i am glad that you have begun to recognize and question the behaviors that seem to inhibit your recovery. that you are asking these questions is evidence of your desire to be free from those things that purport to continue the cycle of abuse.
i pray you find the release that you seek.
you have asked a good question in the right forum. there are many men here who share the same behaviors. i did a quick search in this forum for other threads that may deal with this concern. you can check out what has been discussed on these topic in prior threads by clicking here.
you will probably have to wade through a lot of the threads, and not all of them will be pertinent to your concern, but at least you may gain some insight from them.
a word of caution though: this topic is very complex. and you, as a human being, with a sexual component are very complex. there are no easy answers.
ideally, it would be most helpful if you could discuss this subject with a professional trained in guiding you in a process of discovery. at times, the well-intentioned help that you will find in these forums is offered by arm-chair 'therapists' who have no credentials, no education in the field of research on the subject, who generalize determinations about sexual behavior based on projections contrived form their own unresolved shame issues in the realm of sexual behavior. some of the members here also believe that if you are not heterosexual, then your sexuality is somewhat skewed, and you are deluding yourself.
nothing could be further from the truth. you must ask these questions, but please be cautious about the advice you receive from non-professionals, as this may only increase your confusion and anxiety around this profound subject.
i wish you well as you continue your healing journey, and i hope and pray you find the right people to help you in the resolution of these inquiries.
your brother in recovery,