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#259215 - 10/31/08 02:39 PM Voices from Hell Possible trigger action.
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
Well my fellow victims, when do we ever get to move on from victim to survivor? It was just a few weeks ago that I had asked everyone to help me and that lost boy celebrate our decision to move from victim to survivor, you sure can tell that I was very cocky of myself, here's why.
I've been forced to again go very deep into my mind and soul as my wife had told me that for the last 35 years of marriage it has been hell for her emotionally, from me. (Hell I didn't have any emotional skills) They were killed off years ago by my mother not only sexually abusing me but also pounding into my head from birth until I left for the Air Force on my 17th birthday. The physical, mental and emotional abuse was relentless, as I was always told that I was useless, worthless and would never amount to anything. So now my wife was taking over from my mother left off as she was telling me the same things. Well this morning I was hanging one goddam picture on the wall, it took me 45 minutes, I had measured wrong, then I started to lose my concentration, I turned around and walked into my stereo system, damn near breaking my kneecap. I started crying into myself, I turned into my self deeply, and some voices came into my mind and soul, VOICES FROM HELL, as my mother was telling me again that see I am useless, worthless and didn't amount to anything. I started believing that she was right after all, then came the voices from my main perpertrator and those total strangers, whom got to my butt and mouth, and they were telling me see we NEVER told you that you were useless, worthless and would never amount to anything. Well I was ready to crash, to just give up. But I remembered that me and that lost boy made a solemn pact to move from victim to survivor, but I've sure got cocky about just where I was in my recovery. But I do have friends who will give me from their hearts and soul the courage to move on. Thanks for listning. Heal well my friends/brothers.
Pete (Irishmoose)

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#259229 - 10/31/08 04:06 PM Re: Voices from Hell Possible trigger action. [Re: petercorbett]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Voices from hell. I can relate. Sometimes if I'm at home alone or somewhere where I can't be heard I loudly tell the voices to SHUT THE F UP! I think it helps sometimes..at least makes me feel less powerless over them.

Just make sure no one overhears you...that could be bad. frown smile





Edited by blueshift (10/31/08 04:07 PM)
Edit Reason: add comment
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#259331 - 10/31/08 10:36 PM Re: Voices from Hell Possible trigger action. [Re: blueshift]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1962
Pete,

I know that I go through waves with my issues. There are ups, and there are downs. Sometimes when I feel on top of the world, it all comes crashing down and I feel worthless. But all in all it seems to be getting better, so I am trying to keep on with things. I just don't know what alternative I have.

It is too bad that many people do not understand what we are going through. I can't say that my experiences are the same as yours, but I am sure there are at least some similarities in what we go through on some level. At least I know I "get" the pain you feel, and the struggles you have. It would be so much easier if more people understood this. It seems for me a large part of my struggle is that others just have no clue what it is like, and what I have been through. And I know my story is mild compared to some I have heard; so I understand the hurt.

Doug makes a good point I think on confronting these voices. Sometimes you really do have to say, hey look your wrong and I don't have time for this. I know when I am stressed and things sort of fall apart in a situation, I try to take a deep breath and gather myself. I've been there in many similar situations like the picture hanging you describe above, and I know the feeling.

Thanks for sharing and keep at it, up and downs included. You are brave to deal with this stuff and I am happy that you have chosen to do so.

Eric


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#259417 - 11/01/08 04:50 AM Re: Voices from Hell Possible trigger action. [Re: ericc]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
Blueshift & ericc, from my heart and soul, and those that send me private messages, THANKS for your kind words, you all have helped me dremendously, as I'm coming out of this pothole that me and that boy have hit on our road to recovery. THANKS again for your compassion and understanding. Heal well my friends.
Pete (Irishmoose)

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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