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#259690 - 11/02/08 01:55 PM Manipulaton, Confusion, & Coercion
Stretch73 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/27/08
Posts: 336
Loc: Sea Isle City, NJ
I think when a child is abused, there is an approach by the abuser of coercion and manipulation that allows the victim to become confused, therefore carrying on a life full of shame and guilt. When youíve lived through this, as I have, you feel less trusting of even the most trustworthy people in and out of your life, simply because you are unwilling to be manipulated yet again. There is, and always should be, a sacred bond between a parent and child, or an adult and a child, which should never be taken lightly or broken. I believe it to be an adultís responsibility to protect and look after a child; not abuse him/her.

I read into a lot of post of late, and I see quite a bit of confusion, coercion, and manipulation. If the poster or responder doesnít see things one way or the other, his reply is met with an argument, and sometimes banter and insults ensue. Pardon my candor, but there seems to be less and less support available in a peer level each time I long onto this site. Itís unfortunate. This site is really the only available site of itsí kind that I have found on the internet. (Iíve searched) Most other sites are directed toward women and parents of abused children. I originally started posting, even though I have never gone into great detail about my abuse, because I thought I may be able to connect with some guy out there who has felt all the things Iíve felt and whom I could share with and trust. If Iím being honest myself, I trust less and less on this site everyday. Instead of building a core of trust, Iím breaking it down post-by-post.

Iím certain that if you were to pull 5,000 men together in an type of forum or setting, it wouldnít be all sunshine and rainbows anyway. There would still be arguing, and insulting, and hostility, and anger, but would there not also be understanding for the similar experiences one has faced that is recognizable to us all? I believe there to be a part of each one of us that is clearly broken, and it seems like instead of picking up the pieces and putting ourselves back together, weíre helping to break the pieces into smaller, irreparable bits, and by the time weíre all finished, weíre more fucked up now then weíve ever been.

I felt compelled to remove one of my posts because there was a ton of argument and finger-pointing taking place within it. In other words, I was branded as some sort of perpetrator in one memberís eyes. Another member thought my problems were no big deal and I should be able to handle it easily. One man thinks that I lack toughness. Some think my son will grow up confused because I couldnít bathe him when he was 3. This isnít right, itís not fair, and it certainly isnít true. If you have no support to offer, keep you mouths closed and your fingers busy doing something else!

This post may be met with lightning, and Iíll be argued as the guy who started a bunch of shit when I first joined the site. Iíll be the first to admit that I wasn't very nice to be around when I first got here, and I still have a deep sociability issue, but Iím trying my best to resolve those problems. I think, considering all that I have been through in my life, and all that we have been through in our lives, we all deserve a little leeway. Who knows? Maybe Iíll get my way, maybe I wonít.

I was once a confused, manipulated, abused little boy. Now Iím a man trying to make things right. Isnít that enough? Or should I give more of myself that is untrue?

Think about it!

Rich




Edited by Stretch73 (11/02/08 01:59 PM)
_________________________
"I was so poor growing up, that if I wasn't born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with." Rodney Dangerfield

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#259697 - 11/02/08 02:26 PM Re: Manipulaton, Confusion, & Coercion [Re: Stretch73]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Rich,

Focus on your own behavior and how you treat others.

Think about that.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#259702 - 11/02/08 02:43 PM Re: Manipulaton, Confusion, & Coercion [Re: Stretch73]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2465
Loc: UK
i like all you guys even when people argue, we all have our ups and downs

i don't think people intend to be nasty very much, but i guess the kind of probing that is required to communicate correctly and on the right level can jump out at the wrong angle sometimes and hit you in the eye, or people will write with power to express a point, or have an inability to understand but not think to ask more questions but instead try to see conclusions

yeah people argue a lot lately, but i've seen these things come and go, in the end we are all in this together, and sometimes the friendships forged in battle are the strongest

what you are doing is right Rich, by saying how these things make you feel, i bet it feels good to stop and say, hey, wait a minute, "This isnít right, itís not fair, and it certainly isnít true." Good for you!

i'm sorry for how that thread turned out, but in the end it was more a case of people looking at their own views on it and not judging you, people telling themselves i should be tough, i shouldn't consider this an issue, and people not being able to see what the issue is, so probing at the wrong angle. these guys are not bad guys, they are just guys looking at how they see it and telling you in the hope that it will help somehow

peace
Lewis

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#259721 - 11/02/08 04:50 PM Re: Manipulaton, Confusion, & Coercion [Re: king tut]
Roofus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 233
Loc: Utah
Rich,

I always find your comments very insightful. Just be yourself, as you have been. If there are individuals that struggle to see the good and beautiful things that you contribute then they are missing out on some true gems.

Allen


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