I'm trying to figure something out.

When a person dissociates, I have heard it is simmilar to a daydream and since I have identified this I dissociate less.

Yesterday, without conciously going there, I just went away.

NO DAYDREAM...No flight plan...NO DESTINATION...!!!

Not really a doorway to somewhere else, but if there was a door it led to a void? I was just GONE...!!!

Stuck in the hallway? I'm really at a loss for words, all I can say it is simmilar to blacking out (minus the alcohol-***Thank You***).

I am confused and troubled by what happened.

If someone has similar experience of this unconcious realm, and would like to help me out, I'd sure appreciate your insight.


Just dropped in (Kenny Rodgers)

island

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Island,

I've been there many times myself. Its a trip to nowhere land and for some reason I'm partial to it. I've had some very interesting dissociative "episodes" in chat several times. Unfortunately, I've freaked some people out and mods have been called in to assist. At least one time I was quite mean to people in chat. I had no memory of it afterward. I had to make apologies to several people I was rude to. I only know what occurred because when I came back a few hours later the chat window was still open. I was in a near panic because I felt something bad had happened but I didn't know what. I saved the chat log and read what I could of it later. I was shocked at my viciousness. I could not read it all. It was too painful.

If you haven't done so, I suggest doing some further research on dissociation. There is a continuum of dissociative stages ranging from "day dreaming" which almost everyone experiences to the other end of the spectrum, Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID or multiple personalities). In my experience, I have ran the gambit of the dissociative spectrum except for DID but I think I've been on the doorstep. It is quite unnerving.

My T has helped me to recognize when I start dissociating when I'm with him by raising my hand. It's funny, I do this automatically now when it happens. At least when I am with him. I haven't noticed if I raise my hand when I dissociate in other places.

I wish you well in working through this. Thanks for sharing this with us.

Mike

I do have dissasotiation disorder...sometimes i feel am not here or am not the same person...many times i just fly to another planet or place or time...I think it is a scape valve when we receive too much pressure from our abuse.

Island and Barkabus,

Having been abused at 4 and onward, I became an excellent dissociater. I can remember being in elementary school when my body was sitting at my little desk but my mind was a thousand miles away. This became so habitual that I would do it many years later. The pattern gradually melted away as the pain went away.

I also was a "stinker" in chat some. I have the remnants of DID now which my T says should be called DIDNOS. I don't know, because it involves more than my nose . No, DIDNOS is apparently the fragmented DID after a lot of healing takes place. No longer amnesia but I stll act like a 12-yr-old under stress. The "NOS" stands for "not otherwise specified", in other words it's a substandard DID that they don't know what to call it. I no longer have any amnesia about episodes. It does yield to T.

Yes, I do this. But I am about 70% to 80% me all the time but like my "flavoring" is different on different days. Under social stress I am the 7th grader. Then, nearly every day of the week has a different "flavor". I am slowly finding out who is the real me and becoming him.

When I was in college, my handwriting was different on nearly every day. This is a sign of having very, very different "flavors." I couldn't remember the content of classes I had attended on other days of the week. Of course I was still there (in class) so there was a central me in operation to make me functional at least in that sense.

The football hero Herschell Walker has written a book about this in his own life. I have read about 1/3 of his book. He never had dissassociative amnesia but he had (to use my word flavor for it) different flavors for different occasions. One of these was the tough football hero flavor.

I like the "different flavors" simile...:)...sounds less threatening...

they call when I have flashbacks a dissociation, it's no daydream with me, there's a bad destination of where I get taken. It's not something that I can control and it's had folks send me to the hospital quite a few times. It's not quite as bad as when I'm unconcious but it still is really scary, especially if someone I don't know is the first person I see when I come back.

Thanks for the responses, if nothing else it brings me comfort with the fact that, "I am not alone".

I have figured out this is a spectrum sort of thing and believe I have been on the doorstep of DID. (killer verbage...!!!)

I believe I need to keep researching and learning about this subject, figure out what I can and then I need to come to terms and cope with this, to the best of my ability.

Hopefully SERIOUS research will make me feel more comfortable and allieviate confusion and fear.

The really weird part of what happened yesterday was that I wasn't feeling anything out of the ordinary...no stress and I can't recall even having a concious thought at the time it happened.

physically I was behind the wheel, +++ good news is +++ I was in neutral.


island

p.s. Saw Herschell Walker last night on U-tube while doing research last night.

Many Doctors or Therapists will use driving as a good de>

for me dissociation was a "good thing" for many years...recently i have discovered that it happens more often than i ever thought - and it seems to be tied with moments of intense rage that kind of bring me back to this place and time...it seems to be more of a reminder now that i am more aware of what this is of a past that was horrific and a way of gradually dealing with that past...is it disturbing??? yup! all part of the journey and never minimizing what happened for to dissociate means something awful did IN FACT happen...

me ke aloha no

When I was in elementary school and when my mother would go to see my teacher about my progress in my studies.
They would always tell my mother that I was very quiet,well behaved boy in class but I did not pay attention to instruction because I was constantly daydreaming in class.
I would get lost looking out the window or drawing pictures in my notebook.
I have always had a hard staying focused in reality and sometimes still do.
I always felt as if there was something wrong with me in this respect.

When I read a book I have always been able to get so focus on it that I leave where ever I was at.
And transfer myself into the story as if that was my realty.
It is so vivid for me and to this day I love to read.

Until a few months ago I didn't realize that Idissociated.
I just thought that something was wrong with me.
It hasn't been a totally bad thing, for instance during my abuse I could just go away and not be there.
But it can be embarrassing thing when I am talking to someone and I miss what they say because I have drifted off with a thought.

Today I understand why I learned to cope with life this way.
It was the only way I could survive the neglect ,emotional and verbal abuse that I suffered as a child.
I was dissociating long before I ever ran across my perp.

Mike

i do it too

Dissociation is not necessarily strictly the province of trauma survivors. I've heard it compared to highway driving, where one is doing one thing while mentally they are somewhere else. As a former bike courier I experienced this while riding. When in that state it felt like a zen experience where I was going at top speed on a busy street and my mind was drifting to thinking about what to have for dinner, etc. However, when it came on I forced myself to snap out of it since my full presence was required for obvious safety reasons. By comparison I can remember fragments from when the abuse was going on and the last thing I did was snap out of my dissociation. It saved me from realizing the full extent of the trauma that was happening. JS

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i have DID like some others here. i think talking with other guys who have had it for longer time is what helps the most.. so i guess same goes to you all.. i think talking helps..

what i hate is the fear of being crazy.. or to lose it someday

I was terrified the first time Ihad highway forgetfulness. I didn't tell anyone as it seemed it might be like the drinking blackouts. Then I heard some people talking about it and realized it was normal. I still don't understand how it happens but anyway I don't recall it happening for at least thirty years now. Hey thats kind of a pun Ha:-} Can't take credit for it as it was an accidental joke.

Hi Daniel welcome back

I wanna share this story, I shared it with a few in chat but I would also like to share here as well.

Over xmas break from my college career I decided to visit my Grandparents in PA. I was home with immediately family in MI.

I had been helping my grandmother with a number of tasks around her house.

I was unloading the dishwasher when I accidentally broke two dishes. At first I couldn't figure out how I did it. It wasn't until later when I processed it that I had dissociated and just checked out temporarily.

Thank god my Grandparents were gracious about the whole thing, saying since they didn't know what dish broke it didn't matter, god bless them.

It's scary when that happens, and often just for a couple seconds, I've had it happen while I'm driving which freaks me out even more.

I've learned exercise helps keep me grounded, burning off steam helps me as well.

Thanks for letting me share.

Charlie.

Charlie,

I am glad you shared this. I was in chat with you.

I had an episode tonight while in chat.

Donnie

I recall alot of what you described in elementary school, although at that time my lack of focus and attention wasn't related to abuse. Instead, it was due to my having a learning disability which made it impossible for me to function in a large classroom setting. Thankfully thru testing my disability was diagnosed in grade 5, following which I was placed in a smaller classroom and given insturction on how to organize the work expected of me within the time allowed in a completely sef-directed fashion. This has served me well throughout my secondary and post-secondary studies, especially in university where self-directed study and efficent time management is the key to success. JS

my ttherapist says that i needed to learn no to dissocate but try to distract myself and that would cut down on me dissocating