Empathizing with you about the birthday trigger bit. My birthday is mid-October, and for years my "holiday season blues" have basically begun then. Until the last 2 years, they've begun 9-11.
Ike is an example of how people fall into routines even in their "good deeds" and don't show consideration, intentionally or not, for the individual. Becuz people don't take time to know individuals. Even in church.
So unfortunately when someone is missing from a church, they may not be missed--again, intentionally or not--in a place where they particularly should be missed, & reached out to.
Keep remembering you have friends here, friend.