I pray you change your mind... I do not know your story and have not gone totally co-dependent on you :-) and read your post history. However, since you are here that make you a brother of the wounds and I am bound to you by our common pain. We have all had enough irrational experiences and damage thru chaos that I find it difficult to type in an argument that feels like I am attempting a rational argument :-\
You speak of being a burden on the system due to the expense to the NHS for your meds... I believe that if you take the meds and carry your message/story forward that will prevent at least 1 other from contracting HIV and thus clearing your account.
If we stay on the sidelines and wallow in it we are only perpetuating the systems that let us down when we could not save ourselves.
In looking at my 30+ years before I began to heal and recover I recognize a majority of that time as spend in depression. I also see clearly how often I took the easy path of Martyrdom claiming it as the "high moral ground". Bloody Hell, the hardest things I have done have been in healing and recovery. no litany of back patting I did this I did that crap... This is just a simple truth in my life.
With love, and some anger and frustration --as your post brings up memories of my past attitudes which I still carry some shame about--
Your Brother, Wes
Happy to be a recovering survivor. :-)
Continuing to meet more of my fellows as I "Trudge the Road of Happy Destiny". My Story, 1st pass