Sexual Aversion Disorder from the DSM-IV
(ask your therapist or a professionally licensed counsellor)

"anxiety, fear or disgust when confronted by a sexual opportunity with a partner.
The aversion to genital contact may be focused on a particular aspect of sexual experience...
Some individuals experience generalized revulsion to all sexual stimuli; including kissing & touching.
The intensity of the individual's reaction may range from moderate anxiety & lack of pleasure
to extreme psychological distress." (p499)

Sexual traumatization >>> Sexual Aversion Disorder >>> sexual identity/orientation confusion >>>?

Add cultural, social, religious & familial influences & you get the picture.

Talk to a professional. Talk to a couple. Ask questions.

Make an informed decision.

C

I can definitely relate to this. Dating/Romantic situations bring a huge amount of stress. I tend to disassociate. It's just difficlt. I feel at such a total loss. It is just so difficlt to deal with.

umm...This rings true with what i experiance. But i'v decied that the way to stop feeling this is to stop have relationships!!

I tend not to get involved romantically either-though it is something that I desire. I will say that I have a lot of friendships but nothing romantic. Most everything is asexual.

I used to suffer from this. With some counseling and a VERY understanding/supportive partner, I was able to work through it. 90% of the time, love making is very safe & enjoyable now... about 10% of the time I can feel that old crap creeping up -- I just have to stop, open my eyes, look at who I am with, tell myself I am safe and with a loving person -- breath.. and if necessary, stop or redirect my spouse (sometimes it is just being touched a certain way that will "trigger" me.) At one I hated be touched, it actually felt like my wrists were burning and on fire --- today, things are much much better.

For me - the important thing was the right counselor... I had a few major issues I needed to work on. I found that I was trusting that one therapist too much -- he had great skills for some of my problems, but not all of them. I learned to interview therapists before committing to them. (They work for me, not visa versa.) Over years, I used three great therapists and learned a lot from each one.

Finding an "nderstanding partner" almost seems like an impossiblity

Touch is the worst Trigger. Specialy in a romantic way. I like hugs, and to snuggle but Romantic touching is too hard, and i just freeze, and feel really crappy during and after.



That the way i feel about it too now! It just better not be sexual anymore, not to feel, or even try. Maybe far away in the further i might be able to try again, but for now, I will be asexual.


Elliot.

I'm not necessary advocating being asexual. I do think that taking relationships off the table for a period of time to address more core issues will allow a much greater amount of focus on those issues.

Addressing core issues, especially the abuse itself, will hopefully allow us to build a foundation to address and resolve other issues (such as a feeling of inability to be in a relationship).

I think that it is unfortunate that I can't seem to have a romantic relationship with a woman. I feel guilt, shame and inadequacy when I look at a woman with sexual interest. I just tend to numb out leading to asexuality. I can be a good friend.

For me I would love it if I could find a girl who actually touch me romantically. It's funny though, the last time I had sex with a girl, my girlfriend at the time, she noticed that I was literally shaking all over. I was excited for it, but for some reason my entire body was shaking from head to foot. Since then I've been generally avoidant of sex in general. If I get an opportunity, I get really nervous and then I just freeze.

It's difficult. I dissociate when I start to get physically close. I can't seem to stay in the moment.