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#254668 - 10/12/08 06:25 PM Re: What would you say to a sex offender? - triggers [Re: GateKPR4]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
What I have to say to sexual offenders, I have say what I have needed to to one of them, and make sure another is taken by police, where he is now in prison for life. I am not sure what to say to abusers in general, because abuse situations is different, and abusers is different. I had four different abusers, all them was different, and if I was to speak to each them individual right now, I would speak to them in different way and different words.

Although I do think, lot of them are rather stupid. They think they are clever, in how they 'groom' their victims and set them up for abuse, and perhaps to a child, they is. But the majority of them are not so clever they think, because it is like, they think they can have power of us forever, and that is a rarer thing I think. Eventually, most survivors talk, and once we do, we usually talk a lot. Eventually, many survivors (I would hope most) survive the abuse situations and grow into stronger and better people by far then those who have abused us.

I am on speaking terms right now with one of my abusers, the 'main' one who set up the other abuses of me. He is a very sad, very scared, and somewhat pathetic man. He is greatly respected in his field, and knowledgeable, etc. But he live in constant fear of one of the children he abused coming forward and declaring him, what he done to them, he must live with that the rest of his life. He have actual made efforts to change, and make efforts to improve the lives of his victims how he can. But the absolution of his crimes will never happen in this life, and no matter how much he change, he will always have to live with that fear and uncertainty. I am constantly and continually recovering myself, mentally and physically and emotionally. It is within my power. Such recovery is not within his. The power is shifted, very much.

I am very capable of feeling better of who I am, myself, in this world without having to make threats or have hatred for this man, or any of the other 3 who harmed me. And that I am capable of that, it is part what seperate me from them. I am happy of that.

Andrei


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#254686 - 10/12/08 06:55 PM Re: What would you say to a sex offender? - triggers [Re: ak]
Marinan Offline
Guest

Registered: 07/03/07
Posts: 329
What my rapists did to me in the sex ring is no better than killing someone. Raping in the Bible is considered the same as murder. I was murdered hundreds of times. If they execute a child rapist, I consider it too lenient. Write that in.


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#254748 - 10/12/08 09:47 PM Re: What would you say to a sex offender? - triggers [Re: Marinan]
lungfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/08
Posts: 64
Loc: nowhere special nj
Sometimes I long for a less civilized time when the doors to that building would have been locked and it would have been burned with them in it. Tell them to look around the room and find the creepiest most depraved person they can. Tell them they are is same room as that person for the same reason. On Halloween I will be trick or treating with my niece and nephew. I am their hero, I know, they tell me. You are sitting in a room with the worst scum in your area. Tell them they should live in fear because if I catch them looking at mine or other kids, I will kill them. Not really a threat, just fact. I would have more second thoughts about swatting an insect. I would give up my life or freedom to save one child. One last thing. I get to be me, you have to be you.

_________________________
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like to be taught. -Sir Winston Churchill

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#254809 - 10/13/08 06:40 AM Re: What would you say to a sex offender? - triggers [Re: lungfish]
RICK57 Offline
Member

Registered: 12/31/03
Posts: 1611
Loc: ENGLAND
I am currently tidying up around the house and have found an old journal. Here are 2 comments that might have some relevance!

1/ It they want to have sex with kids, reverse the scenario and put them in prison with the tallest, heaviest, angriest, sexually frustrated, big dicked blokes they can find.

If they want to play with little boys, let them know what it feels like to be the little boy!
_________________________________________

They then might understand the following;

2/ Until you've been to the bottom of the pit, you don't know what darkness is!

You never want to go back there ever!!!!

Best wishes ...Rik

_________________________
*Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
*I was seeking a way of expressing my anger - I found hope!
*There are many battles before the war is won! It can be won!

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#254980 - 10/13/08 07:44 PM Re: What would you say to a sex offender? - triggers [Re: Curtis St. John]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
After reading this thread I started thinking...maybe I could talk about what I would say to MY offenders and let others take what applies. Then I thought about my perps and their complete lack of giving a crap. What would I say to someone who didn't give a crap while he was hurting me and I was screaming and crying?

What could I say to make those people care that screaming and crying didn't say? I'm not saying that they can't be rehabilitated somehow, but trying to appeal to their compassionate side or trying to guilt them into behaving themselves seem like unfitting answers for the perps who abused me since they showed no sign of compassion or remorse when they were abusing me.

At the same time though, when I was nine I pulled a little girls pants down who was also screaming and crying. Where was MY compassion? I guess I had more than was shown me by my abusers, but maybe they were just emotional nine-year-olds.

I don't know what I would say to them though. I would only hope that they are capable of even some of the remorse for what they did as I have felt over what I did. I don't feel that labeling all sex offenders as monsters and locking them all up is the answer, nor do I feel that trying to make them feel guilty is the answer either. I guess I just have to confess that I'm just no where near smart enough to have any clue at all what the answer is.

OK. That's my intellectual answer. My emotional one is what Nyjah said. (Not to suggest that Nyjah is more emotional or less intellectual, but I resonated with what he said and totally understand the feeling.)

_________________________
My Story
My Art

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#254981 - 10/13/08 07:48 PM Re: What would you say to a sex offender? - triggers [Re: blueshift]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
I would say "Don't worry about what I have to say. Worry about what God has to say."

"Better for a man to have a millstone hung about his neck and be thrown into the deepest part of the ocean than to harm one of these little ones." - Jesus



Edited by Tinman (10/13/08 07:54 PM)
_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#257373 - 10/24/08 08:57 AM Re: What would you say to a sex offender? - trigge [Re: Tinman]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Curtis,

I have often wondered what I would say in such a situation, and usually I am at a loss for words. I think Ste meant what he said rather differently, but I get it. I'm not sure I have the vocabulary. I once did this when I wrote a letter to the perp who hurt me when I was little, and I guess it worked to some extent. I wrote the letter and scattered the ashes over his grave, and that was an important step for me.

But if I had to do what you are doing now I think I would stress that it wasn't just the abuse. He condemned me to years of barren soulless existence lost in alcohol, drugs and acting out. The best way I could put it is actually not my creation, but a video sent to me by a teenager I worked with some years ago:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwu7L38glcQ

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#257459 - 10/24/08 01:27 PM Re: What would you say to a sex offender? - trigge [Re: roadrunner]
Stretch73 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/27/08
Posts: 336
Loc: Sea Isle City, NJ
What would I say to a sex offender?

Hmm... that's a tough question, but I'll give it a whirl.

My answer would be as follows:

GO FUCK YOURSELF Mr. Sex Offender!

_________________________
"I was so poor growing up, that if I wasn't born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with." Rodney Dangerfield

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#257950 - 10/25/08 10:52 PM Re: What would you say to a sex offender? - trigge [Re: Stretch73]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
.



Edited by ttoon (11/16/08 11:01 AM)
_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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#258423 - 10/27/08 09:36 PM Re: What would you say to a sex offender? - trigge [Re: ttoon]
Puzzled Offline


Registered: 08/30/08
Posts: 18
Aloha GUYS With the help of my therapist I am doing that this week by letter to my older brother who raped me from 9 to 12 and finally at the age of 57 and have been in recovery for almost 2 years. I say to him the abuse took my ENTIRE LIFE, it wasn,t my fault it was yours and it took MY LIFE. Please keep me in your prayers as I do you ! THANKS


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