Welcome to MS. Amongst other things this is the place where you will find help in getting the clarity you seek.
And about clarity and confusion, man, you are so not alone in that! When the memories of my CSA come back to me after thirty one years I truly believed that I was going insane. I could not accept that what I seemed to be recalling had indeed happened to me. I kept asking myself that if it was true that I had been gang-raped then how come I didn't remember it before now. Surely I was making it up.
After weeks of trying to deny it I had to ask myself this question: If it didn't happen then why does the thought of it hurt me so very deeply? And then this: Why am I suddenly so overwhelmingly sad and why do I feel such terror? Why am I suddenly affraid to leave my house?
It took me many weeks before I was finally able to accept that a guy just doesn't, for no apparent reason, make up the disgusting and hurtfull images I now had in head. After many years I now know and understand the hows and the wherfores of repressed memories and I finally know that I"m not crazy. You'll get there too - just give yourself the time you need without pushing yourself too hard. Clarity will come.
We're here for you, Andrew. Talk to us when and as you can. There are some really great guys here at MS and we'll all support you in any we can as you work through this.