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#260881 - 11/10/08 09:07 AM need to get this out, it makes me wonder
JBells Offline


Registered: 10/21/08
Posts: 218
Loc: Juneau
maybe a trigger but something I need to talk about.

went to a bar a while back with some friends to see a band that we like, the whole time i'm there this person is checking me out, keeps looking at me, following me around and finally buys me a beer and comes over. we talk for a while, he seems cool and I like him. thinking about it now im ashamed and embarrassed because it was just one of those times where I had too much to drink and wanted to do something reckless so when he said "hey lets go out to my car its in the back lot" i was more than willing to go with. so I went with him and when we got to his car he fished around for his keys but instead of coming up with keys he came up with a gun. I cant get into the rest of what happened you can probably imagine. I probably should have gone to the hospital but I didnt, i was too ashamed. he hurt me pretty bad and it took some weeks to finally heal up. was this my fault? I know he didnt have the right to do what he did but I did go with him willingly. he said I led him on so i get what i deserve, I dont think I deserved to get hurt like that but I did lead him on. hate that my body reacted to some of this and feel like it make him think this was ok and maybe it was. I don't know, it s just one of those things that makes you wonder, maybe i did deserve it you know? or maybe not. Im having ahard time coming up with reasons why not. thx. jb.


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#260884 - 11/10/08 09:37 AM Re: need to get this out, it makes me wonder [Re: JBells]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
((((JB))))

What happened to you was a very serious crime! There is no shred of doubt about it. You did not deserve it. You did not lead this guy on. He planned to rape someone at gunpoint that night. You just happened to be the unfortunate target of opportunity for him. And you can be sure you weren't this sicko's first victim. Please read this carefully JB...It was not your fault. I am so very sorry this happened to you. You need to be supported, encouraged and loved. I am glad you were able to share this with us. This is too heavy a burden to carry on your own. You're right, you really needed to get this out, as you said. Are you sure you're ok? It would probably be best that you go see the doctor. Even after all this time.

((((JB))))

Mike

_________________________
My Story

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#260885 - 11/10/08 09:48 AM Re: need to get this out, it makes me wonder [Re: JBells]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
JB,

One of the reasons that I quit drinking is that when I did drink I became anybody's plaything - I found myself acting out my abuse all over again. I haven't been there in eight years now and, no, I certainly don't miss it. I am so sorry that you've been hurt all over again just because you're human and were looking for something good.

NO, he had no right to do what he did to you. Why pull a gun on guy who goes with you willingly? It makes no sense other than he gets off on exerting power and inflicting pain.

Are you to blame? NO!!! For whatever your reasons for wanting to follow this guy to his car you cannot be held responsible for his evil behaviour. You did not make him what he is!

That being said, I learned a long time ago that when you accept a strangers drink, he expects you to follow up with sex - you might want to think on that the next time you're out. But, you have nothing to be ashamed of in what happened to you, going with him willingly is NOT leading him on. The fault in all of this his and his alone.

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#260889 - 11/10/08 10:42 AM Re: need to get this out, it makes me wonder [Re: joelRT]
theraven Offline


Registered: 11/08/08
Posts: 34
Loc: US of A
JB,

I'm sorry this happened to you. This was not your fault at all. It is the fault of a predatory monster. Please don't blame yourself. Accepting a drink from someone and going to a car for some possible fun is not giving someone keys to rape you. Your innocence is very clear. I hope that you can see that too.

Andrew


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#260891 - 11/10/08 11:24 AM Re: need to get this out, it makes me wonder [Re: joelRT]
dgoods Offline
Guest

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
JB,

I have to strongly agree with Mike and Joel; i just wanted to add- consider if someone you cared about had come to you with the same story; what would your response be?

_________________________
Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

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#260903 - 11/10/08 01:16 PM Re: need to get this out, it makes me wonder [Re: dgoods]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Jb, we've chatted before. You know a bit about me. I think you know that you can trust what I say. I hope you can see and hear the words above that are written by your brothers, your friends. This was not your fault, and what was done to you was very, very wrong. It has nothing to do with accepting a drink, or going to the car. "Leading him on" was an excuse to heap shame on you. But you did nothing wrong. Take back control, throw the shame back at the horrible person who did this to you. Please see a Dr. to ensure you are alright. And please consider telling the police. That bastard needs to be put away for a very long time. Take care of yourself and see a Dr. Please.

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#260915 - 11/10/08 02:02 PM Re: need to get this out, it makes me wonder [Re: Geeders]
JBells Offline


Registered: 10/21/08
Posts: 218
Loc: Juneau
thanks everyone


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#261070 - 11/11/08 11:19 AM Re: need to get this out, it makes me wonder [Re: JBells]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
Hi,JB, No my friend it wasn't your fault, and get that out of your mind please. It was no more your fault than it was mine as a young boy around 10 or so when those strangers approached me to go with them, I knew what they wanted and I went. I didn't holler. scream or run away. No matter what age we are. Heal well my friend.
Pete (Irishmoose)

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#261110 - 11/11/08 05:24 PM Re: need to get this out, it makes me wonder [Re: petercorbett]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Jb,

You were physically assualted and raped by that man at gun point.
It is not your fault.
My advice is to report him to the police if you can.
Maybe you will protect the next person from his aggression.
So sorry this happen to you.

Like Joel, I choose not to drink.
Because when I do, I can end up in situations that I would not find myself in if I had not been drinking.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#261238 - 11/12/08 08:16 AM Re: need to get this out, it makes me wonder [Re: michael banks]
JBells Offline


Registered: 10/21/08
Posts: 218
Loc: Juneau
right, I have given this a lot of thought and so maybe it wasn't my fault and if that wasn't my fault then maybe the stuff that happened when I was a kid wasn't my fault either. but its like blaming myself is the only thing I have, or the only real feeling I have if that makes any sense. Im afraid to let it go. funny thing is the whole time it was happening with that person in my mind I kept thinking i must deserve it, I have always deserved it and its just what I'm meant for, almost normal. but it's not normal to feel like being hurt by someone is normal is it?


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