Gentlemen,

As of yesterday, I have stopped all my medications in preparation for the colonoscopy Friday.

I really don't want to do this as I remember my last test VIVIDLY, but some things in life must be done no matter the cost.

Brian

Brian,

you'll make it through this one ok - just don't forget to ask for the extra meds - I may not be there in real life with you - but I sure will be thinking of you...

I commence my purging for my colonoscopy tomorrow.

Damn, I'm scared. Part of me wants to be relieved, but everything else wants to be scared and RUN. Don't go near THERE!

Brian

Brian,

You are pretty young to be having a colonscopy aren't you or is this related to your abuse?
I hope everything goes well tomorrow for you.
You will be in my prayers.

Mike

Yeah Mike, it's abuse related. I'm 28.

I wish there was some way to give this gift back to HIM, but there's not.

My body is falling apart inside because of that sicko, and there's not a DAMN thing I can do!

Brian

I'm here for you, Brian. I still remember the courage demonstrated at Kirkridge. Your brothers are all with you in spirit, my friend. You can do this.

Please, as best you can, keep us informed.

M

Here's something on body failure. I'm 24 yrs old and I've reached the point where I don't really feel alive anymore. My strength, endurance, concentration, etc has all started to be affected by whatever's going on... There's times when I feel very alive like i'm running on all cylinders but those are usually in situations where my adrenaline is pumping giving a sensory overload type feeling or something. I'm just coming to grips with a childhood sexual abuse incident and realizing and seeing how it has affected my life all these years. Finally i'm like "this is what's been wrong with me, and this is why my life leading up to this has been such a confusing, unsuccessful, and unhappy trail of events" and i feel all these emotions whenever i think about what happened and all that its caused. There's so much confusion and so many different emotions that i almost just go numb and block things out. At this point I just do what I gotta do each day and whenever there's a ray of hope I try to have a laugh and enjoy the positive thinking/feeling as long as i can. but i don't have a good understanding of what's going on and I know i'm in need of some help. I don't want/like medications as I have tried them in the past. They make me feel like a zombie and not myself. I have gotten painful headaches and disgusting/discomforting feelings like i'm being taken advantage of or something... What is the purpose of SSRI's and all that stuff anyways?? What the hell do they provide or put in our body/brain that we might be lacking or need to feel better/normal anyway??

As you can probably see I'm pretty untrusting. I'm also pretty anti-social and anti.. well, a lot of things... but I know there's hope. I want and will get better from this... I'm just trying to figure things out. Help is appreciated

Need2:

The point behind many anti-depressants is to try to balance brain chemistry. Seritonin is a brain chemical. You would have to ask one of our doctor-types here to get a better understanding of what a seritonin re-uptake inhibitor does for your brain chemistry or what symptom your doctor is trying to treat. It sounds like they are trying to treat your depression. One valuable source for medical information is the website of the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. I think that it is MayoClinic.com but I am not sure. (Do a Google search if that isn't right). There is extensive medical knowledge there plus the ability to question their staff by email on the site too.

Welocme to our site. I think that you will find us to be a caring and sensitive bunch of guys all working to free ourselves of the effects of what was done to us together. Glad that you found us, and hope that we can be of help in your recovery.

Most of our members use the survivor forum and the off-topic forum. We also have an extensive collection of survivor stories. Feel free to take a look and don't be afraid to ask any of us with any question that you might have.

Mark

Brian,
Remember your pebble and know we all are watching over you! Together we are strong. I see that big wonderful smile of yours in my eye's mind and my voice sings out to you.
As Mark said, "we are all with you in spirit." Take it slow and keep us informed.

Best,
JA & the WoR bears

Brian,

Just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you today. I know your procedure takes place sometime today, and if I can send you a couple thoughts...

* You are not alone
* BREATHE

... not necessarily in that order ...

M