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#271776 - 01/18/09 02:31 AM Re: How can I help my boyfriend deal w/ his abuse? [Re: michaelmovies]
Mimi777 Offline


Registered: 11/06/08
Posts: 8
I find myself so frustrated because I know that if he continues to push me away with his behavior there will come a point of no return. Knowing him he will be left not only with the pain of what he hasn't healed yet, but also that he lost his relationship with me. I just want to shake him sometimes...tell him to wake up...tell him he is skating on thin ice in our relationship. I made an appointment to see a counselor last weekend. He didn't show up and I did. I cannot keep wanting this more for him than he wants for himself. He has now come around from his not showing up and is NOW ready to go to counseling. I feel very gun shy to move forward. I felt that I gave him the ultimate chance last week. I don't know if I can keep beating my head against the wall over this...


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#271959 - 01/19/09 03:56 PM Re: How can I help my boyfriend deal w/ his abuse? [Re: Mimi777]
wes-b Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 438
Loc: Western, Canada
hey sis

glad to see you are still around. I am blessed by the ladies who share here on MS.

Far be it for me to tell you what to do; my best thinking is what got me to my bottom 2 years ago :-) I will share what my experience is. When I let go of what I want then the miracles can flow forth. When I was separated I just wanted my life back and could not imagine anything else. As I progressed in my healing I began to pray for whatever was best for everyone; my wife, our children and myself. At first I resisted this prayer... over time I began to accept it and eventually truly meant it. --I was invited back home-- Life is surely not perfect... it's real. Heck, living with a survivor is not bowl of cherries.

There was a post a while back with a gem that I will repeat and drop the link to. I pray to live this a little better each day.

Originally Posted By: ttoon
A very, very smart ole lady, at a workshop I did once, told me that you only have to do three things.

Show up.

Tell the truth and,

let go of your attachment to the outcome.


http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...fpart=2&q=1

Love and hope, Wes

_________________________
Happy to be a recovering survivor. :-)

Continuing to meet more of my fellows as I "Trudge the Road of Happy Destiny".

My Story, 1st pass

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#276671 - 02/22/09 07:39 PM Re: How can I help my boyfriend deal w/ his abuse? [Re: Mimi777]
AH Offline


Registered: 02/22/09
Posts: 6
I am in a similar possition, with my best friend though.. reading this has been really helpful...


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#277056 - 02/25/09 07:51 AM Re: How can I help my boyfriend deal w/ his abuse? [Re: Mimi777]
nathan555 Offline


Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 230
Loc: Australia
I saw this book listed havn't read it but mentioning it as a possable rescource

If The Man You Love Was Abused: A Couple's... by Marie H. Browne
4.4 out of 5 stars (5) $10.17

Find out what rescources are available for male survivors
in your area so when he is ready you have help available

He needs space

He needs time to deal with csa when he is ready

It is good you have raised csa as an issue

recognise that as men we respond differently and have different needs

Nathan


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#278158 - 03/04/09 03:08 AM Re: How can I help my boyfriend deal w/ his abuse? [Re: AH]
Mimi777 Offline


Registered: 11/06/08
Posts: 8
I'm glad any part of any of our stories can help one another...


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#278159 - 03/04/09 03:10 AM Re: How can I help my boyfriend deal w/ his abuse? [Re: nathan555]
Mimi777 Offline


Registered: 11/06/08
Posts: 8
Thank you! I will look into that book as a helpful tool.


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#278179 - 03/04/09 09:21 AM Re: How can I help my boyfriend deal w/ his abuse? [Re: Mimi777]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6514
Loc: Terminus
I read only the title of the thread, so sorry if this is redundant:

I would read a book from HIS perspective....something like Wounded Boys, Mending Me.

Either way, educating yourself on the evil of it all will be the best possible thing.

_________________________
We don't need another hero! [Aunty Entity 1985]

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

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#278183 - 03/04/09 09:53 AM Re: How can I help my boyfriend deal w/ his abuse? [Re: Mimi777]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2466
Loc: UK
Originally Posted By: Mimi777
I find myself so frustrated because I know that if he continues to push me away with his behavior there will come a point of no return. Knowing him he will be left not only with the pain of what he hasn't healed yet, but also that he lost his relationship with me. I just want to shake him sometimes...tell him to wake up...tell him he is skating on thin ice in our relationship. I made an appointment to see a counselor last weekend. He didn't show up and I did. I cannot keep wanting this more for him than he wants for himself. He has now come around from his not showing up and is NOW ready to go to counseling. I feel very gun shy to move forward. I felt that I gave him the ultimate chance last week. I don't know if I can keep beating my head against the wall over this...


He didn't show up? that is pretty bad, even with everything going on in the mind of a survivor the least he could have done is phone you up to tell you that he didn't feel like he could make it. He thinks burying his head in the sand will make it go away, it may be that he is overwhelmed with something, maybe the pace is wrong for him. Make sure you let him find his own pace, but dont let him hold you down either.

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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