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#217082 - 04/10/08 02:27 PM Re: Our Secret Doors [Re: Roofus]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
I didn't know Dad could be wrong.
I didn't know Dad could be loving.
I didn't know sleeping with dad could hurt me.
I didn't know that doing stuff with him would mess me up.
I didn't know if he cared or not.
I didn't know it would hurt to explore stuff with my friends.
I didn't know it would make sex a bad thing.
I didn't know it would hurt people I love.
I didn't know therapy would cost so much.
I didn't know there were others like me.
I didn't know it was not my fault.
I didn't know what sex really was.
I dind't know how bad I would hurt.
I didn't know how long it would last.
I didn't know how to forgive myself.
I didn't know that I could actually be happy.
I didn't know I could be happy with a woman.
I didn't know I could be a husband.
I didn't know I could be a real dad.
I didn't know you guys were here waiting to help me heal.
I didn't know I could heal.
I didn't know how much I would love all of you men.
I didn't know I could love men.
I didn't know that I would find peace in that.
I didn't know having a teddy bear of my very own would make me cry at 59 years old.



Edited by Freedom49 (04/10/08 02:28 PM)

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#217231 - 04/11/08 12:26 AM Re: Our Secret Doors [Re: Freedom49]
grover Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/28/07
Posts: 50
Loc: Tennessee
I didn't know what else to do.

_________________________
Shocking revelations, we are all deeply effected.
-the Waitresses "Wise up"

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#217241 - 04/11/08 02:07 AM Re: Our Secret Doors [Re: roadrunner]
Marcus Mystery Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 195
I didn't know someone would care.
I didn't know there were guys like me


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#218503 - 04/16/08 08:57 AM Re: Our Secret Doors [Re: Marcus Mystery]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Just a note to let you all know that I have written this up now. I'm not sure how to make it available here without losing the formatting, but I'm looking into that.

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#218661 - 04/17/08 12:21 AM Re: Our Secret Doors [Re: roadrunner]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1961
I wanted to add to this one for a while:

I didn't know that saying No wasn't enough.
I didn't know I didn't need to go on when it wasn't.
I didn't know how badly it would affect my life.
Even though my life was then slipping into a bad place, I didn't know enough to even recognize it was happening.

Once I recovered my memories:

I didn't know what had actually happened.
I didn't know I could talk about these things.
I didn't know trying to will all the memories away was so destructive.
I just didn't know what to do.


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#218772 - 04/17/08 04:03 PM Re: Our Secret Doors [Re: shadowkid]
Jeff Amsel Offline


Registered: 04/14/08
Posts: 17
Loc: NJ
I didn't know Mother's do that to her son
I didn't know Mother's do that
I didn't know Mother's do that
etc
etc
etc
etc


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#218883 - 04/18/08 09:11 AM Re: Our Secret Doors [Re: Jeff Amsel]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Eric and Jeff,

Thanks for your input. I have added your thoughts to the text. If others wish to make further additions here, please do so and I will keep adding them.

A few brothers here are reading my text for me and noting a certain element of repetition. I need to address that problem over the weekend.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#258594 - 10/28/08 05:44 PM Re: Our Secret Doors [Re: roadrunner]
greenspan Offline


Registered: 10/24/08
Posts: 8
Loc: Kansas
I didn't know that it was wrong at first and i mistook it for affection/love.
I didn't know how or where to get affection/it was my only source at the time.
I didn't know that one does not have to "pay" or sacrifice some thing to be loved.
I didn't know that I could say "No" at anytime.
I didn't know that he really did not care about ME, it was about him.

Thanks Roadrunner, this helps.

greenspan


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#258694 - 10/29/08 12:34 AM Re: Our Secret Doors [Re: greenspan]
Liri Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor
New Here

Registered: 12/27/07
Posts: 127
Loc: Seattle, WA
I didn't know who I was.
I didn't know I was born into an abusive family.
I didn't know you weren't supposed to be suicidal at 9 yrs old.
I didn't know what innocence was and I didn't know I'd lost it.
I didn't know it was unnatural to be terrorized.
I didn't understand why I was so hypersexualized.
I didn't know it was okay to be gay.
I didn't know why society hated me so much.
I didn't know my wiring had gotten crossed.
I didn't know I'd end up in a psych ward by age 17.
I didn't know I could have escaped if I'd tried.
I didn't know that it was okay to love my life.
I didn't know there were others just like me.

_________________________
As a small child, I felt in my heart two contradictory feelings, the horror of life and the ecstasy of life. --Charles Baudelaire

My Story

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#258696 - 10/29/08 12:36 AM Re: Our Secret Doors [Re: Liri]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Thanks for resurrecting a great thread, guys. This is one of the most powerful ones I've ever seen here.

_________________________
Eddie

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