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#258911 - 10/29/08 09:31 PM Male examinations since I am over 50
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
This is really embarrasing, but I need to talk about it and would appreciate responses from men who have dealt with this.

I recently changed my primary care physician because I need someone who understands PTSD and my old PCP doesn't think it exists.

My doctors want me to have two exams I am freaking out about. A prostate exam and a colonoscopy. Because of my age, these are highly recommended.

My new PCP understands my reluctance but says it is so important. And I just can't do it. Especially the colonoscopy because I would be totally helpless if someone tried something.

I really could use some input/experience here.

Paul

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#258915 - 10/29/08 09:45 PM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: Tinman]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Paul,

All I can do is empathize with you and say you're not alone. I'm at the same place. Plus I'm having some symptoms right now which could be a sign of problems. Or they could be "body memories" - or could be real issues that are triggering.

"Fortunately" (?) I'm out of town on business until the 10th - so that's given me some rest from having to think about it ... mostly. My doctor is very kewl, not pushing, very understanding - but also concerned.

I wish I had more/better input for you my friend, other than "you're not alone" ... but that's all I've got.

M


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#258917 - 10/29/08 09:53 PM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: MarkK]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6818
Loc: USA
Paul,

Last time I had a colonoscopy, I asked them to put me out so that I would not be aware of anything. They complied. Everything went OK.


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#258918 - 10/29/08 09:56 PM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: pufferfish]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
Allen, thank you for responding, but that is EXACTLY what I am afraid of. Being helpless. Again.

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#258920 - 10/29/08 10:05 PM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: Tinman]
LN3(SS) Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/08
Posts: 486
Loc: MD
Paul,

My colonoscopy is Friday. They are using a drug called Versed for waking sedation. I am only 28, but feel the same things you are.

The prostate exam really needs to be done. Please don't put that off. It is triggering, but if there's a problem it needs to be found early. I have to have them done because of my trauma.

Brian

_________________________
"When we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field, and I will be the last to step off, and I will leave no one behind. Dead, or alive, we will all come home together." LTG Hal Moore, Jr., USA (Ret.)

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#258925 - 10/29/08 10:14 PM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: LN3(SS)]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
Brian, I consider you a good friend and thank you SO much for encouraging me to do this. Just need to find a way to tell my Doc to let me control what is happening. I need that.

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#258926 - 10/29/08 10:16 PM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: Tinman]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Originally Posted By: Tinman
Just need to find a way to tell my Doc to let me control what is happening. I need that.

tell him just that


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#258928 - 10/29/08 10:20 PM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: LN3(SS)]
Davesc Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 67
Loc: NJ
The first thing you need to do is trust your Doc. I know we have trust issues but He is trying to save your life by making sure you are ok inside. Talk to him or her. The procedure is really easy but you will be asleep. You go to sleep every night. You have to start somewhere. The Doc is a good place to start. You will not feel anything, you will not have any memory of it , and there is no residue sensation after the procedure except some gas. I have had the procedure 4 times. it is physically easy. You will have to get your head around it first! There are good people out there that want to help you. See if you can have a friend or loved one observe the procedure to help make you feel safe. Some places are teaching hosp. and are set up for that. At some point you have to trust someone again. You need to take care of yourself by taking care of your body With the Docs help. May God ease your mind. Dave

_________________________
Davesc
_______________________________________
Thankful Wor Kirkridge Alumni Oct 2008

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#258929 - 10/29/08 10:21 PM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: Davesc]
Davesc Offline


Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 67
Loc: NJ
If he does not listen get a new Doc. Dave

_________________________
Davesc
_______________________________________
Thankful Wor Kirkridge Alumni Oct 2008

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#258930 - 10/29/08 10:30 PM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: MarkK]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
I've already done the colonoscopy once and the EGD twice, plus a couple of CT scans recently, now that I'm an old timer as far as AARP is concerned. And I've got another EGD scheduled next week! My advice for the colonscopy is for a general anesthesia and the flavored Go-Lytley beats the unflavored stuff by at least 2 to 1. Banana flavor is better and so is cherry.

If you are out cold you won't know anything anyway. Watch-out for passing some gas when you wake-up though!

It is a normal procedure at the age of 50 and 60, and is designed to catch colon cancer early enough to treat it.

TJ Jeffs had a colonoscopy recently too. Maybe he would be willing to talk to you about his.

There is really nothing to be afraid of except that unflavored Go-Lytley. Yucckk. And stay close to the john after you drink it too!

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#258933 - 10/29/08 10:44 PM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: Trucker51]
ttoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/19/07
Posts: 977
.



Edited by ttoon (11/16/08 10:40 AM)
_________________________
checkin out for a few weeks... whistle
02/07/09

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#258935 - 10/29/08 10:55 PM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: Tinman]
Chester Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 48
Loc: Long Island, NY
Oh, thank God you posted this. I thought I was the only one. I have my own medical stuff going on, and I had a colonoscopy the week before I went on the WoR. I was anxious all week. I mean, even if he wasn't doing anything wrong, at best my dr would still be penetrating. And I have only just started going to the doctor's again, as I haven't trusted a Dr in a long while. I asked if my wife could be in the room with me, and he said, no. However, he assured me I wouldn't be alone in the room with him. I let it go, but I didn't relax until I was actually brought in the room and saw the anesthesiologist and a 3rd MD. I knew my wife was in the waiting room, and then they played some music to relax me. They didn't know it, but it was our wedding/love song. Then I woke up in recovery.

So, it has to be normal to be fearful of a colonoscopy. Even moreso as a survivor. I'm pretty sure they can sedate you either way. However, as anxious as I was the week before, I dreaded the idea of having to watch the procedure more.

So, there is no way around the recommendation. We need to get annual prostate exams after 40, and a colonoscopy at 50. That being said, you have every right to make sure it is done the right way for you. Having such a procedure forced upon you isn't right. So if you want to be awake, and they can do it for you, insist upon it if that is the only way you will be ok with the procedure. If you are going completely under, insist on all the details. Insist on knowing who will be in the room with you, by name. You have every right.

Good luck, Paul. And if it's any consolation, the recovery room will be a funny experience. They filled up my colon with air to get a good look inside. Me and about six other guys were farting away in the recovery room much to the nurse's dismay. My wife was in tears laughing.

_________________________
rock: left pocket

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#258972 - 10/30/08 05:34 AM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: Chester]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Anual at 40! Ugh! Getting old is such a pain in the ..


When I was in the hospital recovering from an abdominal wound eight years ago I got a prostate exam for some reason and I seriously thought the guy had to be getting off on hurting me!

I'm bi (also not bi, same as not straight and not gay) and I have taken some big penises, but that finger f*%$# hurt! It's not like they just stick it in and pull it out! What that guy did was brutal and he kept doing it for a long gd time! I'm just not crazy at all about the idea of doing that every year. sheesh! I used to get cake on my B day.. now I get anally tortured. Yay smile frown frown

At least with the colonoscopy they will knock u out if u want them to.






Edited by blueshift (10/30/08 05:38 AM)
Edit Reason: to add comment
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#258979 - 10/30/08 07:29 AM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: blueshift]
joelRT Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 09/11/08
Posts: 1357
Loc: Québec, Canada
Female doctors don't play around "up there". My postate exam takes on average 30 seconds. If there is nothing wrong with the prostate, no anomalies, the whole shebang should never take more 30 to 45 seconds and at no time should it be painfull.

_________________________
My Story 1
My Story 2
The longest journey we take is to self-discovery

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#258982 - 10/30/08 08:34 AM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: Davesc]
mike5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 170
Loc: Cleveland, OH
Dave - I like your idea of having a trusted friend observe. Give that friend the authority to stop it if it is not safe. It is always a good idea to go into scary/risky situations with some one we trust to watch our back!

Mike


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#259015 - 10/30/08 01:13 PM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: mike5]
TJ jeff Offline

Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3362
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
Paul,

I just recently had a colonoscopy done myself due to some internal bleeding that was not going away

I was in a total panic the week before it - my mind was telling me that it was going to be so very bad

but... - you know what?

it really was'nt half as bad as my mind was telling me that it was going to be

you'll get through this ok - just do your very best to not let your mind race on with all the bad thoughts (talk the bad thoughts out with us - so as we can help to put your mind at ease) - the people who do these exams are very proffessional - at no time are you ever alone durring the exam - there is always at least 3 or more people in the room (so there is no chance of something innapropriate being done while you are under anesthesia)

if you need to talk - I'm always just a PM away

TJ jeff

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#259047 - 10/30/08 03:00 PM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: Trucker51]
Paul1959 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/17/06
Posts: 525
Loc: NYC
11 months ago I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I was 46 and had had it for two years it seems. I had surgery this year and it saved my life. PLEASE allow the DRE.

Two things - for the DRE, it is less vulnerable if you lie on your side and pull your knees up to your chest. This is far safer feeling than bending over a table with the doc behind you. Also, get the PSA blood test before you do the DRE.
Second, some valium will be helpful. There are no medals or discounts for suffering or enduring fear. Tell your doc your history, and ask him for drugs. he will comply - I'm sure without question. if he doesn't, as Dave said, get a new doc.
Paul



Edited by Paul1959 (10/30/08 03:01 PM)

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#259059 - 10/30/08 03:56 PM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: joelRT]
blueshift Offline
Guest

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Originally Posted By: joelRT
Female doctors don't play around "up there". My postate exam takes on average 30 seconds. If there is nothing wrong with the prostate, no anomalies, the whole shebang should never take more 30 to 45 seconds and at no time should it be painfull.


Hmm. Well, then I guess my last prostate exam is more material 4 the survivor stories. frown Doesn't surprise me. Sadism is everywhere it seems.


_________________________
My Story
My Art

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#259113 - 10/30/08 08:36 PM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: blueshift]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5778
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
From my forthcoming book:

Chapter 20
Fear of Dentists and Doctors


Men are generally not good patients of doctors and dentists. It has been said by many wives and parents that it is next to impossible to get some men (and teenage boys) to these medical professionals.

Why? It may be because few men, besides exhibitionists and body builders, want other people to see them naked. Sometimes it is okay for his lover to see him naked, but for many survivors, no one can look at his body without him feeling some shame. The discomfort that a lot of men feel having a physical that includes removing one’s clothes and being poked and prodded, is often a disincentive for many, despite the understanding that prevention or early intervention is preferable to treating some illness or problem at an advanced stage.

Although their dentists or doctors have abused some survivors, most who are reluctant to get medical attention are likely to have been abused by someone else and the abuse may have involved oral or anal penetration. A physician who is examining the genitals or rectum of the patient may unwittingly be re-enacting some of the touch that the survivor experienced years ago. For many survivors, the thought of going through that experience again may mean putting off any examination or procedure that feels similar to the abuse.

The medical professional is, in some ways, taking on the role of the abuser. The professional is in a position of authority. It is his office, you are the patient, and you are expected to follow orders or directions. The doctor or dentist is pretty much in control of the appointment. If he is running late and you have to wait, there is little you can do except leave. You generally are expected to comply with the directions of the professional to take off your clothes or open your mouth, and you could be touched in ways that might cause you to recall previous situations of abuse that were beyond your control.

This recollection might be on the surface of your consciousness and remembered, possibly with the emotions that accompanied the abuse. Or it might be more unconscious, so that you have no connection between the abuse and the medical procedure you are going through. You might not know why you are feeling so scared or uncomfortable, but the feelings are real for you, even though you are likely in no danger today from the medical or dental procedure.

Men who experienced forced oral sex, for example, may have strong reactions to anything placed in their mouth. The dentist, in his position of authority, is probing around your mouth with a mirror and pick. He may pack your gums with cotton wads or insert a latex dental dam. Your saliva can build up and cause a choking sensation. You are fixed in the chair and can’t protest except for grunts and hand motions. The procedure may be painful, and there can be blood as well. Not a pleasant situation to be in.

The physical situation may be reminiscent of the abuse experience. You are lying on your back with someone hovering above you and you are pretty helpless. One survivor wrote:

One of my most horrific memories involved being held by my head, so any dental work is a huge trigger for me. I've been avoiding the dentist for years, even though I know it's a bad move on my part. I hate being controlled by those old fears, but I find it difficult to break free from them. Even the thought of going to the dentist is enough to send me into a near panic.

Another survivor described the dental experience as the same as flying: “I hate the dentist the same way I hate flying. I don't like feeling trapped.” Just as the airline passenger is somewhat trapped in his seat, the patient in the dentist’s chair is pretty much helpless to move about. This can be a strong trigger for some survivors. And, even for those without a history of being abused, the trip to the dentist’s office is not a pleasant experience.

Unless your dentist has abused you, the sensations – both physical and emotional – are likely reminiscent of the abuse you might have endured, although the medical or dental procedure is for your benefit, not the benefit of the abuser.

There are similarities as well with medical doctors. The difference between dental and medical procedures may be life and death. The dentist’s work is necessary for your teeth and gum’s health. Generally, a person who avoids going to the dentist has only his teeth to lose. The person who avoids the physician may actually lose his life if he does not follow recommended medical suggestions or agree to examinations and testing.

For many survivors, the prospect of a physical exam is very upsetting. The medical professional may want you to undress and may touch your genitals, buttocks or anus. If you have been abused, physical contact with these areas or even your body in general may feel very threatening. Although your brain tells you that this is a normal non-abusive procedure, your emotions may be screaming inside as if you are being abused all over again.

I think that most medical and dental professionals are not aware that the person in the chair or on the table in front of them may have childhood sexual abuse issues. I’m sure that many physicians and dentists have the same experiences as you do, but many – if not most – seem to be insensitive to this problem. Awareness of sexual abuse histories is generally not taught in medical or dental schools, to my knowledge. Although there are undoubtedly some doctors and dentists who were victimized as children, they probably push this experience to the back of their minds when in a professional situation.

I am not a survivor, but I’ve had a couple of situations in the past few years that made me feel uncomfortable in physicians’ offices. When I had a colonoscopy a few years ago, I realized that the doctor was going about his business like I either should know what was coming or there was no reason for me to know what to expect. It was my first colonoscopy and I did not know what exactly was going to happen since the doctor was pretty basic in his greeting and preparation for the procedure.

He started the process and I told him that I work with male survivors of sexual abuse and found his lack of preliminary information felt as sudden moves, which were intrusive and somewhat startling. Had I been a victim of anal penetration, I might have had a strong reaction, either physically or emotionally, to what he was doing. He basically thanked me for the input, which I suspected was due more to my status as an assertive patient in his estimation, rather than as an overly sensitive patient or survivor of sexual abuse.

One survivor, in an attempt to educate his doctor wrote:

My urologist asked me about stress in my life. I told him I was working on it. Told him I was seeing a therapist regarding some childhood sexual abuse. I figured this was fairly important to tell him because of issues with scar tissue and pain during a biopsy. He was quite uncomfortable with that info. I asked him if I was the first to ever tell him that. I was. It was a teaching moment. Told him one in every six boys is molested by 16. Told him about MaleSurvivor. Told him he probably needed to be on the look out for symptoms in his line of work. He seemed to not especially grasp it or didn't care. Either one, it was just another small attempt to educate the public about CSA.

If you are fearful of the rectal exam, particularly if you are of the age or have a medical family history where you should be examined, you may die for your avoidance of a colonoscopy or other unpleasant procedure. While this valuable medical course of action is recommended for all men over 50 and also for those younger who have a family history of colon or rectal cancer, many men avoid it because of the intrusive process around their anus. (Although many say that the worst part is the preparation with lots of laxatives and enemas the night before.)

Sometimes, the avoidance or fear of physicians is tied into the belief that they might know about the abuse from doing the examination. We are sometimes brought up with the belief that physicians or others in a position of authority will know what has happened to us. One survivor recounts his childhood experience.

I don't trust doctors. I have a memory of when I was around 6 or 7 and my family doctor examined my genitals. I recall being extremely scared that he'd know what they had been used for by that time... Not only that but being exposed was so uncomfortable. I always feel so intimidated by doctors.

Although most sexual abuse does not leave injuries or scarring, sometimes it does. Some survivors carry the physical damage for many years and are unwilling to go for treatment because of the shame connected with the abuse. This is another example of the legacy of the abuse – it continues to trap and control the survivor long after the abuse ended.

A survivor in his 50s writes: “I have colon surgery coming up to deal with old scarring from when I was a kid, and of course I'm not looking forward to that. But I will do it because I know it's in my best interest.” Apparently, it took many years for him to motivate himself to take care of an old problem. Sometimes, the victim may feel like he was physically damaged, but by refusing to get an examination, he may spend years living in fear that there is still an injury, even when an examination may reveal that there was no damage or that a simple procedure can resolve it.

The doctor-patient relationship is never one of equality. The doctor is generally more educated than you, probably making more money than you, presumably has his life more together than you, and is not your buddy or equal in this relationship. You enter that association feeling a notch or two below where he is. In reality, he may be having a more difficult time than you regarding his life but that is not the condition you generally will be seeing when you come for an appointment on his turf.

For survivors, the abuse took place in an unequal environment. The abuser was stronger, older, and had more resources than you had at the time. That may be the situation that you are feeling with the physician. Even though you might be older than the doctor, he still is in a position of authority and power over you. You might be a powerful person in your job function but when you go to the doctor or dentist’s office, you will hopefully be treated with respect and consideration whether you are a CEO or a sales clerk at the convenience store.

I make the assumption that status as a survivor is not something most medical professionals or their staff knows anything about. A few years ago, I went to my cardiologist’s office for a routine exam. As per the procedures, I was weighed and given a blood pressure exam before seeing the cardiologist. The nurse who took my vitals also got my blood pressure. She was a short, heavy woman who grasped my left arm to take my pressure. She pulled my arm into her crotch to get a good grasp on my arm and I felt a bit uncomfortable thinking that if a female abused me, I might find this seemingly innocent movement to be intrusive.

I mentioned this to my cardiologist (one of eight in the practice which shared clerical and nursing staff) and she said she would pass this on to the other doctors and advise the nurses. The next time I went in for an appointment, the nurse took care to minimize contact. I’ve been there four more times since and have not had the intrusive experience again so I assume the nursing staff got the message, although I don’t think I was singled out as the complainer in this busy practice.

A big problem with survivors is that the discomfort they feel in dealing with medical professionals has kept many from getting the necessary treatment they need to prevent loss of teeth or maintaining medical health. Although the process of preparing for a colonoscopy has turned many men off and discouraged them from having this necessary medical procedure done, the additional issue of fear in the physical exam has put so many more in danger of untreated disease or conditions.

It is important to educate medical professionals about the needs and emotional issues many survivors have. Unfortunately, the profession is not always open to hear about sexual abuse. In my experience, a group of us, led by the then-president of MaleSurvivor, who is a psychiatrist, found that the American Medical Association’s annual conference did not have enough interest in the topic of sexual abuse of males to sustain a workshop for more than 25 medical attendees one year. We received good evaluations from those who attended the workshop, but when we offered it the next year but the Association was not interested, although tens of thousands of physicians attend this important conference.

So, what do you do? If you are an activist, tell your dentist and physicians that they should be sensitive to male survivors. You don’t have to educate them about the statistics or what research says. Simply telling them that you had this problem in childhood is another purposeful disclosure for you. Although some physicians or dentist may not want to hear your message, there are some who will. If you sense that your medical professional is not interested, consider that a grounds for leaving and finding a new one. That may be hard to do, particularly if you live in a place where there are not a lot of doctors or a place where physicians don’t take new patients.

I think it is important to let a dentist or physician know that you have a history of sexual abuse. It is not necessary and I believe that most doctors or dentists won’t have the time or interest in knowing the “complete information” of your abuse. If one should ask you that information, all you need to say is “I’m not ready to talk about that at this time”. That should give them the basic information to be more sensitive and you can tell (or not) the details at a later time, if you wish. My sense is that they probably won’t ask again, but at least you got the message across and they will hopefully act with more sensitivity and understanding.

One survivor recently wrote in a discussion about dentists:

So this morning, had my dentist appointment. I was sooooo nervous I thought I was gonna be sick, So as the dentist comes over I tell him right away that I am extremely nervous and that I am one of those people that fear going to the dentist. I said something that happened in my childhood made me nervous so if he could please tell me what he is going to do before he does it I would be most appreciative. So he says that it’s no problem and if at any time I feel really uncomfortable just wave at him and he will stop.

Then he goes on to question if what happened to me was related to a bad experience at the dentist, and now I have no idea what to say or how to respond. I tried to say that "I am a survivor of ...” I couldn't get myself to “childhood sexual abuse”. So after a short silence, 10 seconds maybe, I say “I was molested when I was a kid”. He just nods his head and says it will be OK. I feel shocked because of what I just said! It was weird, I did not feel ashamed. I felt very relieved for getting that part over with, and somewhat proud of myself for saying it.

Being assertive and speaking up for yourself is very important. As long as you keep the abuse a secret, you are doing what the abuser wanted you to do – keep quiet. There is great power in disclosure, when you are ready. Telling a medical or dental professional may be an easier step than telling others who have a more personal relationship with you. One survivor put it this way:

My own experience with doctors is that now I always say I am a survivor of CSA. In most cases it has gone well and I feel I am treated in a more caring and attentive way. On one occasion, when I told a nurse who was poking at me, she said, “Oh, well okay. I guess we have to think about that”, which struck me as a way of saying, “What are you talking about?” I had caught her by surprise and she wasn’t prepared to hear what I was telling her. But even in that case, never mind: I said it!

When I told my family doctor she was grateful and said that doctors should always be ready for comments like this because it helps them to relate to their patients better. When I return for checkups or anything else now, she always asks me how I am doing in therapy. It’s great to have support like that.

But most importantly, I think, is the fact that when I tell a medical person about my past I am empowering myself and asking for my needs to be met, something I could never do as an abused boy. Being able to do that now, after so many years of feeling doomed, ashamed and condemned to silence, still sometimes overwhelms me.

A survivor I work with recently told me that he first told his wife, then his mother-in-law, then me, then his brother, and later a few friends and colleagues. Then he talked to a reporter for the local paper where the abuse had taken place. This last conversation was six months after he first told his wife. He said the emotional upset he felt from the first disclosure was like night and day when compared to the one with the reporter. The first disclosures were emotional and upsetting. By the time he spoke with the reporter, he was totally comfortable talking about the details that were so difficult in the earlier disclosures. This survivor happens to be a physician who is an anesthesiologist.


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#259120 - 10/30/08 09:05 PM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
beakin Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/13/08
Posts: 44
Loc: Texas
Paul:

I had a colonoscopy about a year and a half ago. What helped was that I wasn't alone with the doctor. There was at least one nurse throughout, I think two. Not sure if it was Versed that was used, but I was aware throughout the procedure. Your help is needed during the procedure. The great thing about what they used is that I have no memory of it after the fact.

My colonoscopy was simply because I'm over fifty and it was time. They found a benign polyp, which just means they'll want me to do it again probably after three years instead of five or ten.

It helped me knowing that I really wasn't helpless during the procedure. The drug simply interferes with short-term memory and that allows me to be blissfully ignorant after the fact.

Hope that helps. I prefer to know if there's a problem sooner rather than later. Since colon cancer is such a major problem for men, I felt the need to get informed about the procedure to feel protected, then get over my fear (or try to) and just do it.



ben

_________________________
Only you can do it, but you cannot do it alone.

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#259135 - 10/30/08 11:57 PM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: Trucker51]
mcd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/10/08
Posts: 2
Loc: United States
Hey guys,

All that is being put out here is courageously wonderful. We are so lucky to have each other to run these very real life experiences off of. I recall having some repair work done (the result of my ongoing destructive behaviors... repeating the abuse) and although I was not really alone, I was completely null and void of any feelings. I know now just reading in on this discussion that I was shutting down. Too ashamed to really take stock in what had come of my own physical well being and unable to express(afraid) what really was going through my mind. We can share the overwhelming drive to survive that we all exhibit on these pages. Helping us on our journeys by being strong together, simply by having this safe place to chat and find a kinship that supports those scary places within us all. It makes being alive worth something again... something worth taking care of. Remember to take that big breathe in and exhale that smile, it will all be good!

Blessings to all, keep connected... and remember we are all pebbles together!
JA Kirkridge 08


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#259158 - 10/31/08 07:46 AM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: mcd]
Legendre Offline


Registered: 10/23/08
Posts: 9
Loc: Texas
I'm 49, and recently had traces of blood in my urine AND my semen. I totally and completely freaked out . . . was absolutely sure that something from my past acting out had finally caught up with me, and that I would be exposed for the creepy pervert that I still struggle to believe I'm NOT. One of the problems with that thinking was that it's been over twelve years since I've had any sexual contact with another person, including my wife. So my rational self had to come to the rescue, and remind me that I was guilty of nothing, that my health was at risk, and that I needed to see a doctor (which meant that I also needed to tell my wife). (Sidenote: I'm amazed again and again to discover that my shame buttons are still so easily accessed. The setup for a CSA survivor to feel responsible for anything screwy or strange is just incredible.)

Anyway, I went to the family doc, and told him, not only about the bleeding, but also about my emotional reaction, and my CSA issues. I really thought he was going to cry. I did cry. I could not believe his compassion. This wonderful man, in his mid-thirties, did an amazing job of validating me, comforting me, and reassuring me that my issues had nothing to do with any wrongdoing on my part. His words were so warm and loving, I felt like I was in my therapist's office. He told me about the tests which would be necessary, he very gently informed me that I would need a rectal exam, and told me to take my time preparing myself. The exam was quick, and without pain. To be thorough, he also sent me to a urologist, AND he briefed the urologist before my appointment. Again, I was shocked by the uro's compassion, and the gentle way that he made several invasive procedures seem noninvasive.

Ultimately, we found that I had a bad kidney stone, and all is well now physically, but I cannot say enough about the benefits of informing the medical professionals from whom we seek help. They're just people trying to do a job, not monsters . . . and the majority of them are drawn to their professions out of a desire to do good.

Best wishes to all of you on your journey,
Steve

_________________________
Vocatus, atque non vocatus, Deus aderit. (Bidden, or not bidden, God is present. -- carved over Carl Jung's front door)

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#259300 - 10/31/08 09:36 PM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: Legendre]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
Ok, after getting a lot of support and understanding about this, I finally saw my Doc about the DRE for the prostate.

It didn't go well.

He said the minute he tried to insert the finger I started bleeding profusely. I could hear in his voice there was something wrong when he told the nurse to get a basin.

What I have never told anyone, ever, is that I have always bled from the anus since the thing happened. If I go to the bathroom for a bowel movement more than once a day, the tissue has always had blood after the first time.

I am embarrased and humiliated that he had to see this. He was good about out it, but that doesn't make it easier.

He is the new PCP and seems to get it. What he is telling me is that I am too violent when trying to clean myself and that's why I always bleed. He says there is nothing wrong internally, but that I am just ripping myself constantly.

I called my T and told him what happpened. He has some psycho babble to explain it but told me to go back to the PCP. He said that I am trying to "wipe away" what happened to me and that is what is responsibile.

Dr. Phan is really, really kind about all of this. He told me what to do to try and address this bleeding thing and I have hope it will stop. And to hold off on any invasive procedures until this is under control.

I guess I was a little less than fully honest with you guys about the secondary reason I did not want to have this done. I am so embarrased. I wasn't lying to you. I just didn't want anyone to know about this part of it.

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#259515 - 11/01/08 03:40 PM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: Tinman]
Legendre Offline


Registered: 10/23/08
Posts: 9
Loc: Texas
My dear sweet, injured man, who really DOES have a heart,

If your doctor's diagnosis, and your therapist's theories are accurate, you have company. During the months surrounding the surfacing of my sexual abuse memories, I began scrubbing my scalp until there was blood under my fingernails, brushed my teeth until the gums on my lowers receded (cosmetic fillings fixed this later), and I washed my genitals so roughly that I often bruised my testicles. It took some intense rational emotive therapy to get me through that phase, and that's when I began the habit of journaling thoughts that left me feeling dirty -- a habit that has been consistent for 17 years.

Be gentle with yourself, my friend. The filth was someone else's. And if I've presumed anything, or spoken out of turn, please forgive. I speak in the spirit of empathy.

Take care,
Steve

_________________________
Vocatus, atque non vocatus, Deus aderit. (Bidden, or not bidden, God is present. -- carved over Carl Jung's front door)

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#284874 - 04/22/09 02:08 AM Re: Male examinations since I am over 50 [Re: Tinman]
Chey-Wy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/01/02
Posts: 241
Loc: Cheyenne, WY
Hey Everyone, I'm glad I came in here tonight.

I have been having a lot of stomach pain and my family doctor recomended that I see an internest.

The internest ordered an ultrasound and a colonoscopy. The ultra sound went well, but when they called me today and told me they wanted to change my colonoscopy from in office to in hospital under general anesthesia I got somewhat concerned that they had found something in the ultra-sound.

I Finally called the office back and talked to the gal I had talked to earlier. She told me she would have the doctor call me later, which he did.

I had called his office after the consultation and told his nurse that I "didn't know if it would be a problem ... but I felt there was something I thought the doctor should know..... and told her that I had been raped when I was younger." I asked if I needed to talk to the doctor before the procedure and she said just to tell him the day of the procedure ...... WRONG ADVICE.

When the doctor called me back he told me that he switched me to general anesthesia because the nurse had given him a note about the rape .... he also told me that ANY RAPE victim should tell their doctor before such a procedure. We talked a little about the rape ... and while I am still nerveous as hell .. I do trust him.

As far as the digital exams go .....My family doctor and I have a VERY GOOD understanding of each other .... when he was finished ... I looked up at him and said .... You have nice technique for a straight man." He turned BRIGHT RED .... but it did help to ease some of the tension .. and also knowing I might make a smart remark when he was done .. relaxed me
.

_________________________
From the Song MOUNTAINS by Lonestar.

Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains,
So we could learn how to climb

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