Ever think you heard your screenname in public and have your heart go to your throat?

My new sig line just fyi is about what I wud do if it ever happened that the MS world and the 3d world were to ever collide in some way. I was talking 2 a freind a few days ago and we were talking about computers and I mentioned without thinking it all the way through that I had been spending some time in a chat room.

As Homer Simpson wud say "dOPE!" Of course, right on schedule he asked me what chat room I go to. It was the MS chat room but I wud b damned if I was going to tell him THAT!

I told him I was in another chat room that I have gone to in the past that is safe to talk about with friends (the most powerful of our enemies). Problem is I'm such a crappy liar that I feel like he knew I was lying which tells him, if he's at all into inducing things, that I was in a chat room associated with something I want to keep private..and he could narrow it down even further probably if he put his mind 2 it.

Anyway, 2nd to being raped again my worst nightmare is the idea of someone in the 3d world telling me he or she's been to Male Survivor! Even if it was a family member! If that ever happened that wud be an immediate termination of any prior conversation and I wud be making a prompt exit from whatever situation it might be.

I'm sure a lot of u guys feel the same way. I want all these words of trust and vulnerability that I've spilled out for months now on MS to be only on my monitor--NOT in the mind of someone looking back at me in 3d. I'm TOTALLY not ready for that.

So hence the new sig line to help clue anyone who sees it that in the unlikely event of meeting in 3d, I'm in the 1st cab outa there the second I discover this unfortunate event has occurred, and it's nothing personal, but I'm just not there yet where I cud respond to that situation any other way.

Of course I cud also change my avatar 2 something without me in it, but I've noticed that I feel a little more comfortable talking 2 people when I know what they look like and I'm comfortable with people here knowing what I look like..so long as they also know what I'll do if they ever see me in real life and have the audacity to say something like "Hey, Blueshift!"

really, arrr, if anybody sees me i think it would be cool if you say hi, i would like it (although you don't know what i look like so it is unlikely), but i think it would be cool if somebody called me king tut, although if you say you know where i am from then that's breaking confidentiality of sorts. It would be so strange lol, it would be one of those moments when time freezes for a second and the whole world spins around and zooms back in with this boom of realisation followed by an almost coquettish smile of friendship as you realise you are talking to a friend. i don't know what i mean. i think it would be cool though. but ok if i happen to see you in 3d i will hold my tongue lol.

I wud like 2 feel that way king. May b some day. Computers don't have eyes. Ears that know my secrets just know my secrets but eyes that know my secrets violate me somehow. I suppose that doesn't make much sense.

Doug,

I know how you feel.
One day you will come to the realization what others know or think of you doesn't really matter.
You will allow others to see this part of yourself because you maybe able help others.
I still don't share it with everybody but those whom I trust or think it may help I will.
If someone finds out or hears about it and approches me I will talk them about it.
It is just one of many things that has happen to me in my life time.
One that has had alot of impact on my life but it no longer defines who I am.

You are going to overcome your abuse if you keep putting your
issues out their and dealing with them as you have been doing.

I Love Your Courage!

Your Friend in recovery.

Mike