Ah, so many questions...well no one here will ever blame you for having questions, that's for sure.
To answer your questions:
1). The decision to tell your husband about seeking support and insight from this site or any resource is up to you. You know him best. I can tell you that often survivors need to feel in control of who knows what, when, and how the people that do know interact with each other. Not always, but sometimes they feel that way especially early on.
The good news is that it might help him to know that he is NOT alone in this. That neither of you are and that you don't need to suffer in silence. This site can be a revelation for those who feel shamed and isolated in their experience of sexual abuse. Here they will learn from other men that it was NOT their fault and that recovery is possible! If therapy is too scary for him right now, this site might provide a glimpse into recovery and he can interact here anonymously. Anonymity is safe.
You may choose to tell him that because you love him you are learning more about how far reaching the effects of childhood sexual abuse are on male survivors (female survivors too of course). And that you don't feel any differently about him now that you know. That you still love and respect him. That he is a wonderful father.
2. The pornography behaviour might be related to his CSA. Some survivors "act out" - engage in behaviours that re-enact the abuse, or allow them to numb out, or investigate sexuality in ways that are considered shameful or deviant in some contexts. It's important that he understand you do not judge him. You're right, that this behaviour won't just go away even if he says so. He's likely sincere when he says so, but he's just addressing a symptom and not the underlying cause of his pain and behaviour.
3. About being patient and if it works, that is only something you can decide. Think about getting some counselling yourself to explore your feelings and options. It is tremendously liberating and empowering to sit for an hour and talk about yourself, believe me!
Or choose to participate in the Family and Friends chatroom here at the site.
Yes, it is hard for us sometimes to be good to ourselves. Women, I think, are too often taught that we should be looking after eveyone else first and ourselves last. So being good to ourselves - getting enough rest and exercise, eating right, getting enough sleep, purusing our own passions and interests - feels like being selfish. But it's being good to yourself that will give you the emotional and physical resources to sustain a relationship with a survivor.