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#260329 - 11/06/08 04:39 PM Why? We are seen as a scourge on society!
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
This is something that I have toyed with for a long time.
Why? We are seen as possible abusers!
After reading how abused boys as men are treated by police
and most other bodies' as possible offenders, it makes me physically sick to even talk about it.

Yeah! A lot of young men act out with violence etc., and
can generally end up in jail for violent, and even sex
crimes against kids, but why? Are we seen as the "Menace"!

There are very few times when the cops are successful in
prosecuting abusers.
Perps know that, so they are willing to deny everything so that their victim has to convince a Court, 'without any doubt
that the perp is indeed guilty.

The cops never find perps, but it is the abused kids who
make them aware, only to find that their case is out of
date, or they have to recall facts and dates, that have
not been registered in the victims mind.

We cannot put this respectable man or woman in prison
without concrete facts, and it is so hard for the victim
to go against the abuser in Court, as the system is always
looking for fact and dates, which is in most cases impossible
to figure.

The unfortunate thing about abuse is "statistics"!
Cops work on statistics, which are totally misleading.
They are misleading, because they reckon that most of
the prison population is filled by abused people.

It's about time that society considers the gravity of
sexual, and other abuse, and we can see an end of the
proof needed in Courts.

The worst part of any crime, is that the innocent party
is deemed to be part of the crime, and not seen as a
victim.

I guess I/we are sick and tired of living with abuse, but
for society, and authority to see us part of what happened,
it is sick. Just give us a break, and not the one's who abuse
us, because they must be somewhat complicit, or stoopid,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#260332 - 11/06/08 04:53 PM Re: Why? We are seen as a scourge on society! [Re: reality2k4]
steveb121 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/02/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Swindon, UK
When I'm training the police, social services, etc I argue the same thing too, and answer some of the stupid comments that i get with these.....

"If those who were abused, go onto sexually abuse, does that include all the female survivors out there, with children?"

If that is so, before too long the whole world will have abused!

"Does that mean that men, who were sexually abused as children, by female abusers, will turn into female abusers?"

"Does it mean that male survivors of sexual abuse, carried out be females, become lesbian?"

The logic used is misguided and when they have to answer those types of replies, i see small lights going on, and some form of change taking place

A hard battle, but worth fighting

_________________________
www.amsosa.com

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#260342 - 11/06/08 05:12 PM Re: Why? We are seen as a scourge on society! [Re: reality2k4]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6815
Loc: USA
One of our members, mogigo, just delivered a successful address to law inforcement officers and others on this subject in Canada. I hope he will pick up on this question to answer it. He returned to find his house has burned down and I'm not sure of the extent of his involvement until this gets resolved

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...5790#Post255790

Part of the problem is that victims of CSA find it difficult to speak up for themselves in public. They have to receive a bunch of healing before they reach the "spokesman" level. But there are some that do.

Even when I was cruelly abused at age 12, one of my great fears was that the abuse would tranform me into the same sort of monster as was working on me. So even then, at that tender age I had somehow acquired this wrong idea that being an abuser was contagious. It has taken a bunch of counseling for me to realize this and other ideas the abuse taught me are false.

The general public is pretty ignorant about the effects of abuse. Sure, they know about Megan's Law and spectacular things, but they are really ignorant. Somehow we need to find more spokesmen such as mogigo to teach the public as to the truth of the effects of CSA


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#260343 - 11/06/08 05:15 PM Re: Why? We are seen as a scourge on society! [Re: pufferfish]
steveb121 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/02/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Swindon, UK








Edited by steveb121 (12/27/08 03:24 PM)
Edit Reason: left

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#260344 - 11/06/08 05:21 PM Re: Why? We are seen as a scourge on society! [Re: steveb121]
wes-b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 438
Loc: Western, Canada

R...2k4

Glad to see you took this out into the light.

I'm with Steve this is worth pursuing.

These misconceptions are partly due to the limitations of "sound bites" and "headlines" in media and popular culture. I lived with a load of fear due to the misinformation in pop culture that the 1st question Steve quotes is based on. Once my children were born I was terrified that I would abuse them; because I had "learned" through media that having been abused I was bound to abuse in kind. Which I now know is a load of crap, and am no longer terrified of abusing my children or anyone else.

The more we speak out and identify truth the less misinformation there will be. MS is a Bastian of truth and support for survivors as well as a promoter of truth to media (the O mag articles in Oct 2008), As we recover and heal I believe we begin to carry the message of CSA survivorship and each one of us is a voice of truth to the world.

Blessings, Wes

~~~ Borrowing from one of my favourite Peter Gabriel songs:

You can blow out a candle
But you can't blow out a fire
Once the flames begin to catch
The wind will blow it higher

~~~ let's take our candles and get the flames to catch :-)

_________________________
Happy to be a recovering survivor. :-)

Continuing to meet more of my fellows as I "Trudge the Road of Happy Destiny".

My Story, 1st pass

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#260347 - 11/06/08 05:45 PM Re: Why? We are seen as a scourge on society! [Re: wes-b]
steveb121 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/02/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Swindon, UK



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#260395 - 11/07/08 07:38 AM Re: Why? We are seen as a scourge on society! [Re: steveb121]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
.



Edited by ttoon (11/16/08 10:12 AM)
_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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#260600 - 11/08/08 04:00 PM Re: Why? We are seen as a scourge on society! [Re: steveb121]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Originally Posted By: steveb121
When I'm training the police, social services, etc I argue the same thing too, and answer some of the stupid comments that i get with these.....

"If those who were abused, go onto sexually abuse, does that include all the female survivors out there, with children?"

If that is so, before too long the whole world will have abused!

"Does that mean that men, who were sexually abused as children, by female abusers, will turn into female abusers?"

"Does it mean that male survivors of sexual abuse, carried out be females, become lesbian?"

The logic used is misguided and when they have to answer those types of replies, i see small lights going on, and some form of change taking place

A hard battle, but worth fighting


Exactly!

One abuser who is persistent, without being found, can cause millions in damage, not withstanding the huge mental burden on all those young minds.

I have read so many times, when men have disclosed to authorities, only to be seen as, "somewhat, at fault"!
Hold on a moment!....
Who's fault is it?....

This is the fight. The fight to clear the mythology and taboo
of abuse, and awaken even the most stubborn minds, into the
real World,

ste


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#260604 - 11/08/08 04:56 PM Re: Why? We are seen as a scourge on society! [Re: ttoon]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Originally Posted By: ttoon
Seems like, teaching our sons that there are many more emotions than anger...would help.


Exactly! That's why it's sooo important for fathers to actually have a relationship with their sons. To talk it out with them, good or bad, whatever "it" happens to be. There are age appropriate ways of dealing with nearly every issue that comes up in a family setting not to mention the many incidences of regular life outside the home.

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#260610 - 11/08/08 06:02 PM Re: Why? We are seen as a scourge on society! [Re: WalkingSouth]
steveb121 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/02/01
Posts: 157
Loc: Swindon, UK



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