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#259519 - 11/01/08 04:02 PM perpophobia ..enough is enough!
blueshift Offline
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Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity


I feel sick when I see the same suspicion toward survivors that I see in the world reflected here at MS.

I guess it's not that unusual for a survivor to see perps behind every bush.

I get that way myself in the 3d world..but here at MS I let the mods worry about sniffing out anyone suspicious and operate under the assumption that everyone here is just a survivor like me working on their recovery until I see real evidence to the contrary.

Not understanding another person's survivor issues doesn't make that person a perp. Another person's ideas about perps and what should be done about them does not make him a perp.

There are a lot of symptoms of sexual abuse such as evasiveness, nondisclosure, inappropriate feelings of guilt, lack of trust, and many other things that can be interpreted as something sinister but they don't make a person a perp.

If your fear of perps makes you distrust everyone and want to assume everyone is guilty until proven innocent, that is your issue that you need to work on. Don't make it everyone else's.

If someone does something really suspect like asking you your address, that's a red flag and it's time to notify a mod, but please don't go forming half-baked opinions about who the perps on MS are and go about trying to get others on board with those ideas!

That is NOT helpful here, whether it's overt or subtle, it's still crap.

I don't want to see fear turn MS into a place where you can only work on your recovery after somehow proving to everyone you aren't a perp. I'm not a perp, so it isn't my responsibility to prove I'm not.

Perps have already presided over my SA. Fear of them will NOT preside over my recovery.

My sense of security here at MS comes from the fact that I don't give out personal info. It doesn't come from efforts of others to tip others off about who is suspicious or fishy.

We can all be suspicious or fishy if that's what your looking for here, but I'm not looking for perps I'm looking for recovery from sexual abuse. Got any? or are you too busy looking for possible perps?



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#259530 - 11/01/08 04:53 PM Re: perpophobia ..enough is enough! [Re: blueshift]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Doug,

I totally agree with you on this issue.
If you have suspicions of someones motives here let the mods know. and let them perform their roles here on M/S.
Better yet talk to the person and get to know the him a little better.You will probably be helping both you and the other Guy in the process.
We are supposed to be here working on our own abuse issues not creating more for everybody else.
The mods and the guidelines are here for a reason so this can be a safe place for all of us.

Please think before you make any unfounded comments about anybody to anybody!! (Lips can be real loose.)
Because you could be putting someone else recovery or maybe even someones life on the line.

Mike


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#259605 - 11/02/08 12:13 AM Re: perpophobia ..enough is enough! [Re: michael banks]
Bewlayb1 Offline
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Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 241
Loc: NYC
I've been followed around a store many times by employees who think I look fishy. It's because I act so suspicious and nervous that I must be up to something. People at work will occasionally say to me, "you look you just did something bad." Usually, it's something so small, like asking a coworker for a favor, or sneaking out to lunch when it's busy.

I know what you mean. I'm scared that people are out to get me, that evil lurks behind friendly facades. I'm also afraid of being villified for the smallest transgression, or when I've done nothing wrong at all. Abuse breeds paranoia. It's a constant struggle to see clearly, to know who I can trust, to know when my instincts are right, or when my fears are exaggerated.

Everyone here is so afraid of being hurt. At the same time, we have this awful, persistent notion of having done something wrong. I'm guessing that issues of mistrust are not new to this website. I don't think they'll ever go away. Still, I have faith that common sense and reason will prevail.

I think we can all sympathize with those making accusations, and those being accused. We have to accept that it's just part of the battle.


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#259608 - 11/02/08 12:39 AM . [Re: Bewlayb1]
bardo213 Offline
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Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 811
.


Edited by bardo213 (06/21/13 06:43 PM)

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#259662 - 11/02/08 11:36 AM Re: perpophobia ..enough is enough! [Re: Bewlayb1]
blueshift Offline
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Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Originally Posted By: Bewlayb1
I've been followed around a store many times by employees who think I look fishy. It's because I act so suspicious and nervous that I must be up to something. People at work will occasionally say to me, "you look you just did something bad." Usually, it's something so small, like asking a coworker for a favor, or sneaking out to lunch when it's busy.

I know what you mean. I'm scared that people are out to get me, that evil lurks behind friendly facades. I'm also afraid of being villified for the smallest transgression, or when I've done nothing wrong at all. Abuse breeds paranoia. It's a constant struggle to see clearly, to know who I can trust, to know when my instincts are right, or when my fears are exaggerated.

Everyone here is so afraid of being hurt. At the same time, we have this awful, persistent notion of having done something wrong. I'm guessing that issues of mistrust are not new to this website. I don't think they'll ever go away. Still, I have faith that common sense and reason will prevail.

I think we can all sympathize with those making accusations, and those being accused. We have to accept that it's just part of the battle.


Thanx Bewlab. this adds a lot.




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#259665 - 11/02/08 11:52 AM Re: perpophobia ..enough is enough! [Re: bardo213]
blueshift Offline
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Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Originally Posted By: lynchmob212001
how about starting with yourself and not the people around you don't give them control learn to control yourself. who are you? besides what other people may think. Learn to protect yourself read about boundaries.

why do you look outside of you for the answer? when you know the answer??


Though I agree with reforming yourself first, I'm also glad that the activists that have made huge changes in the world for the better have not just been content to simply adjust themselves to the oppression and inhumanity they saw in the world but also saw fit to do something.

Rosa Parks (and I'm not comparing myself to Rosa Parks, just bringing her up to make a point) might have just said "Well, I'll just sit at the back of the bus and deal with this within myself."

I also doubt if you would be here if all u needed for recovery was to be found by looking within. Some answers are within. Some without. I'll take em where I find em.





Edited by blueshift (11/02/08 11:54 AM)
Edit Reason: add comment
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