable answer to anyone that does ask.

As survivors we are often put in positions of needing to hold two conflicting emotions without having to choose one or the other. I have found when I accept both emotions at the same time they actually make room for each other and do not seem as volatile.

Be angry- the pain is still there.

Be concerned- he is your brother.

Peace to you,


Negotiating the treaty for peace of mind.

My Story

#261444 - 11/13/08 09:35 AM Re: Perp brothersí brain tumour bigger than expected [Re: Grunty1967b]
Morning Star Offline

Registered: 12/21/04
Posts: 1124
Loc: Home
Perhaps a part of you would respond as a survivor, part as a victim still, part as a brother, though I believe a bigger part would respond simply as one human being to the word 'mixed feeling' would be an appropriate de>
~ It's over!...Let go of Thy Past, Remember Thy Self ~

Why Don't People Heal, by Caroline Myss; 30 days to clean up your vibrations - Abraham-Hicks

#261584 - 11/14/08 10:11 AM Re: Perp brothersí brain tumour bigger than expected [Re: Grunty1967b]
pl1961 Offline

Registered: 11/14/08
Posts: 9
Loc: ohio
My perp. cousin died not long ago. kidney and liver failure. he was a druggy and probably had aids or hiv. at the time of his death I had not yet told anyone about my abuse. I had to go to the funeral, easyer than explaining to the family why I wouldnt be there. And I remember sitting there thinking, Good, you got what you deserve, a long painfull death. I have been dying that death for 40+ yrs so now its your turn. I still dont have any problem with how I felt. So let yourself have that selfish feeling if you need to. I walked past his urn and insted of saying good bye, I said, ( I am still so mad at you, and I dont forgive you) I know it sounds bitter, but its what I felt.

#261586 - 11/14/08 10:36 AM Re: Perp brothersí brain tumour bigger than expect [Re: pl1961]
steveb121 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/02/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Swindon, UK


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